Stay at home dads?

mdexter11

My husband will be staying home with our little one, so we don't have to pay for daycare. I go back to work next week and we are both kind of terrified since this is our first. Anyone else have a SO staying home to take care of your little one? It would be nice to get advice from someone who has been there before or going through the same thing! Thanks for any help!

hpragolini

Dh will be staying home with H too but I funny go back to work until next month. We Still have a bit too work out yet though

wpatx

That's the route we are going currently.  I've been back to work for 2 full weeks (went back when LO was 4 weeks) and the first week was hard, for sure.  DH had a little trouble accepting his role as a stay at home dad...I think he felt a little emasculated.  There were also some kinks to work out (having bottles ready to go, him knowing where everything was, etc.).  But honestly, the second week was a TON better, and I really think he is enjoying it now.  We also have a webcam set up at our house that I look in on every now and then, which helps me feel not so disconnected.

My biggest advice to you is be thankful for what he does during the day and make sure he knows that you appreciate the WORK that he is doing, and that you know that it is work.  I also always make sure to tell DH how lucky I think our son is to be raised by his dad and how cool that is for both of them.  One last thing...as soon as I get home from work, DH is ready to hand off baby to me ASAP and pretty much doesn't want to take over baby stuff for the first hour or so I am home (totally understandable)...just know that this might be the case and be prepared that when you walk in the door, you might have to immediately take over and won't have much time to cool off.  Lucky for me, DH loves cooking and takes over the dinner prep and what not once I get home and uses that as his time to cool off from the day...but regardless, give him some time to himself when you get home, because I think it's a lot harder for dads to multitask with babies and they don't really get a lot of alone time during the day.

Good luck, and I'd love to check in with you and share advice once you are deeper into things...I think it's going to be an ever evolving deal.

kaleb87

My dh doesn't stay home but I just wanted to add that there is a dads and dads to be board. They might have some good advice on there, or even a place for him to correspond.
I think @wpatx‌ gave you great advice though!
Good luck!

SaraPEwell

Thanks so much for asking this! My DH is also planning to be a SAHD for DS. We are first time parents and I have several more weeks of maternity leave so we haven't gotten a sense for how the day to day will work once I'm not here. I think it's amazing for any family to have the luxury of a stay at home parent these days, and I know DH is excited, but I worry that once I'm not here he will feel trapped at home. There are so many groups for SAHM in this area, but SAHD are less common and DH isn't a social butterfly naturally.

wpatx

SaraPEwell said:

Thanks so much for asking this! My DH is also planning to be a SAHD for DS. We are first time parents and I have several more weeks of maternity leave so we haven't gotten a sense for how the day to day will work once I'm not here. I think it's amazing for any family to have the luxury of a stay at home parent these days, and I know DH is excited, but I worry that once I'm not here he will feel trapped at home. There are so many groups for SAHM in this area, but SAHD are less common and DH isn't a social butterfly naturally.

Agree with all you said about it being a luxury...it is so comforting to know that my son is being raised by his father.  Also, I so wish my husband would be open to a SAHD group in town.  I found a really great one that seems very active, and mentioned it to him, but he didn't really want anything to do with it.  Maybe once he becomes more comfortable in the role he will...but for now, it was a no go for us. One step at a time!

Jenner37

DH stays home with the girls 2 days, so not exactly a SAHD but kind of. The most important thing I realized when he did this with DD1 is let him do things his way and not nitpick the way he does things. I am pretty much a control freak and it took me a while to loosen the reins and not leave a detailed schedule of what he needs to do and when. Also let him know that you appreciate him and that he is doing great. It's a learning experience for both of you, take it one day at time.

redtoes13

I agree with everything said! One thing that helped my husband remain sane was his aunt. We paid her to come to the house two or three times a week for a few hours each time. He was able to run around, go for coffee, pay bills, whatever. That time away was very precious. He felt less tied down. Worked for us.

stephanie123456

This may be a situation for us next year. DH works part time in the morning and gets off at noon. Since I'm the breadwinner, if we can't figure out child care with family or if it ends up being more than DH makes, it will end up that he either quits or possibly see if we can get family to watch him a couple days and DH can switch to longer shifts less days. We've discussed it but since I'm off until December 8th and DH's job will be on furlough from Thanksgiving til mid January, we haven't delved into details or made any concrete decisions.

lbonga1

Great advice so far! I don't go back to work until January, but FI has been a SAHD since DD1 was born a year and a half ago. We love that our kids are being raised by a parent, and we don't have to deal the stresses of and having to pay for daycare. Finding childcare would have been difficult for us anyway because I work in a retail environment and FI had worked in the food industry, so our hours are/were wonky. 

I've always made sure to keep my phone on me so he can text me if he needs to ask me something. But like others have mentioned, he'll probably want to hand off to you as soon as you walk in the door. You'll also have the same days "off", which can have its positives and negatives. I would suggest lining up a babysitter (we use FI's mom) so you can spend a day off together once in a while. It definitely helps with the stress.