Special interest question

Hiccup15

DS1 lives and breathes anything giraffes and yellow. Yellow, because giraffes are yellow. Giraffes come up quickly in any conversation from adult to other children. He's had a lot of problems at preschool, playgrounds, or classes if he doesn't get an item that is yellow or a giraffe. We've had to stop bringing him to a little mom and pop shoe store and a European grocery store because they give all kids a sticker or lollipop. DS1 could be happy as ever and once the cashier asks if he would like a sticker and he realizes they don't have a giraffe one he melts down. It usually takes over an hour for him to calm down. DH and I feel terrible because people try to be nice to him and they think they will make his day with something and the opposite occurs. 

It has really gotten out of control. I've been slowly trying to expand him to other animals and colors. He does pretty well at home, if it is just us. If we have company over, it's like he reverts back to his favorites. When we are out, I haven't found much to help him. I think it's some sensory thing overwhelming him (too bright out, too loud, too many people) that makes him almost need these favorites to comfort him. 

How would you handle this? He is doing so well at home and I just can't get him to translate the work we've done to when we are out or having company over.

thefuturemrskudla

When you say he is doing well at home, do you mean accepting other items? Non animal and non yellow items?
I can't see his age, I am on my phone, but can you tell him "you can have a lollipop, etc., or nothing, your choice?" to see if that can mitigate his reaction?

hopecounts

Given the level of intensity I would seriously consider consulting a behaviorist (ABA?)

It sounds like it is Socially Inhibiting at this point which for me means it needs to be addressed. If it was simply a preference (would you like the red or the yellow balloon "yellow please') it would be fine but given that it is a MUST to the point of causing melt downs I'd bring in a specialist and address it in the fashion they recommend. 

think of it this way he is what at most 2 years from kindy? at that point it is seriously going to interfere with his ability to access a regular classroom if it doesn't clear up and while it may do so on it's own it may just transition to another special interest and the problem may continue. 

Better he start learning now to regulate his special interest then run into increasing trouble over it. 

Hiccup15

thefuturemrskudla said:

When you say he is doing well at home, do you mean accepting other items? Non animal and non yellow items? I can't see his age, I am on my phone, but can you tell him "you can have a lollipop, etc., or nothing, your choice?" to see if that can mitigate his reaction?

He'll be 5 in November. At home he has been accepting any color and is fine with other animals. He now sleeps with other stuffed animals. He is still stuck on animals though. He can play with other things but only if we initiate and it usually comes back to animals in some way or another. 

hopecounts

And even if it is sensory in my opinion he needs to find a more appropriate way to handle it or work on being better able to process sensory input via OT or whatever therapy approach is correct for his specific situation. 

Hiccup15

hopecounts said:

Given the level of intensity I would seriously consider consulting a behaviorist (ABA?)

It sounds like it is Socially Inhibiting at this point which for me means it needs to be addressed. If it was simply a preference (would you like the red or the yellow balloon "yellow please') it would be fine but given that it is a MUST to the point of causing melt downs I'd bring in a specialist and address it in the fashion they recommend. 

think of it this way he is what at most 2 years from kindy? at that point it is seriously going to interfere with his ability to access a regular classroom if it doesn't clear up and while it may do so on it's own it may just transition to another special interest and the problem may continue. 

Better he start learning now to regulate his special interest then run into increasing trouble over it. 

Can we do ABA without a diagnosis or order? He is on two waiting lists to see Developmental Pedis and he just starting seeing a psychologist. But I would love to start sooner rather than later. I do agree, it will be a problem in kindy. We actually just did his screening for the school district this morning and it was hard watching him with the other kids and adults. We don't get the results for a week and then they flag the kids for a full evaluation. Next week can't come soon enough. 

hopecounts

Insurance won't cover it without a diagnosis but the 2 ABA providers we have worked with were fine working with kids who didn't yet have an official diagnosis. 

Her current one (a private school ABA based program) requests the child be in the process (i.e. parents are seeking an eval/testing) but that's it, they pretty much assume you wouldn't be paying that kind of money if you didn't strongly feel something wasn't right. 

