baby shower - no one coming...?

amber&19 · October 2014

Hi ladies,

So I am currently pregnant with our first and our daughter is due in December. My daughter's godmother decided to throw me a baby shower this month, for which I am very grateful. My MIL is throwing another one in Nov for my husband's side of the family.

After sending out invitations, it appears that only seven ppl are actually coming to the shower my daughter's godmother is throwing. Seven...that's it. I'm a little disappointed, not bc of gifts and whatnot....but bc i was really looking forward to seeing 'friends'.

My question is, is this still enough ppl to have a decent baby shower? I don't want her godmother to spend all this time and money on the shower only to have no one actually show up, you know? I Don't think that's fair to her. I am grateful to the ones that said they'd be there tho....i just don't know how these work!

What would you ladies suggest? Thank you!

serenbach · October 2014

Showers don't have to be huge events, 7 including you and the host is 9 and what about your side of the family are they not coming? If you are having two showers then seriously don't be disheartened by this, just keep it low key and enjoy your day! December is always a busy time of year for people and not to mention very expensive and unfortunately people have to prioritise their own children's Christmas presents rather than going to gift giving events.

Are you sure that the host hasn't invited people that have already been invited to the Nov one by your MIL? Because it goes without saying that people won't attend two showers.

kaimee27 · October 2014

I don't think 7 is necessarily too small for a shower, just enjoy the company of those who are able to attend!

Maebb · October 2014

I recently went to a shower with only 5 attendees other than the mom - it was nice! As long as the godmother makes the shower appropriate for the group size (ours was just at someone's house - I wouldn't rent out a huge hall at a hotel or something), I don't think it will be awkward.

FitmomJess · October 2014

I like smaller crowds.....but yea your host will be the one to worry about the party.

TeeJ526 · October 2014

I'm curious as to how many people OP expected to come and squee over her. I don't think 7 is bad at all.

SSCmomma · October 2014

I know my shower will only have about 10-12 people but they are 10-12 of the most awesome ladies ever!

path75 · October 2014

I will have about maybe 12 at my shower and don't expect much in the way of gifts. It is possible people don't rsvp but don't worry about who will or won't be there. Just enjoy it. I would rather have people there I am close to than having to entertaining 20 to 30 people I hardly see.

PrettiMamita · October 2014

Most showers I've been to, there were not that who attended and some I've been too, there were more kids with the women who came than adults. 7 sounds like enough to me and you will probably still have a good time anyways. Also you never know, some people will still come that didn't state they were coming.

indianaalum · October 2014

I understand your disappointment. I am sure it will still be very lovely. Good Luck

Amstreagle · October 2014

Maybe you should be grateful anyone is coming or that you've been given a shower. You seem unappreciative and snobby in your post.

amieeyoung · October 2014

I just had a shower today with about that many people, and I enjoyed it. My MIL hosted it and invited a lot of people IDK so I was happy when the few I did know came and we had a good time. It should be fine.

AthenaNabi · October 2014

I had two baby showers with about 25 people each. Honestly it might have been an advantage to have smaller showers because I felt a lot of pressure to get around and make sure everyone felt included and make sure I talked to everyone. Plus, there were people who didn't know anyone else so then i really felt pressured to keep going across the room to talk to them. And at my second shower, I didn't even really know half the people there because they were family friends of my husband and MIL.

I went to a very small (maybe 7 or 8 people) shower for one of my husband's co-workers once and it was very nice. I didn't think it was awkward at all.

And I agree with what other's are saying, it really is you MIL's place to worry about it, not yours, so just relax and take it easy.

jcrising · October 2014

I think it is more unusual to have "big" showers with 20-30 people. Mine had about 7 or 8, and it was great. Even if it is only 3-4 people, enjoy who shows up and just have fun. Make your hostess feel wonderful about the event no matter how many people come.

tbarker14 · October 2014

Its nice that you are even having one! Some don't even get a shower... I also agree, smaller and cozy showers are better than large and awkward groups.

32elyse · November 2014

20 people said they would be at my shower. We made sure we had enough food, prices, etc. Two people showed up.

32elyse · November 2014

Prizes*

PrimRoseMama · November 2014

You have 7 people coming to celebrate you. STFU & don't be ungrateful.

