When did you tell family you were TTC?

short0ne22

My immediate family lives out of state and though I talk to my mom on the phone every week, DH and I haven't seen my parents, my sister and my nieces since Christmas. Back then, we were only a few months into TTC and mostly mum on the subject. 

We are going to visit this weekend and it seems like this might be a good time to mention our hopes of starting a family. Now that we're approaching the one year mark, I feel almost guilty not talking about it. I feel like if I don't tell them, I'm keeping a secret from my mom and sis especially now that TTC is becoming such a big part of our lives. We haven't been avoiding the subject by any means, but I do feel its a bit awkward to bring up in conversation unprompted. ("What's new you ask? Well, we've been trying to make a baby!")

We don't want to make an announcement that we're trying or anything, we are just discussing whether or not we should bring it up and how to bring it up.

Any thoughts on the subject? At what point (and how) did you share with you parents/immediate family that you're TTC or are you choosing not to tell?

nandaboob06

We are not telling for the simple fact that we dont need 20 questions on why its taking so long, when will I be pregnant, why we are having another kid. Its just our personal reasons. Every one is different.

Bee1112

We are choosing not to tell. I don't want to deal with the pressure from more people and the constant "oh you don't feel good? Are you pregnant" or anything else like that. My SIL tells everyone they are trying and everyone is always questioning her. I wouldn't like that.

abigailwaslike

I've been wondering the same thing. Part of me wants to tell the family, but then I worry that I'll get a call asking if I'm pregnant. Not sure if I would want to deal with that if I got a bfn that month. So as of now were just keeping it between just the two of us!

ginger1228

I still deny to H's family that I even want kids. His mom drives me nuts and I get satisfaction bc I know it drives her nuts when I say I don't want kids.

If I were more mature I still wouldn't tell her. Or my family. We've only been trying for a couple months but I might say something closer to the year mark. Especially if we go to an RE.

delujm0

We always said we'd get married when we were ready to start a family. After being together for almost 10 years we got married in May. We didn't specifically tell anyone we were TTC...but they all know. Most of them are conscientious enough to not directly ask us any questions unless we volunteer information.

ShellyR

We will be at the one year mark next week. We aren't telling our families. This is hard enough. I can't deal with anybody else's expectations and disappointments. 

Cythe

I've been pretty open about it with my family. My brother just had a baby 4 months ago and his son has already outgrown all his clothes so he flat out asked me if I wanted them. I think it first came up about 2 months in or something.

I've not gotten any questions about why its taking so long, and when people ask me when we're going to have kids, I usually tell them. Unless I'm feeling like an asshat, in which case I tell them its none of their business.

Jamesy

I don't plan on saying anything. I'd probably revise if we were closer to a year of trying or were seeking assistance (from a doctor ) to get pregnant. 

SpartanChick88

We aren't telling our families. They think we are OAD and if, for some reason it doesn't happen I'm happier with no questions asked along the way

Erinm278

When we were TTC DD we didn't tell anyone, except my mom. She was great and never asked questions, she was just there when I needed to ask someone something.

This time around I've told my mom that we're trying again and I've told some close friends.

KS0510

We aren't telling anyone. Although, it is on their radar due to a couple losses earlier this year, we don't want to talk to anyone about it. It will be a happy surprise this way for our family. I have couple girlfriends I update about it but that's it.

icaughtfire

I told my mom when I got my Mirena out. She's not the type to bother me constantly asking if I'm pregnant.

GiveMeWine

I made the mistake of telling my mom... Everytime we talk on the phone she asks me "are you pregnant yet??"
Since she lives 3,000 miles away so I have the option of only talking to her when I feel like it... Other wise I could not imagine hearing that question everyday!

Also, my mom has four kids which she did not have trouble conceiving... So she doesn't understand not being able to get pregnant right away.
Edit: add more words

hydrangea1019

We haven't told family, but we've told a couple friends. Although, I have a feeling some family members have an idea.

catwine

We have not, and will not, tell family we are TTC.  Our parents would say we are too young, not financially ready, should pay off more of our house, etc and I don't care to hear that.  

I told a friend of mine who was also TTC, so it was nice to have someone to talk to IRL.  My husband told his best friend in passing, so I doubt he even remembers.   