Her original providers didn't care either way, if you felt your child could benefit from ABA they were happy to work with them if in their intake they showed oddities. 

Hiccup15

Thank you for the input everyone. Thanks for the links @auntie. 

I'm sure there it is some behavioral as well. The reason why I think sensory plays a part in it is because he has never done well out in public or on sunny days(sunny days are an easy fix and he changes the moment he gets sunglasses on) Even as an infant he would just scream. He has a difficult time is stores, museums, zoo, anywhere basically...About 80% of the time we are out or visiting with friends he is either whining, crying, or complaining. Over time we realized it had to do with how many people are around him. When by chance we went someplace that was less busy we noticed that's when he would have a good time. Same place a week later at a different but busy time and he would go back to his usual. 

This has occurred at places that at home he says he likes and couldn't wait to go, but once there he is back to his usual self. 

We still take him places that are crowded, no avoiding where we live even if I wanted to. I want him to get used to going places and doing things and actually enjoying them so that he can be a well adjusted kid/adult. When he has these meltdowns, we've always done the ignore and not give him any attention. DH and I are both great at just finishing what we were going to get if at the grocery store so he doesn't think crying will get him to not go or go to the car. 

The two stores that offer stickers that I've stopped going with him to is because it would take him so long to calm down after being offered the stickers. Which made it really hard to get him safely to the car with DS2 in tow. Especially since DS2 is a runner. 

macchiatto

Oh wow, even from your very first sentence I was struck by the similarity to my own son ... his special interests are lions and the color purple. I don't think I've come across another kid who also had the two SIs of an African animal and a color. Anyhow ... my son can get very upset in similar situations if he doesn't get the lion or the purple whatever. His meltdowns don't usually last that long, but they're definitely more likely if he's tired or overstimulated. We've worked really hard with him over the past 3 years on being more flexible with those. We've made progress, but at times there are still huge meltdowns. That's great that you're seeing a psyc now; I would definitely talk to him/her about this.

Hiccup15

macchiatto said:

Oh wow, even from your very first sentence I was struck by the similarity to my own son ... his special interests are lions and the color purple. I don't think I've come across another kid who also had the two SIs of an African animal and a color. Anyhow ... my son can get very upset in similar situations if he doesn't get the lion or the purple whatever. His meltdowns don't usually last that long, but they're definitely more likely if he's tired or overstimulated. We've worked really hard with him over the past 3 years on being more flexible with those. We've made progress, but at times there are still huge meltdowns. That's great that you're seeing a psyc now; I would definitely talk to him/her about this.

Wow. I haven't met any other kids that are even into animals. Of course they like them but most are into superheros and frozen currently. I'm glad your son has made progress. I have spoke about it to the psyc. We've only had two sessions so far and he has parents stay with the kids for awhile, so we are going to discuss everything on the phone tomorrow so I can freely talk without DS1 being there.

funchicken

DD1 was really into stuffed animals and the color blue. She wasn't stuck on one animal, but starting when she was 3 she would bring a stuffed animal with her everywhere. She also wanted to wear only blue clothes and shoes. Like your DS if there was a choice of items and one was blue, she always wanted the blue one.

Her pre-k teacher and I worked on this a lot. The teacher used the "you get what you get and you don't get upset" mantra. She also started making DD keep her stuffed animal du jour up on a shelf so it didn't interfere with class. We started sabotaging the blue thing at home, too. Like, if we were going to play a game we would roll a die to see who got to pick their game piece first. If DH or I got to pick first we would take the blue game piece. DD had meltdowns the first 5 or 6 times, and then they turned into mild protests and eventually stopped altogether.

I started sabotaging her blue preference more in kindie, and now she says she has 3 favorite colors. She actually asked for a pink pencil box for school this year. Anytime she starts to show rigidity around something, I take it away for a while or make her take turns with it. She was fixated on using this one fork all of the time because she thought it was fancier than the other forks. Yeah, that fork is no longer in the rotation.

