First Baby, Second Shower (thrown by other side of the family)
lynnz52
member
So I had a baby shower thrown my my mother and aunts; it was a couples shower. My in-laws were invited, although only my DH's siblings came to the shower. My in-laws would like to throw another shower after the baby is born. My DH is upset because his parents did not show, and he doesn't want another shower.
I am on the fence. I see where my husband is coming from, but I don't want to be rude to my in-laws. They also threw a shower for his SIL's second child, and I will admit, I thought showers were only for the first baby and kind of thought it was tacky.
I am torn between being rude to my in-laws and supporting my DH. I also do not want to appear greedy in having a second shower. They do live a bit of a distance away, but traveling (for us or them) has never been an issue before.
Re: First Baby, Second Shower (thrown by other side of the family)
They said they had to work, but when we were visiting with them for the holidays, his Dad mentioned taking PTO for personal reasons, and my DH said.. "Oh, so you can take PTO," and his Dad laughed and said "Yea, just not for your shower."
I honestly think that his Dad didn't realize that it was so important to my DH for them to be there. His mom also missed my Bridal shower, and he's still a little bitter about that. They don't seem to have any issues attending any events for his (DH's) brother's family/children.
To be honest, both of our families are so passive/aggressive that it's hard to tell how they really feel, or the reasons behind any of our actions. Which is why I'm writing to a forum, rather than just straight out telling them how we feel. : /
That answers my etiquette question though, so thank you.
You are right, it's not about the baby shower. I don't know how much you want me to get into it. I'll try to summarize.
First of all, this whole having kids thing.. was never my cup of tea. I didn't not want kids, but it wasn't my main goal in life. I was on the fence. My DH on the other hand, the only thing he's ever wanted. This is our first child, and our first child-related event. And by upset.. I mean annoyed, not upset like he's not going to talk to them ever again, he probably didn't even give it a second thought after he told his mom no to the second shower. Then his family asked me, and I didn't know at the time he had already told them no, so I said.. "oh that's very thoughtful, sure, maybe in the spring when the weather is a little easier to travel in".
It's not like showers are his thing or anything.. which is probably part of the reason he doesn't want to go through another one.
Second, my parents are the most enthusiastically supportive parents in the world. They attend every event, even our intramural kick ball games when we were in our late 20's. It my seem obnoxious, but I would never take it for granted. When the two are compared, it seems like night and day and I know he felt a little embarrassed at the shower having to answer to all of the guests when they asked why his parents weren't there.
Now that you know our life story.. haha. No, really though, I think I have my question answered. Thanks for your help. I agree it is his family, so it's up to him. He may change his mind when spring comes and he wants to show off the baby.
P.S. I'm so glad that we made the decision to have kids. I've just never been a baby person, and was worried about it not coming naturally. Everyone told me it would be different when it's your own, and they were right. It's pretty incredible having him growing in there. I'm still a little nervous for the newborn phase, but excited too.
His parents are technically retired. They work part time for supplemental income. From his Dad's point of view.. I think his mom decided not to come, and he just followed suite. We constantly rearrange our work schedule and save PTO to visit his family (extended too, not just his parents), and sometimes it just feels that is not reciprocated. For example, we visit his extended family every year (in addition to weddings, funerals.. etc), and only a few showed up for our wedding. I think it's just how they are.
Like I said, my DH will probably forget about by the spring. If we have it, we may just do a no-gift, just visit the baby if you haven't met him type of deal.
I think it seems more like it is expected of us, by them, but isn't reciprocated. Which is where the disappointment comes in.
I agree we shouldn't let it upset us. I don't think not allowing a second shower is going to fix anything. Talking about it might, but it's between him and his family, more personal to him, and no matter how I feel about it, it's harder for me to address.