Do you have an Age cut off for having babies?

veetveet

I always said that after 35 I would not have any babies.  Here I am...I'll be 37 in October. 

I have daughter who is 3.5.  She arrive the day before my 33rd birthday. (best gift ever!)   We decided we were 1 and done. 

I accidentally got pregnant last August (I was 35 and on the pill).  After the initial shock I was very happy and thrilled to be a mom again.  Unfortunately 6.5 weeks ago at 27 weeks we had to terminate the pregnancy as my son had multiple congenital heart defects with a terminal prognosis (REALLY late diagnosis).   We are devastated. 

Now I feel like we are incomplete as a family.  I want to give the gift of companionship to my daughter because she was so excited to be a big sister.  And I want to expand our family for other reasons... but I am not ready for a pregnancy yet- mentally and physically.  But when I am ready:  Do I want to be approaching my 40's with a newborn?  Be 60 with a 20 year old? - Do I want to be on the cusp of retirement and have to deal with all of the shit that 20 year olds do?  etc... these are the things I keep asking myself.   

In your opinion- How old is too old?  

Jags8

I am so very sorry for your loss.

For me personally, I definitely want to be done by 35. But I don't think 40 is "too old" for other people, if that's what they choose.

blush64

I don't have an age cut off. Things happen and sometimes our plans have to change.

I would have been finished in my mid 20s since I had my first child young and thought I would be married forever. Instead I got divorced and choose not to date until my kids were older. I was remarried in 2012 and just had my third at 35 and I plan on one more at maybe 37 or 38. (My sons are 18 and almost 16.)

I thought long and hard about having kids again. It was odd at first since I did everything the first couple times young. To be honest I am loving it.

I look at my parents and they are almost 60. They are incredibly active and would not seem out of place with kids in their late teens or early 20s.

Pipes134

So sorry for your loss.  I don't have an age cutoff as much as a preference.  I would like to be done having kids by age 40, but life is complicated and things don't always go according to plan.  So if I were 41 and wanted a(nother) baby, I wouldn't stop myself from trying.  

LnR70707

I am very sorry for your loss.

My parents were 36 and 40 when I was born, 40/44 when my youngest sister arrived.  It is a personal decision and if we were still struggling to have our first my view might be different, but looking at my own parents I did not want to have children after 36.

veetveet

It's funny... as a kid I had all of these plans and nothing has gone to the plan. Life changes in an instant!

Sunshyine Brown

I told myself no kids after 32 cause I want to be able to run behind them and keep up with them but I'll be 32 this yr and it is taking alot longer then we thought to conceive. My only son will be 14 from a previous relationship and I have no kids with my husband. We will keep trying until it happens. My father was 44 when I came along and at 77 has more energy then all of us so it keeps us hopeful.

tlc35

I am so sorry for your loss.

My Mom and Dad had 2u2 at 41 and 44 and managed just fine. My mom even took dance classes with my little sister and kept up.  I don't have a cut off at all.  I am following in their footstep since I am 36 and my H is 45.

holliberry28

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I don't think 40 is too old at all to have another baby.  My parents were 35 and 37, and now that we will be trying to have a baby hopefully next month, my parents are near retirement and want to help with the childcare when I go back to work.  

At this point, a year or two doesn't make a difference, just take care of yourself and be the healthiest you can be for you and your family.  Wish you the best of luck!

MNgirl326

I just turned 33 a week ago and we are still trying for number 2.  We had no idea it would be this hard to get our 2nd considering it happened so quickly with our first.  With that said, we will probably give it 2 more years.

DH is 8 years older then me, so he just turned 41.  In two years he will be 43 and I will be 35.  I can't say for sure we would be done if at that point, but I have a feeling there are going to be some big conversations about where we are at that point of nothing has happened.

 

 

lifeonthehill

I have always wanted to be done by 28. My mom had both of us before she was 25. I am 22 now and will hopefully be TTC next year. If all goes smoothly we would easily be able to have two kids before I turn 28 but who knows how it will really end up working.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I don't think 40 is too old to have kids at all. Don't limit yourself in anyway.

BeckyP005

I am so very sorry for your loss. I just asked this on my home board few months ago. Never in my wildest dreams would I of thought I would be 46 (in May) trying for my first!! Would of been earlier but few things have gotten in the way with my cycle. I know people have them later than this but it does scare me Best of luck...

nopegoat

I am so sorry for your loss.

I think this is such a personal question. We started our family very unexpectedly and early so we want to be done by 30-35 so we can have some time just for us sooner rather than later.

I wish you the best of luck!

veetveet

Thanks everyone.

Before we try again I am waiting for the genetics report to make sure there are no underlying issues that could cause potential problems with future children. I cannot go through this again.

Wine&Cupcakes

Ideally, I would like to be no older than 55 when my last graduates high school. So that gives me 7 years to have 2-3 kids. Obviously this will change if there are issues.

