Mommy Guilt

whoberry

RedMar said:

Mommy guilt is returning to work shortly and not sure if I can keep up w breastfeeding. I am really going to try but it's so awkward thinking I'll be in the nurse's office locked in a room milking myself :-/. I have to add in wife guilt as well bc I feel like I'm such a bitch to DH and have no desire for sex.

@redmar  I was super weirded out about pumping at work at first too, but it gets so much less weird.  A few weeks in I had to ask a 70 some year old retired judge if there was a place I could go in the courthouse to pump and my face turned bright red.  (He was totally cool and accommodating)  After that experience I got over my embarrassment and now I am pretty open about it.  If there are people in my office when my pumping alarm goes off, I just kick them out- gotta pump people!  It's still really disruptive to my day, but I am not embarrassed anymore.  Good luck, you can totally do it!

shellbell813

frenchchocolate611 said:

I have so much guilt about so many things...

That after an induction and many interventions that I didn't want/plan to have, I ended up with a c section. I feel like there must have been more I could have done/not done during the labor process to prevent this. I wish I could go back and do it again. All I can think of is what I am going to do with my next baby, but it is discouraging because VBACs are not allowed at any of the hospitals around here and I will likely need to travel 1-2 hours to a major hospital in Boston if I want to try for one.

That I am back at work and don't get enough time with him in the evenings. By the time I am home there are only a few hours left before he goes to sleep for the night. He also cries when I leave in the morning which makes me feel horrible and I often cry on the way to work.

That my dog also feels neglected. He was my baby before LO was born and now I feel like I have no time for him and he acts so depressed. He is great around LO but hides under the bed for most of the day and won't come out - it makes me feel awful.

You pretty much summed up all my guilty for me.

I wish I had taken option number 2 from my doctor and just stayed on bedrest in the hospital and took my chances instead of inducing 4 weeks early. I could've at least gone another week. I also wish I would've said no to breaking my water and getting an epi so that maybe they would've allowed me to at least walk around a little trying to labor (or maybe not since my BP was so high). I am insanely guilty that my body failed me in the first place by making my BP spike and not allowing me to have any symptoms thus putting us in the situation in the first place.

I am also hating leaving Noah at my mom's. I feel like she gets to be more of a mother than I do and that makes me insanely jealous and guilty that I'm not enough to take care of him because I have to work.

I am also feeling guilty that my cat is being neglected and left out. And honestly I don't have the energy to give her any attention. I almost wish we didn't have her, I just don't have time for her. And that makes me sad because even though she drives me nuts at times I still love her to death.

JujuB22

I dropped a tube of diaper cream on my baby boys bare balls. Feel pretty shitty about that.

JmeJoLee83

JujuB22 said:

I dropped a tube of diaper cream on my baby boys bare balls. Feel pretty shitty about that.

Ow I'm sorry but that made me giggle. I accidentally elbowed LO in the head this morning oops!! He acted like he didn't notice

diagonalley

JujuB22 said:

I dropped a tube of diaper cream on my baby boys bare balls. Feel pretty shitty about that.

I'm sorry, I totally laughed out loud. It happens to the best of us. I'm sure he's fine

mrscbrad

JujuB22 said:

I dropped a tube of diaper cream on my baby boys bare balls. Feel pretty shitty about that.

I totally dropped my iPhone on the little guy while taking a picture of him once. He even cried about it. So did I.

BMaidPlanner

These make me so sad. The more I read I kept thinking, "Me too, me too."

How in the hell do we ever feel better?

bigdreams24

Having to go back to work soon and taking away breastfeeding for lengths of time, really stresses her out!

kimberly11511

I feel guilty that she will never have a home. She will never be able to say that she is from ______. That she will not have the same best friend from preschool to adulthood because we keep moving her around the country.
I feel guilty that she will not be able to spend tons of time with our parents because we live so far away. I am guilty that she will not be able to have a normal childhood experience because of dh's job.

pinkchloe

ricecakes1216 said:

  I also feel guilty leaving C at daycare. At the same time I feel guilty because I enjoy my time at work.