For DD I really think it's an anxiety-driven behavior. My job is to help her realize she will be okay even without the fancy fork or the blue balloon or a stuffed dolphin in her backpack. I was ecstatic yesterday when she told me she wasn't going to bring a toy with her to school this year (she's starting first grade). We've been working toward this for 3 years.

blondegirl74

My DS is into trains. He prefers them over anything else, but can be ok if he can't get to them for the most part. I have noticed, like funchicken said, that when he gets really stuck on them that it is anxiety driven. This might be something to think about. Oh and my DS favorite color is red but he's not too rigid about that.

Hiccup15

funchicken said:

DD1 was really into stuffed animals and the color blue. She wasn't stuck on one animal, but starting when she was 3 she would bring a stuffed animal with her everywhere. She also wanted to wear only blue clothes and shoes. Like your DS if there was a choice of items and one was blue, she always wanted the blue one.

Her pre-k teacher and I worked on this a lot. The teacher used the "you get what you get and you don't get upset" mantra. She also started making DD keep her stuffed animal du jour up on a shelf so it didn't interfere with class. We started sabotaging the blue thing at home, too. Like, if we were going to play a game we would roll a die to see who got to pick their game piece first. If DH or I got to pick first we would take the blue game piece. DD had meltdowns the first 5 or 6 times, and then they turned into mild protests and eventually stopped altogether.

I started sabotaging her blue preference more in kindie, and now she says she has 3 favorite colors. She actually asked for a pink pencil box for school this year. Anytime she starts to show rigidity around something, I take it away for a while or make her take turns with it. She was fixated on using this one fork all of the time because she thought it was fancier than the other forks. Yeah, that fork is no longer in the rotation.

For DD I really think it's an anxiety-driven behavior. My job is to help her realize she will be okay even without the fancy fork or the blue balloon or a stuffed dolphin in her backpack. I was ecstatic yesterday when she told me she wasn't going to bring a toy with her to school this year (she's starting first grade). We've been working toward this for 3 years.

Funny you should mention anxiety. He is very anxious, which his psyc and I are coming up with a plan to address it. When going to school last year he did want to have his stuffed animal in his backpack. I don't let him bring anything when we are out and about, but he will try to find something like a yellow car on the road or parking lot. When I ask him about it, he'll say 

"I just wanted to SEE it"

For bowls and plates at home we have those kid ones from Ikea that come in different colors. I've put up all the yellow ones awhile ago, and he is fine with the other colors now. 

Did you put up all of her stuffed animals? I'm thinking maybe putting away all his stuffed animals and animal figurines might help. 

The idea of sabotaging his pick of yellow is a good idea. Like with the plates since yellow isn't an option he's been fine with other colors, but I'm positive if someone else had the yellow plate he would meltdown.  

Hiccup15

-auntie- said:

macchiatto said:

Oh wow, even from your very first sentence I was struck by the similarity to my own son ... his special interests are lions and the color purple. I don't think I've come across another kid who also had the two SIs of an African animal and a color.  

I know of a few. Lions and/or tigers are pretty popular, so are sharks, birds of prey and dinosaurs. In terms of colors, I'd give green a slight edge for the ASD crowd, along with blue as a close second.

Yellow is different. When I was GATE tested in 2nd grade the school psych was stuck on yellow being my favorite color and talked with my mom at length about it being "unusual".

Do you know what might be different about yellow @auntie ? I tried googling but kept finding things about yellow being a happy color. Would it be just that most people prefer other colors like blue, red, green etc... to yellow?

funchicken

I didn't take the stuffed animals away in pre-k because she wasn't the only one who brought them; they were age-appropriate; and she usually brought one that corresponded to what they were learning about. She also loved showing her teacher what she brought (she has some pretty exotic ones). I thought about taking them away, but her teacher thought we should try the slower approach and see how she did.

In kindie I allowed her to bring a small stuffed animal in her backpack, like really small. At the beginning of the year she had a hard time packing up her backpack and zipping it closed, so I didn't want to make it worse with a big stuffed animal in the way. I told her she wasn't allowed to take her toy out of her backpack until the bus ride home.

This summer I didn't let her bring anything to camp with her, and she was totally fine with it.