My grandma asked me a couple weeks ago when we are going to give her more great grandchildren, since my cousins have all had kids.  I said not for a while...I felt like storming off though.

schwabab

I told both parents that "were thinking of trying for a baby this year-we're excited, but it's still new to us so we haven't gotten all of the sorts sorted through yet." They got the picture and we didn't have to answer any awkward questions of why it's taking so long by saying "we've been trying for a baby" just that were thinking of it! Lol.

blitzy23

That is a hard call to make! I think you don't owe anyone any personal information unless you want to share it. I totally get the idea of wanting to talk about it, because it is nice to have support. At the same time, I know I can't handle all of the unsolicited advice that would come if family knew!

daystardreams

I told my sister and my best friend pretty immediately. They both told me when they were trying and they both tried for almost a year before getting pregnant. I don't really have any advice on how to tell because it was a very casual when I told them. I said, "J and I are making a baby!" After our loss however, I was telling my mom about my six week post-loss check up and she asked me if the doctor cleared us to try again. I told her yes and she asked if we were going to right away. I told her yes. I don't think I would've told her but I've never been big about lying so I told her the truth. Also, my sister and best friend knew I was going to ask if we could try again at the check up so they knew the first day also.

I feel very comfortable with the people that know we are trying. Although my sister and best friend have never experienced a loss, they understand the pain of BFNs. They ask where I am in my cycle occasionally but it isn't overly invasive. My mom hasn't mentioned trying again since that first time when she asked me. That was three months ago. Good luck!

WestIsleFlower

I've told my mom, cousin, and best friend that I am going off the pill after our Fiji trip and I am already regretting it. It could take us a year to conceive and I know we will get tons of questions if it doesn't happen right away, not only from them but other family members. I wish we had waited until we got a BFP +12 weeks. But if anything does (or doesn't) happen, I know we have a great support system.

VeganOnTuesdays

We told my parents after month 4 of ttc. Still haven't told his parents. I at first wanted to keep it a secret from both sets of parents so that it would be a huge surprise but my mom is one of my best friends so keeping my lips sealed proved to be difficult.

~Mrs.Wise~

Our families know I have endo and know we are trying. The only hurtful comments have come from FIL's side but we don't see any of them often enough for it to really be an issue. My family and MIL and StepFIL as well as their kids and ex-stepMIL (we tossed out FIL and kept her in the divorce haha) have all been really great and supportive.

DawnLilly

No. They have been asking me consistently since DS was 6 months old. Unfortunately they know we use the rythm method and have since just prior to getting married so they speculate constantly anyways. DH's family is very old school and the second they find out it will be "you can't paint, you can't workout, you can't pick up Henry..." So not only will we not be telling them we are TTC but we will wait as long as possible to tell them if we get pregnant too.

cheesecakerunner

We didn't tell anyone when we were TTC our first, but I've always been upfront about not being a one and done family. I'm sure they know it's part of our plan to have more, but they don't need to know the nitty gritty.

If it's been a long road, I can definitely see wanting that support.

CarolinaGirl83

I told my mom after 5 months. She knows we're having trouble. She told me a few weeks ago, that some people just aren't meant to be parents. WTF?

We told DH's mom at 10 months, but only because I had an emotional sobbing fit at DH's grandma's one night. I excused myself before I fell apart & she followed me to make sure I was ok. I love her.

All of our close friends have found out because we're honest when they ask.

Last week, DH's cousin, asked me to help her with her advanced psychology project. She's a photographer, so she was taking pics with her "subjects" holding a sign with their biggest fear written out. She knows our troubles, and has been there herself. So, my sign said "I'm afraid that I'll Never Become a Mother". As part of her project, she posted the album to Facebook (there were 20 of us with different fears). Best decision I have ever made! I had 9 people reach out to me with their infertility stories. I had no idea that most of then had any trouble.

We're approaching 2 years next week and it's helped me to talk about it. It's also answered "the big question" from my extended family.

The way we've handled this isn't for everyone. I just got tired of the questions.

courtyowl427

Planned on keepin it to ourselves, but it came out when I was drunk. Like all my so called secrets. Yeah, I'm that girl.

BillyHorrible

We don't tell anyone when we're TTC.  I don't usually discuss my sex life with my family, so I didn't feel the need to start.  And I really don't want to have to answer questions about whether I'm pregnant at every family gathering.  I already get that now from friends who don't know we're trying.

bosco213

My family knows because I'm very close with my mom & sister and share everything with them, although they don't pry for details.