Yes, this! Also, feeling guilty that our puppy babies aren't getting as much attention as they'd like.

babygabe614

I love this thread. I hate that you all are struggling with all of these things, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone.

I feel guilty that there are still a LOT of times when I don't know why DD is upset and I can't soothe her, or it takes forever for me to figure it out and then I feel stupid for not thinking of it sooner. I feel guilty that my mom is watching her while I am back at work - and more so, I often feel like she is better off with my mom because she's so creative and fun and makes sure DD gets outside every day, etc. and I could barely keep the diapers changed and bottles made while I was on leave. Yet I come home and my daughter is in fresh clothes, all of our laundry is done and folded and my mom's got a meal in the oven waiting for us. How the hell does she do that?! On that note, I feel like a craptastic wife pretty much 24/7. DH & I are on separate planets right now it feels like. I hate it and I miss my best friend. But something in me is so bitter towards him right now and I can't seem to just get over it and be the nice, loving wife I usually am. Blah. Guilt for days. 

babygabe614

jmar2011 said:

@babygabe614‌ I feel you on the dh thing. I told him last night that I miss talking to him. I think we need a date night soon. Maybe a date night would helo you, too? 1 rule- no baby talk! Also I'm jealous of your mom! That is awesome she is so helpful! I can see why you would want her to watch dd, but I'm sorry it makes you feel bad. If it's any conciliation I have a hard time trying to fit everything in every day too

@jmar2011 I think a date night is a great idea. I just can't figure out the logistics because our only sitter is also the person who watches DD all week while we're at work so I couldn't ask her to watch her even longer than she already does. I'm just not ready to let anyone else take care of her when I'm not around so I guess we are stuck until she's a little older...

babygabe614

jmar2011 said:

@babygabe614‌ I can understand that completely. Maybe after dd goes to bed have a candle light dinner? Or popcorn and a movie? I know we are all tired and exhausted, and you'd much rather sleep when she is asleep, but maybe on a weekend? Sorry if my suggestions are getting annoying

@jmar2011 No, I love your suggestions! They are totally welcome. That's a good idea... maybe we will try to do something tonight. It may not be a "normal" (aka pre-baby) date but hey, it's some quality time with hubs that I think we both really need! 

RedMar

@saltypearl- huggsssss to you momma!!! You are seriously amazing >:D<

Read247

kimberly11511 said:

I feel guilty that she will never have a home. She will never be able to say that she is from ______. That she will not have the same best friend from preschool to adulthood because we keep moving her around the country.
I feel guilty that she will not be able to spend tons of time with our parents because we live so far away. I am guilty that she will not be able to have a normal childhood experience because of dh's job.

You shouldn't feel bad for that! I was a military brat. We moved every year until I was in high school. It didn't feel strange to me because that's how I grew up, it's all I knew!! I got a new house and new friends every year and I thought that was pretty cool. I think it made me a more social person.

Thankfully your LO can still stay in touch with friends and relatives through the internet and skype. My mother lives in another country but my kids know her because they see her on the computer. Cheer up momma! It'll work out

mrscbrad

babygabe614 said:

I love this thread. I hate that you all are struggling with all of these things, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone.

I feel guilty that there are still a LOT of times when I don't know why DD is upset and I can't soothe her, or it takes forever for me to figure it out and then I feel stupid for not thinking of it sooner. I feel guilty that my mom is watching her while I am back at work - and more so, I often feel like she is better off with my mom because she's so creative and fun and makes sure DD gets outside every day, etc. and I could barely keep the diapers changed and bottles made while I was on leave. Yet I come home and my daughter is in fresh clothes, all of our laundry is done and folded and my mom's got a meal in the oven waiting for us. How the hell does she do that?! On that note, I feel like a craptastic wife pretty much 24/7. DH & I are on separate planets right now it feels like. I hate it and I miss my best friend. But something in me is so bitter towards him right now and I can't seem to just get over it and be the nice, loving wife I usually am. Blah. Guilt for days. 