I have seen so many great examples of parents older than 35 and 40 stay completely active and with it. I don't think age is so much a determinant of how well you will keep up with your children, but rather lifestyle and how active you stay.

DH and I are also awaiting DNA results to determine if he needs to be tested for my genetic disorder and I need to begin treatment for that disorder prior to TTC so I feel your pain on that front. So, so sorry for your loss.

Twinkie0612

It's definitely a personal decision.  Originally, when we first started TTC, I had planned on being done by the time I was 35.  I was 28 when we started TTC, so I thought that this was very acheivable.  Unfortunately we have been dealing with infertility.  I will turn 32 this year and we are still TTC our first, so I may need to adjust my timeline a bit, since I would prefer to get our first out of diapers before we have our second. 

I don't have a cutoff in mind anymore, but I imagine around 40 we would probably start that discussion.

mrssl3813

My preference would be 35 however things happy and I would be ok with 40.

NerdyLucy

I haven't really thought about a cut-off yet.  DH and I are just now on cycle 3 of TTC for our first baby and we're 30.  I don't know how easy/difficult this is going to be for us, so I can't think of cut-off ages yet.

smg2302

I'm so sorry for your loss.  The perspective I would like to offer is the child of older parents.

The Pros:
My parents were active in everything I did, sports, academics, etc.  I always felt supported.
Their appreciation of family and support systems was already developed, so I had a very close relationship with other family and friends.
Discipline was never because I said so, always thought out and with a purpose.

The Cons:
My dad's health (46 when I was born) deteriorated in my teen years.  At 14 I watched him have a stroke, 16 waited while he had open heart surgery, etc.  It's hard to be a caregiver that young.


Despite the health issues, I never once felt out of place, so to speak, for having older parents.  We have a fantastic relationship.

kcisthebombdotcom

35 is it for me so we have four years to decide whether we will have one more. This is based on me and risks I am uncomfortable taking--I don't judge others who choose a different path.

Dreamingmommy4

So sorry for your loss.

I personally would like to be done by 30, but that's only because I want my kids close together (I want 4). I'm not opposed to going past that if we run into issues trying to have more. I haven't ever really thought of a cutoff age. I guess we will have to discuss that if we don't finish having kids by my timeline.

Eta. Forgot some words

northernkhaleesi

So sorry for your loss.

I thought I was done at 28; two kids (one of each), marriage, house with picket fence ... then came the divorce. Now each of my children is essentially an only child (one lives with each of us), and I never wanted an only child, but ended up with two.

A few years ago a friend turned into more. We were married last summer and have just started TTC. My #3, his #1. I will be 39 in two weeks.

I have always felt that being a mom is what I do best, and would love to have one more turn. When I got divorced, friends would say that I'd meet someone and still be young enough to have a 'second' family. I used to laugh. Now I'm getting ready to do just that.

I think that a lot of PPs have it right: it's what YOU feel comfortable with, and that age is really just a number. 40 used to be "old" - now it's not seen that way at all. I've seen people at that age look and act older than they are, but I've also seen more young, active and healthy people at that age too.

Good luck. 

veetveet

Thanks everyone.... it is good to hear different perspectives.

Hoping to TTC later this year providing the genetics testing is clear. Although my son will never be replaced- I would really like to be a mom again.

Helenahhandbasket

I am late answering, but I am so sorry for your loss.  I can't even imagine.

I think as long as you feel emotionally ready, there's no reason to not try.  My mom got re- married when I was 12 and had my half brother at 42.  Her desire to have a child with her new husband outweighed any hesitation about being an older mom.  Is it ideal?  Probably not.  But life is messy.

I am 34 and almost positively OAD, but might consider another should my circumstances change.  At that point I would be most likely be over 35.

Good Luck to you.

mm529

My limited knowledge on the subject (I'm only 26) makes me feel like it's much easier to have healthy pregnancies in your 30s or 40s (compare to 10 or 20 years ago). Hoping you get the results you want on the genetics testing!

Edit for clarity. My brain is faster than my fingers.

Everyusernameistaken

I think it depends on you. Me, personally, if all goes to plan this baby will be born just before my 31st birthday and I've said a few times I can't imagine doing it any later in life....pregnancy and having a newborn are freaking exhausting and I find I have less and less energy every year. If you have the stamina though, go for it!

Ps, so sorry for your loss.

bugandbibs

I'm very sorry for the loss of your son. For me, 40 is the cutoff age. I don't want to deal with college and retirement at the same time. The reality of paying for a fourth child is daunting and not likely to happen.

LucilleAustero

Sorry for your loss.