We haven't told DHs family & we won't until I get a BFP.

wineandcake

We aren't telling family. It hasn't come up and I don't think anyone really expects us to have more. We have told a few friends - one couple we see almost daily and the other are our best friends who are expecting their first. It felt natural to tell them because we're all at similar life stages, our family would worry too much and I don't want that pressure.

Alyssa7012

We havent officially told anyone. My bff knows we have been thinking about it a lot, and knows im on pnv just in case. My mother says im not allowed to have babies til next year because my nieces are both a year old now and she wants to spoil the next one in its own way without other "same age" ones around.

Then again, my mother still tries to (pretends to at least) deny i have sex with dh. Haha, she doesnt want to think about us doing the dirtayyy

RaeLynn81012

I think my parents suspect but we haven't told them we were actively TTC. I told a couple of my friends and totally regret it! I was out with one of them the other weekend and was having a glass of wine and she says, "No luck, huh?" It took me by complete surprise! I think people that aren't trying but have it in their future plans think it will be so easy. I know I did!

splashmountain

I only told my sister.  She knew I was planning on stopping birth control when I ran out and that we would start TTC sometime after that.  I just told her over the weekend that we are officially TTC.  I know that she will keep it to herself and not blab to everyone.  I thought about telling my mom, but I know that she will tell people (but tell them not to repeat it to anyone) and soon everyone will know. 

frig05

My mom knows I went off the pill but doesn't know we are now TRYING TC. And no one else on either of our families know. My mom didn't respond well to me going off the pill. The joke DH and I have is that we might just wait to tell her anything until when I'm in labor.

KingLED

We never told anyone. After a few losses they figured it out I'm sure (family), but by then they had learned to stop asking questions. 

I think the fewer people that know the better.

cateyes543

I told a couple of friends right away, my family last month (month 8) and H told his this month.

Wine&Cupcakes

We hadn't planned to tell anyone, but when I realized I would need treatment for my metabolic disorder prior to TTC (I slowly process an amino acid - it can build up in a fetus and cause harm), I had to talk with my parents about my past medical history and treatment history since I stopped being treated when I was 5. That kind of gave it away.

Plus, I can only eat 50 grams/protein a day and must supplement with a protein formula that has the amino acid I can't process removed from it...and we now live with our IL's for a month so they know.

Other than that, two of my bffs started trying this June/July. One is already pregnant. Its been nice to have them to talk to, and I think it's been good fort pregnant friend to have someone to talk to before announcing, especially as I'm a nurse and she can bounce questions off of me.

Luckily, our parents aren't pushy. They don't bring it up at all.

MrsC0617

DH and I were married almost 8 yrs before we even started trying. Family hints have been ignored for a long time! I've hinted to my mom but never confirmed. My MIL has been telling people we're trying based on her nosy speculation (Ugh) but I haven't discussed it with her. Since its been taking us so long I'm so glad I haven't told anyone yet. No need for bitchery when we're upset enough.

JumpAroundBucky

We've never really had that discussion. "Oh hey we're having all the sex without any protection at all, mom, just thought you'd want to know!" We talk about "whenever we have a baby" or "whenever Wes gets a sibling", but there really hasn't been any announcement of our sex lives. 

BabyCowbell

We waited until after our RE consult to tell our parents, so about 14 months in. They're very supportive so far and only occasionally make annoying comments.

DaikokuJess

We still haven't told our families even after 16 months TTC. We just don't need all the conversations and questions. Now that we are well into our 30's, they've stopped asking.

divinemsbee

My mom, dad, grandmother, and BFF knew after each loss. It was mostly an open secret that we were going to start trying after our wedding but we didn't really talk about it. My mom was, to say the least, not supportive of our family planning plans for quite a while. She's mellowed a lot as I've gone through more and more health stuff and she's realized that this won't be easy.

I 'came out' during NIAW with a cover photo on Facebook but got really no comments about it. I'm pretty open about our losses with friends because it was just too much to keep to myself. H works in a place where there are a lot of people his age (he's 3.5 years younger than me, but by the time they hit 30 most women in his work or wives of guys he works with are done having kids and I'm just starting) and younger who are starting families, so we've alluded to the fact that something's up just so he doesn't have to deal with questions there.

My parents know kind of what our treatment plan is going to look like, my mom isn't wild about me restarting meds, but that's my choice. H's parents know a lightly sketched outline of what's going on but I leave that to him.