~ Loss Check-In ~

CherryPicked

Hi ladies, I hope you have been kind to yourselves this week.  

Welcome to the check-in! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too. 

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

QOTW: Do you find yourself often in the anger "stage" of grief?  What are you angry about?  How do you cope with it?

diamante1181

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
No. The only thing I can do is breathe, do what I gotta do, and try not to break.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 
I got in contact with a doctor who apparently is the shiznit at TAC, which I have decided is probably the most effective way to help prevent future loss. We are speaking on the 26th and I must say I finally feel like someone understands that when I say "I think something may not be right" doesn't automatically think I am crazy because a textbook said I was fine. 

QOTW: Do you find yourself often in the anger "stage" of grief?  What are you angry about?  How do you cope with it?

Anger is an understatement. I feel angry because I thought I was strong in my faith and that God would take care of Phoebe, guess He's just doing it in a different way now. I can't say that I'm honestly coping with it. I think today is a bad day, and I know that the funeral home has Phoebe ready, I don't know what the hold up is. She needs to come home to her family.

forevermyfenix

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
I did email my internship about going back sometimes soon. No date set yet and they're being flexible. Maybe I'll start again on the 29th. I'm waiting on the professional pictures we had done of Fenix to come in the mail still. I guess it'll depend on how I cope with getting those pictures and knowing there will never be any more. This may be TMI, but DH and I were finally able to be intimate again after delivery. That is one step I was scared of, but, I'm glad to say it was actually enjoyable.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 
Make it through the week I guess and allow myself to grieve for the fact that I won't have any more pictures of Fenix. I'm also going to start temping in preparation for TTC again in January. I never had an issue of infertility before, but I'm scared of it and maybe temping will give me a sense of control over that aspect. 
QOTW: Do you find yourself often in the anger "stage" of grief?  What are you angry about?  How do you cope with it?

This whole time I've been stumped because I hadn't been able to feel anger yet. I was upset because I saw anger as the only emotion that could influence some sort of action. I finally got angry at family members who tried to compare my loss to theirs. Ended up having to block my mother and my grandmother from facebook, and I've decided to not try to maintain a relationship with them. Sounds callous, but if you knew them you'd understand. People with Borderline personality disorder are not something I need to worry about now. 

mrslucid

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Aside from counseling no.  It's been a tough week, especially  now that the weekend is here.  We would normally be out doing something with Ava.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 
I'm still just trying to make it through one day at a time.
QOTW: Do you find yourself often in the anger "stage" of grief?  What are you angry about?  How do you cope with it?
I'm angry that my baby isn't here.  That a healthy three year old is suddenly gone with no explanation.  I am screaming inside but really want to just scream and throw things but I know that won't change anything.  I keep hoping that the last couple of weeks have just been a bad dream that I'll wake up from and have my daughter back.

lexusolsen

kderoy said:

Hi ladies, I hope you have been kind to yourselves this week.  



Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
kind of? This week has been odd. It is the second week of school and the first full week. I struggled over the summer what to tell new students about my life and Ben's death. I eventually decided to just say that my husband and I have two kids. In one class, someone asked how old they were. I answered that my dd was three and that my son died in March... Awkward ninth grade silence. The next day I talked to him and thanked him for asking about my family and told him I am always happy to talk about either of my children. Another student asked about my memorial necklace. That was less awkward since I have some returning students (who were so sweet and excited about my pregnancy) in that class. It's just so odd. Life really does move on. We are approaching six months since we lost Ben but it feels like so much longer.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 
I am really struggling to lose the weight I gained with Ben. I just can't seem to keep my changes going when the grief really hits me. I'll be fine for two weeks and then have an emotional set back which leads to emotional eating. I'm working out three days a week though so I'm slowly getting healthier and stronger.
QOTW: Do you find yourself often in the anger
"stage" of grief?  What are you angry about?  How do you cope with it?

Not so much anymore. Just a quiet sadness. I just miss him so much and I hate that this while situation is so far beyond my control.

lexusolsen

@mrslucid I'm so sorry for your loss. Have you found a support group or someone to talk to? When we first started looking for a support group we came across one for child loss. Idk if something like that exists in your area.

@artgeek009‌ I was hesitant as well. Have you read "When hello means goodbye"? Apparently, we aren't alone in this fear. It made me feel a little better. Good for you blocking those who bring you down. You have every right to protect yourself, more now than ever.

@diamante1181‌ I can't imagine the amount of anger you feel. The religious aspect of our lives becomes so tricky after a loss, doesn't it? I just don't even know where to begin when it comes to my faith anymore.

I'll be thinking of you ladies this week.

mrslucid

@lexuolsen My husband and I are seeing a grief counselor which is helping.  She doesn't want us joining a support group yet because our loss is so recent.

GymSpaz26

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I guess just walking forward. We've got a lot going on and some big transitions happening in the next month to six weeks, so I think I'm mostly just trying to hold it together right now.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I don't know if they really count as goals, but one is just trying to figure out a plan for making it through the next five weeks. My due date was Oct. 17th. Our anniversary is Oct. 22 (which was really special last year because we got an unplanned ultrasound (I only had one other ultrasound at 20 weeks) and got to see Zedekiah cozy as can be and sucking his thumb). Then Zedekiah's birthday is October 27th. And he passed away on Oct. 31st, which also just happens to be my almost 3-year-old nephew's birthday. Oh, and we're going to be moving across the state sometime in October.

We also need to come up with a plan of how we want to celebrate Zedekiah's birthday.

QOTW: Do you find yourself often in the anger "stage" of grief?  What are you angry about?  How do you cope with it? I'm a very easy going, slow to anger person, so even in grief I think it is an emotion I haven't had as much as many others. I did have a few weeks where I struggled with feeling somewhat angry and frustrated, but I think I've struggled more with other feelings.

CherryPicked

@diamante1181 - I'm glad you found a doctor who understands you and sounds very supportive.

@artgeek009 - Not getting any more pictures is one of those things that feels very unfair.  I am lucky to have a lot of pictures of my daughter, but it still feels so wrong that I've taken my last one.

@mrslucid - One day at a time is a good goal.  I know it doesn't change what happened but I hope you get some answers soon.

@lexusolsen - I relate to the quiet sadness.  

@GymSpaz26 - I will be thinking of you in October. 

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

I contacted a local hospital about being a parent resource for families getting a similar diagnosis.  I am excited about this and although I'm sure it will be hard, I think it will be a great way to honor Caroline. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

No big goals right now, just trying to get through each day.

QOTW: Do you find yourself often in the anger "stage" of grief?  What are you angry about?  How do you cope with it?  

I have not been very angry; instead I have just been sad.  Sad to lose the most precious person in my life.  Caroline's condition was no one's fault and I can't be mad at God for giving me time with the sweetest little girl in the world, even though I wish we had more time.

stefuge

@GymSpaz26‌ - thinking of you as October gets closer. The days leading up to Colton's first birthday were really hard, but it was good to do something special for him. I'm sure you'll find just the right thing for Zedekiah's birthday.

@kderoy‌ - I love the idea of being a parent resource for other families faced with Caroline's similar diagnosis. What an amazing way to remember and honor your daughter!