I am 36 and pregnant with #2, I will be 37 two months after the baby is born. I was 33 for #1. I said that 37 was my cutoff for getting pregnant. For #2, we knew that we would try until I turned 37 and if it didn't happen by then, we would be OAD. I don't have the easiest pregnancies and I didn't relish the idea of being pregnant in my later 30s.

dmndsr4eva

Same here as a lot of others.  Life didn't turn out how I planned.  I had my first at 31 and ended up getting divorced (not by choice).  I am now planning to get remarried and probably will think about having another child at age 36 or 37. 

ImJessesGirl

I always said I'd have two kids by the time I was 27. I had my DD when I was 23. I got divorced at 27.... Here I am at 32 years old TTC for #2. If I don't have a baby by the time I'm 35, I will not be having any more kids.

I truly enjoy being a younger mom. Now I will get to experience what it's like to be a "regular" age mom, lol. To each his own, I guess.

KJKNAJ

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son, I can't imagine how hard that must've been.

I'm going to add to the conversation that I had an age cut off for when to START having babies not stop, ha. I wanted my twenties to myself and no kids until 30. I also wanted at least 5yrs of a strong solid marriage before we added a child. I had my 1st at 30, my 2nd at 33. I had been TTC#3 for a year when I got pg last year but then I lost that pregnancy in January. At this rate I will likely be 38 for a third but I'm ok with that. I don't have a cut off at all, playing that by ear.

TripMomma

Pregnant no later than 35, birth no later than 36. I had older parents and did not appreciate it.

shaina925

My Mom had me at 32 and my youngest brother at 42.  He is now almost 21 and doing amazing.  I think now women are having babies later and that is ok!

marybeth05

I've always thought I would be done by 35 just to avoid the "high risk" category my Dr. would put me in.

We have a 7 year old and a 2.5 year old and are trying for #3.  It is taking longer to get pregnant this time and we had a miscarriage in September.  I'm 99% sure we will be done after #3...hopefully that will happen before I'm 35... I'm 32 now.

I wouldn't have an issue being an older parent- My mom was 41 and my dad 52 when I was born.  I was the youngest of 5 and my oldest sibling was 16 when I was born.

It had its advantages- my dad retired when I was in 2nd grade and was like super dad! He was at every school event and pretty involved.  That being said he passed away when I was 26.

sophie206

So sorry for your loss :-(

I don't have a strict cut-off, but I hope to be done having babies by 35. I have pcos so that adds some difficulty for me getting and staying pregnant, so if it takes longer to complete our family, so be it.

atmaloney

I had a date that I was going to START trying to have babies..which was around 26. Now I'll have my first before my 23rd birthday. If we do decide to have more, I will be stopping at about 28. 

paintedtulips

Our cut off is 30. We both want to be young parents, who will be young when our children leave the house. We are TTC our first, and hope to have two children very close in age. Then if we decide to have a third, it will be again shortly after. Then snip-snip and we will be good!

katie0919

I am so very sorry for your loss, I cannot even imagine.

When I was in my 20s, I was SURE I would be married and have kids by 30. Lo and behold, the universe laughed at my assumption, and I did not meet my DH until 27, and we got married at 30. I got pregnant at 31 and gave birth 4 months after my 32nd birthday. Here I am, almost 35 and 5 months into trying for baby #2, and I have hopes of possibly having a third. 

My parents had me "older" (I use that loosely because now I don't feel like 37 & 38 were old to have me) and I never wanted to be the older parent, because my parents are so old now. In fact, my dad has already passed away. BUT, he took terrible care of himself and smoked 2-3 packs a day for 50 years, so you know....that had something to do with it. My mom is 71 and (knock on wood), energetic, healthy and still even works as a 5th grade teacher full time. So, lost story short, I just feel like things are different now. To each their own, I say! My boss just had her 3rd baby at 43 and she is fit, healthy and has more energy than me, I swear.

JillJiggs

First, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. 

I ran across this thread a couple days ago but was too new a member to be able to reply, so forgive the late comment. 

I just wanted to tell you that my mom had me at 40. I'm now 27, so she is 67. And she has been the greatest mother to me; she is one of my best friends. She has more energy than I do most days, and I think having a later baby has helped keep her young at heart. When your heart feels ready, I'm sure you will be an excellent mother to your next little one. 

bluebird1109

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

I don't believe there is "too old" that is universal for everyone. Each person has their own lifestyle, expectations, and timeline for doing things in life. You have to think about what works for you.

As for the rest of your question, I want to be done by 30. We plan on 3 children. We will TTC again next summer. Then taking 18 months off before TTC for the third. At that point DH will get a vasectomy and I will have the Essure rather than getting my tubes tied. I would rather both of us have permanent measures taken then just one so we have less chance of a "surprise."

PunkyBooster

I'm sorry for your loss.
It's 39 or 40 for me. I'm a healthy weight, I work out, eat well. Had a great pregnancy with ds. I'm not concerned at all.