Kinda WMR: Crazy mom or?

jtmomma13

So I haven't said anything to ML but I am kinda annoyed. She is taking LO one day a week for the summer, which is totally awesome, I want LO to have the time with her but I am getting really irritated that she will bring LO places but not tell me about it. I get running out of the house to do a quick errand or what not but if you have plans to go visit a friend or you're going to drop him off at his aunts house while you grocery shop- I think I should be informed before hand. Is that totally ridiculous of me? I haven't said anything because I feel like I should just let it go but it really irks me. At the end of the day I just like to know where my child is. 

Anyone else have an issue like this? How did you handle? Do I need to let it go?

And just for the record, she isn't watching LO to help save us money. I am still paying daycare even though he isn't going. 

emberlee3

Yeah, I would be annoyed.  If she is taking LO to spend more time him, why the F is she dropping him off at someone else's house?  Can't she run errands on the 6 days/week that she isn't taking care of your kid?

I would probably make YH talk to her about it.

ErinO21

My mil is kind of like this but I knew going in because my LO is grandchild #5 that she has watched. She in no way let's lugging a baby and all their things around stop her from going out. And I don't want it too. I don't get mad or upset about her taking him places. I would however have a problem with her leaving him in someone else's care without me knowing. I would definitely say something about that part.

djm31012

i would not care about her taking LO to run errands or visit a friend..my SIL watches DS and does thsi all the time. I would, however, not be ok with her dropping him off anywhere,with other family or not. If its an emergency, fine. or if you need to do something that day and need alternative care arrangements, great Ill take care of it. But you cant just pawn my kid off on someone else without telling/asking me. If thats the case, just bring him to DC since u are paying for it anyway!

VOR

Yeah- running errands is one thing.  My parents are usually "out and about" when they have DS.  Whether it be going to the store, going to the park or bowling- I don't expect them to check in w/ me.

BUT, yeah, I'd be pissed if they were dropping him off somewhere else while they went to the store.  She has SIX other days to do that.  If she can't make spending time w/ LO a prioirty, I'd keep him in DC.

jtmomma13

Thanks everyone for the responses. I figured there is a middle ground. @catbenatar- free in the sense that I am not paying her but I am still paying my at home daycare provider. ML has the summers off and wanted to spend one day a day with him- which I was happy to oblige. I let her pick the day- 

The leaving him with her daughter and not telling me I think it what really irked me. She checks in throughout the day and sends me updates so it just bothers me that she wouldn't tell me! I got a text from SIL telling me about how great he was. I don't have any issue with SIL watching him for an hour or so but I think I should be in the know about it. And I have no problem with her going to visit friends I would never say no - I just want her to tell me that is her plan. 

If it happens again I think I'll have my Husband talk to her like you suggested @emberlee3

SunAndRain

I think it would be common courtesy for her to say, "BTW, I'm planning on taking LO to the zoo this morning." 

But for her to drop him at someone's house?  Either she is committed to baby sitting the one day per week or she isn't!

MickeyM04

I would have a HUGE problem with someone who is watching my child (family or not) then dropping him or her off at someone else's house to watch, even if it's my mom dropping him at my sister's, my MIL dropping him at my SIL's, whatever.  If you can't watch them, then don't.  Don't say you'll watch him and then drop him off for someone else to watch. 

I think I am in the minority based on other posts I have read on here in the past, but I have no problem with the errand running/activities out of the house part of this.  When we had a nanny, I would routinely get home and have her tell me they went to the zoo, they went to the children's museum, they went out to lunch, whatever.  I think in the day of cell phones and texts, stuff like that becomes less of a big deal.  It's not like when we were little and our parents had to tell the sitter what restaurant they were going to for dinner, in case of an emergency and the sitter needed to get in touch with them.  In my personal opinion, if I trust the nanny, grandparent, aunt, whoever to watch my child, they don't need to tell me they are going to the park, going to the grocery store, going to the library, whatever.  That being said, if it was a random babysitter as opposed to a nanny who's there full-time, or a family member, I would be pissed that the babysitter comes over on Friday night to babysit and then I find out they went to Chuck E Cheese or whatever.  But if your MIL has a carseat, is a safe driver, etc., then I don't see why she should need to check in and tell you that she's taking LO to the grocery store or the park or what have you. 

ebp913

In theory I don't really mind the running errands or even leaving a child with a trusted babysitter but it's odd that she does it on her one day with your LO.  I am really big on the emergency thing though. We live in tornado alley and if something crazy happens, I need to know where my child is.  Pretty much all the time.  

Maybride2

I guess I don't even get the running errands thing. If she were his full time care provider, I'd get it; but SHE asked YOU to have him one day a week to spend more time with him - unless it's an emergency errand, why the heck didn't she get her errands run beforehand? If she needs that day to run errands, then maybe she can pick him up for half a day. I guess I'd just be irked at thinking about my kid spending his day driving around running errands rather than playing with peers. I mean, which one sounds like more fun to you?

jtmomma13

@theresat858 yes! She does have a carseat- which we installed and I taught her how to put him in the seat correctly. So while I am not a huge fan of him driving with others- I at least know his seat is installed correctly and that she has a brand new seat that meets safety requirements. 

snicksnack

I agree with maybride it is not like she is doing you a faver. Maybe just casually say dont feel like you have to take him if you have errands he can go to daycare and you can pick him up etc. maybe she does not realize that is an option and thinks you only have him enrolled for four days

Pips09

You have the right to know where your baby is. I would not be OK with her taking him places without telling you. I would be PISSED if I found out she dropped him off for someone else to watch. If she doesn't want to watch him, he can go to daycare that day. Maybe you should make it one or two days a month, instead of every week.

DiveFrog

As others have said. I would be very upset about anyone who was supposed to be watching my child leaving them with someone else without telling me, unless it was an emergency type situation. ANd even then, then have my cell phone number and should use it. 

Now, getting out and about, running errands, taking the child places and taking her to meet their friends would not bother me at all. My parents watch DD full time for us,and they have taken her along to their Dr. Appointments, to the dealership to lease a new car. Doesn't bother us at all.

SunAndRain

Just a thought...maybe MIL feels like running errands is quality time with LO? That getting out and checking out different scenery, people, sounds, found in stores keeps LO occupied and stimulated (in a good way). Maybe she talks to him about what they are seeing in the stores which can be educational.

Who knows.  But the more I think about it, I might approach it with a neutral question to understand WHY she is doing what she is doing before going on the attack (not that you were doing that).  You can approach dropping the baby off the same way, i.e. to understand why she is doing it, even though I still think that is just messed up.