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Pressure to try again...

Juliek113Juliek113 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Hi there.  I have had two losses since October 2013.  My last this past May at 19 weeks.  My beautiful son would be due in just a few short weeks.   My mother in law is desperate for a grandchild.  It was ALL she talked about when my husband and I got married in 2010.  When we lost out first last year at 9 weeks it was devastating.  We got pregnant again right away in January and thought for sure we would be fine.  At 19 weeks I delivered my sweet boy when my cervix gave out.   I've now been diagnosed with IC.   We do want to try again, but I've made it very clear that I need a break.  

Like I mentioned, my due date is coming up.  Today I received a text from my MIL with a picture of a tricycle she bought at a yard sale.   So proud she got it for 5 bucks.  This woman doesn't have an evil bone in her body, I know she didn't mean it to be hurtful - just hopeful.   I just feel it was insensitive and thoughtless.  My husband doesn't get it....knowing it's harmless.   I just feel this tremendous pressure to try again A! S! A! P!   While I'm 35, my husband is 42.  We're both getting older and that just further adds to the stress.   I'm just not ready to go through this again right now.   Does anyone else feel this way?    Thanks for listening.  
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Re: Pressure to try again...

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    seadanaseadana member
    Have you talked to your MIL about how it makes you feel? Does she know how your miscarriages have taken their toll emotionally and physically on you? Maybe talking to her about this would help...?

    BFP #1: 10/2011, Pre-eclampsia in last 6 weeks, emergency C-section, DD born 6/25/11

    BFP #2: 8/16/14, Ectopic Pregnancy & Methotrexate Inj. 9/5/14, Adverse MTX reaction, HCG levels down after 2 weeks

    BFP #3: 2/23/2016, EDD 10/28/2016


     

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    Juliek113Juliek113 member
    Thank you for your reply.  I know that's the obvious thing I should do.  My husband wishes I wouldn't because he feels it would hurt her feelings - but I'm like what about mine!  I need to practice a way to talk to her in a way that will get my point across without her getting upset. :(
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    KingLEDKingLED member
    I'm so sorry for your losses. Take the time you need to grieve before you try again. It's a rough journey and take a big toll. Having a heart to heart with your H and/or your MIL is probably a good idea so that you can hopefully avoid these things in the future. I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. Take care of yourself.
    Son: Jackson, 11/02/06, stillborn due to PPROM and IUGR. Over the next ten years we had 9 miscarriages from 8-14 weeks. On May 18, 2016 my daughter, Ridley, was born. We're OADNBC.
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    salsa_wifeysalsa_wifey member

    Don't let others pressure you.  It will be better for everyone if you wait until you are ready. 

    Talking to her might be a good idea.  I know you don't want to hurt her feelings but she's unknowingly hurting you and I would bet she wouldn't want to continue to do that.  Maybe you can think of a nice way to tell her or maybe if your husband is concerned about her reaction, he could talk to her.  Something simple like, "Juliek113 is having a hard time with the due date coming up.  We know you mean only the best but she needs time to grieve and right now the tricycle texts are hard for her.  She just needs some time."

    image 

    | <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Tracker</a>[url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/43ff7d]
    [img]http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ticker/43ff7d/ttc.png[/img]
    [/    RA with Sjogren's Syndrome. Risk of heart block in newborn. Age: DH and I are both 38.
    BFP #1: 11/25/2007, EDD 7/28/2008 - Missed m/c (blighted ovum) 12/6/2007 6w3d, D&C 1/3/2008.
    BFP #2: 4/2008 - Natural m/c at 6w.
    Met with RE in 5/2008 full cycle analysis and SA normal. Not considered high risk for blood clots but prescribed 1 baby aspirin a day precautionary during TTC and Progesterone suppositories during 1st trimester of pregnancy.
    BFP #3: 10/17/2008. EDD 6/23/2009,  Third time's the charm! Healthy baby boy born 6/27/2009 via emergency c-section.
    BFP #4: 6/14/2011. Healthy baby boy born 2/16/2012 via elective c-section.
    BFP #5: 1/15/2014. EDD 9/22/2014.     2/17/14:.We have a BABY!!! Heart rate 167 and measuring on time. 3/10/14 u/s #2 baby measuring perfectly at 12 weeks at heart rate of 166. NT u/s was normal. Maternit21 blood draw on 3/5/14. Results back on 3/19 - Normal.  It's a BOY!!!  4/10/14 at 16 weeks, 3 days discovered baby's heart stopped at 15 weeks, 6 days. D&C 4/11/14.  Pathology results were all normal.  New information on 8/11/14 - blood test revealed 1/3 of babys blood was in mine caused, most likely, by a tear in the placenta from extreme coughing.  Doctor believes this to be the cause of death.  Repeat D&C and Hysteroscopy scheduled for 8/19/14.  My Chart

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