TashaPlusNika · November 2014

amber&19 said:

After sending out invitations, it appears that only seven ppl are actually coming to the shower my daughter's godmother is throwing. Seven...that's it. I'm a little disappointed, not bc of gifts and whatnot....but bc i was really looking forward to seeing 'friends'.

You're so rude! 7 people are coming, and you've just called them 'no one' in the thread title by saying 'no one' is coming. Wtf? Maybe they're not coming because you're a crap 'friend'. You should be grateful anyone shows up, not bratty because fewer people than you expected are going to show up, what kind of ungrateful attitude is that?

People these days.

What would I suggest? I'd suggest you have an attitude adjustment and be grateful for anyone who shows up and for the fact that someone is nice enough to throw you a shower in the first place, mind you not one shower, but two showers.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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[Deleted User] · November 2014

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Amstreagle · November 2014

jinnymb · November 2014

I think it's totally fine. As long as like others said the shower is appropriate for the crowd. I've been to a couple of tea party showers with just that many people and they were really nice. I wouldn't take it as a slight, unfortunately it is a very busy time of year. Enjoy your day!

Amstreagle · November 2014

@aditigirl‌ , those poor nobody's. I wish that they knew that's what she thought of them.

32elyse · December 2014

@Bliss+Berry‌ I guess I need to explain more. Years ago I gave birth to my oldest very early. She was still in the hospital when my baby shower was to take place. When my best friend spoke with them to rsvp she told them how small my daughter was. (2.8lbs) Apparently these so called friends/ family were convinced the baby was not going to survive and decided not to show up. You can imagine my surprise when 2 people showed up. Especially when the place is full of food, games, and prizes.

32elyse · December 2014

@Bliss+Berry‌ it was more as, "hey two people showed up to mine. You're complaining about 7?" I got into detail on my story to explain it wasn't from me planning my third baby shower like you thought. Of course I worry what people think of me. I sure didn't want them to think of me as tacky.

NikolettaWindby · December 2014

I went through the same thing. My mum threw a lovely shower for me over Thanksgiving break and Spousal Unit's sisters threw another lovely shower for us a few days before. Between the two we sent out over 30 invitations... 4 of them we knew wouldn't come since they lived far away but we wanted them to feel included since they are close family on one side or another. 3 people on the list were the collective hosts. I got a handful of people saying they wouldn't make it and mostly no reply from everybody else. 16 people I didn't hear anything back from at all. In the end only one person showed up for the SIL hosted shower and she drove nearly 3 hours to be there, stayed the night on my couch because the roads were dicey, and then drove 3 hours home. For the shower my mum hosted 3 people showed up. I was literally heartbroken. It wasn't about presents for us either; we're pretty well equipped on our own and got a LOT of hand-me-downs from family and friends and my mum and dad helped with the few larger items we couldn't handle on our own but I was really hoping the people I thought were my friends would at least take a couple of hours out to celebrate with us. Many of them were so excited when we announced the pregnancy and then just vanished.

I was extremely grateful for the people who did show and it really drove home who my real friends are but it still hurt a lot to be completely blown off by so many people.

It sucks, I'm sorry it happened to you too.

jennypolkadots · December 2014

@nikolettawindby - I agree with the others.

Our shower was this past Sunday, which was the last day of thanksgiving weekend. I think we invited about 30 and only 17 were able to make it. I felt bad for the host because she had twice as much food, but on the other hand she should have put an RSVP on the invite since it was a holiday weekend. I know 17 is a whole lot more than two, but I get where you're coming from.

All of our closest family and friends were there. My husband's feelings were hurt because none of his friends showed and most with very lame "reasons". Some people were supposed to be there but just totally flaked. He and I are the type that always go the extra mile, and if any of our friends were having a baby I would be thrilled to find a special gift and definitely be at the shower. So that is where the sting comes from, missed expectations. It's our first baby so it feels like a big deal, but at the end of the day I know that others have lives going on and aren't trying to hurt our feelings. Invites also get lost in the mail or dates mixed up, and money and time are stretched thin around the holidays.