This is me exactly!! My mom is keeping my LO while I work too and I get so jealous/amazed. She evens sends me home with dinner two nights a week. I considered showering daily a win. She also seems to be so much better at playing with him and stuff than I am.

We also can hardly get a date night bc she's our sitter and I feel like I'm taking over her life enough. She's beyond happy w the arrangement but I feel like I owe her a kidney right now. Basically guilt all over and tons of feels.

jenlynne0624

@babygabe614‌ yup the second half of that. Dh and I on opposite planets and the not getting much done during the day thing. This is hard. You're doing a great job.

frenchchocolate611

@babygabe614‌ I agree with all that too - my mom watches LO one day a week and is amazing with him! Also did our laundry this week and made dinner! I feel like she always has fun and new ideas to entertain him and I just never come up with any ideas like that! I also feel you on the DH thing - our relationship is so strained right now and I hate it!! I think I am jealous that he gets to spend so much more time with our LO but I feel like he doesn't appreciate it.

fsumom

I thought I couldn't breastfeed my daughter and that I didn't have enough milk and so I stopped 11 days pp.  Plus I was recovering from a c-section.  Although she's an extremely healthy child and thrived on formula, I will always feel guilty that I wasn't more knowledgable and didn't try harder. That was 8 years ago and I have learned so much since then in regards to breastfeeding.  Then DS came along and boy did we have issues.  DS lost 15oz from his birth weight and just wasn't nursing efficiently so I had to start pumping.  I also had to supplement a little with formula for a week or two.  He was mostly bottle fed for a couple of months although I never permanently quit nursing as I would nurse for MOTN feedings and mornings.  I noticed his latch getting better and so on August 26th, we went an entire day without a bottle.  I was amazed that he did well.  He hasn't had a bottle since.  He was almost 3 months old before he was able to nurse well!  To those that are still trying and losing hope, rest assured that it can happen this late.  But if it doesn't, there is nothing wrong with pumping or formula!  A happy, healthy baby AND mommy is what's important.   

BabyCurtiss2014

No milk, SEVERE carpal tunnel pain that I waited too long to get cortisone shots for which prevented me from holding LO much and PPD! PPD is real and scary! All better now, but I still feel bad about it all at times. :-(

jclester614

@babygabe614‌ How does she do it?!

I have guilt over many of the same things - not doing enough for LO or our household in one day, and def feeling like DH and I are wandering apart.

I work PT from home, and I know that may sound like a dream to those of you who are struggling with going back to work, but it basically makes me feel like I do a shitty job at everything because there are too many things on my plate. I am so, so, so grateful for the time with LO, don't get me wrong. But I feel really guilty when I see photos of my friends' kids at daycare and they are getting way more stimulation and strategic / developmental play.

seb827

Not being able to breastfeed, having to give my son SUPER expensive formula just so he'll grow and thrive, and having to give him a pacie in the hospital when he was barely a day old because he wouldn't soothe and none of us had slept. I felt like the worst mom EVER on that last one. But hey, you're not a mom until you've felt just a little guilt, right?

irenewslee

Like a lot of people here... Mommy guilt from going back to work. It has only been 2 weeks and I feel like I am missing out so much already. Today I found out she can grab on things easily without missing like she used to. She can also roll over from back to tummy and every once and awhile can do tummy to back. Just two days ago she was struggling to do it and before I realized, she has already mastered it! I knew this would happen but I didnt think it woulf hit me this hard.

I also feel like I have no time for her. By the time I get home from daycare, I hurry to start prepping dinner and then pump. This week I decided that dinner and pumping can come later but I at least want to spend 10-15 minutes playing with her before I do anything else. Once we finish dinner, H plays with her for 10 mins, gives her a bath and a bottle and she is out cold.