You could try bringing back the yellow dishes but not let him have them every time. When they're dirty, he has to pick a different color or you make yourself a snack on that plate and see how he reacts. I would try different things. Have grandma come over and give her the yellow cup. I push the limits at home because I'd rather deal with a meltdown at home than out somewhere. Would his teachers be willing to push this, too? He's still at an age where the other kids are pretty forgiving of crying and meltdowns. All four year olds have bad days.

I always try to remember Auntie's advice about anxiety. If you give in to the anxious behavior you're communicating to him that you don't have confidence that he will be okay without the yellow giraffe. He needs to be okay not just without it, but if another kid walks into the room with a yellow giraffe, you want him to be okay with that, too.

Hiccup15

funchicken said:

I didn't take the stuffed animals away in pre-k because she wasn't the only one who brought them; they were age-appropriate; and she usually brought one that corresponded to what they were learning about. She also loved showing her teacher what she brought (she has some pretty exotic ones). I thought about taking them away, but her teacher thought we should try the slower approach and see how she did.

In kindie I allowed her to bring a small stuffed animal in her backpack, like really small. At the beginning of the year she had a hard time packing up her backpack and zipping it closed, so I didn't want to make it worse with a big stuffed animal in the way. I told her she wasn't allowed to take her toy out of her backpack until the bus ride home.

This summer I didn't let her bring anything to camp with her, and she was totally fine with it.

You could try bringing back the yellow dishes but not let him have them every time. When they're dirty, he has to pick a different color or you make yourself a snack on that plate and see how he reacts. I would try different things. Have grandma come over and give her the yellow cup. I push the limits at home because I'd rather deal with a meltdown at home than out somewhere. Would his teachers be willing to push this, too? He's still at an age where the other kids are pretty forgiving of crying and meltdowns. All four year olds have bad days.

I always try to remember Auntie's advice about anxiety. If you give in to the anxious behavior you're communicating to him that you don't have confidence that he will be okay without the yellow giraffe. He needs to be okay not just without it, but if another kid walks into the room with a yellow giraffe, you want him to be okay with that, too.

That is actually very good advice. I think we will start with yellow him being O.K when other people have the yellow item and work are way up to giraffes. We moved so he will be going to a new preschool this year. It starts in two weeks, so I will have to see how the teachers are. 

funchicken

That was just an example Like I said, it took us three years to get to this point. I take a different approach depending on what the issue is. Dealing with a child with anxiety can be so hard sometimes.

@macchiatto had a really helpful post recently about using scaffolding to broaden her DS's SI. Not sure if you saw that one.

macchiatto

Glad it was helpful, @funchicken!
This is the link if OP wanted to check it out: 

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/83692240/#Comment_83692240

The sabotaging has been helpful for us, too; his EI and some of his other therapists got us started doing that. He gradually explained to second, third, fourth and fifth favorite colors. And this fall for the first time he mentioned "animals" instead of just "lions" when I asked for his favorite things for his First Day of School pic. 

We've come a long way, but recently EI did a drawing activity and took the purple colored pencil to use herself and calmly insisted he needed to choose a different color. (He qualified to keep EI til he turns 6.) His prolonged reaction to that showed me it's definitely still something we need to work on! It's in-home "family training" and his oh-so-helpful twin brother first tried to console him, "You can have the ice-blue pencil, X! You like that one, too!" Then tried stealing the purple pencil from EI. Then cooperated with the activity for a while (while X continued to resist) ... then started jumping around the room and acting crazy and actually told us, "I'm trying to create a distraction so X doesn't have to do things he doesn't want to." Having an NT twin in the mix has its pros and cons.

macchiatto

-auntie- said:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12227632/very-mad-at-our-aide-am-i-wrong

Gotta love the new bump glitch that won't capture the final link. Grr.

That was an interesting, helpful thread; thanks for the link! I do sometimes wrestle with how much to push versus not and what battles to choose. I tend to push a LOT more than DH does (he has a mysterious soft spot for whining, for one thing ) but I've also been in almost all the therapy sessions and he's only been in a handful. Getting on the same page for those things is a constant effort. Our other kid is pretty spirited so there are a lot of battles with that one, too.