It wasn't about the gifts for us. We have always planned to buy everything for our child and budgeted accordingly before getting pregnant. But we did want more people to make our shower a priority, and were bummed when that didn't happen for whatever reason. But you just have to let it go and be so happy for the shower and the people who came.

ordinary1 · December 2014

jennypolkadots said:
@nikolettawindby - I agree with the others.

Our shower was this past Sunday, which was the last day of thanksgiving weekend. I think we invited about 30 and only 17 were able to make it. I felt bad for the host because she had twice as much food, but on the other hand she should have put an RSVP on the invite since it was a holiday weekend. I know 17 is a whole lot more than two, but I get where you're coming from.

All of our closest family and friends were there. My husband's feelings were hurt because none of his friends showed and most with very lame "reasons". Some people were supposed to be there but just totally flaked. He and I are the type that always go the extra mile, and if any of our friends were having a baby I would be thrilled to find a special gift and definitely be at the shower. So that is where the sting comes from, missed expectations. It's our first baby so it feels like a big deal, but at the end of the day I know that others have lives going on and aren't trying to hurt our feelings. Invites also get lost in the mail or dates mixed up, and money and time are stretched thin around the holidays.

It wasn't about the gifts for us. We have always planned to buy everything for our child and budgeted accordingly before getting pregnant. But we did want more people to make our shower a priority, and were bummed when that didn't happen for whatever reason. But you just have to let it go and be so happy for the shower and the people who came.

A shower isn't a big milestone, it's a shower. People can, and usually do, celebrate birth. People don't have to give reasons as to why they didn't attend a party.

Holiday weekend is always a no go for me, no matter how close I am to the MTB. I have my own traditions (that may seem lame to others) that I do with my family that I'm not leaving for a party.

jennypolkadots · December 2014

That's exactly why I said "It's our first baby so it feels like a big deal, but at the end of the day I know that others have lives going on and aren't trying to hurt our feelings. Invites also get lost in the mail or dates mixed up, and money and time are stretched thin around the holidays."

I didn't get butt hurt about people not coming. We didn't have a big wedding or wedding showers, and didn't really want a baby shower because we feel awkward at these types of events. But it was important to our families so we did just one shower. DH and I both tend to put a lot into relationships and never miss a shower, birthday, etc. and love finding the perfect gift, so sometimes it can bother us that others don't seem to care so much. There are also differences in lifestyles and social circles that come into play here, so we each are going to feel differently during the moment.

I think it's only natural to expect from others what you do in the same situation. But I get that that can be unreasonable at times and it's not like I was upset that people flaked out or something. We had a great turn out and loved seeing our friends and family. Actually, it probably worked out better because I can't imagine if there had been twice that many people, it already felt hectic to me. I was just telling the PP that I get what she means (although very different scenarios) and that it's out of your control. Especially if the shower is on a holiday weekend and there are no RSVPs.

jennypolkadots · December 2014

BubblesMartin said:

I could see being annoyed at people who RSVP'ed but didn't show up, but just because you think someone's reason is "lame" doesn't mean it is to them.

My family is scattered all over the world. So, if someone is home over a holiday weekend, I'm not missing every chance to see said family for a freaking baby shower. A wedding? Sure, but not a shower.

I completely understand where you're coming from. We live in rural Alabama and all of our friend's families were local.

I understand that the validity of excuses isn't something fair to judge. Let me explain. My husband's best friend since age 6 didn't come or even apologize. The day of my husband sent him a text asking if he was planning to come and his response was something like "nah, I'm planning to study". My husband knows good and well this friend never studies and of course could have cut out an hour to come visit if he wanted to at all. This friend gets upset if DH cancels on watching a football game, but he flakes out on us all the time. The sting was mostly because over the last month we have attended 2 wedding showers, hosted an expensive bachelor party, and attended this friend's wedding. So DH felt slighted, rather that is the right or wrong way to feel I don't know. We also have friends who said they would be there but made an appointment with a realtor that day. I'm not talking about people who were spending time with family. Like I said before, we aren't self absorbed and now (5 days later) couldn't care less. Our closest family and friends were there and it was nice to see everyone. But at the time some of it stung a little because of missed expectations. But we were happy with the turn out and had a great time. Just thankful we never have to have a baby shower ever again!