Why Amazon has the best customer service ever.

yesthisiskim0401

A few thing I have ordered have been marked as delivered on Friday and Saturday but I actually didn't get them. I decided to call Amazon to figure out what my next step is and both kids teamed up to embarrass the shit out of me. 

Let me set the scene: A2 hasn't pooped in close to three days and is a ravenous beast lately (growth spurt? who the fuck knows) so she's on the boob. A1 is running around the house shouting "I FLY LIKE A CHICKEN WITH THE FACE OF A MONKEY!" (I'm pretty sure only @quartermisses will understand that sentence). 

So I'm whisper-shouting at A1 to shut up because I am on the phone, and of course the rep picks up as soon as I say "for the love of Mary, Jesus, and Joseph, be quiet!". Lovely. After profusely apologizing she chuckles and assures me it's ok. 

About 5 minutes into the call she starts looking up my items to re-order so the line is very, very silent. A2 decides that right then and there was the perfect opportunity to work on crapping her brains out. And I'm like:

Girlfriend is farting like a man and doing all sorts of grunts and the CS rep says "Uhhh... m'am?" and I was mortified! 

I start just rambling and it was all mumble jumble word vomit - "Oh, Oh God, you heard that? I am so... wait, no, it's not what you think. I am not pooping. I mean, I am not in the bathroom. Oh God. I am feeding my baby and, oh this is so embarrassing - she's the one you hear. She's so constipated and - oh, you don't need to hear this." I COULDN'T SHUT UP. 

The rep, again, reassured me that she understood and not to worry about it. I wanted to just die. A1 also walked into the room and said "It STINKS in here!", but at that point I have already hit rock bottom. She was able to one-day me my missing items and bid me farewell. When I told DH about this call he reminded me how they record almost every call to use it for training purposes. Dear 9lb 8oz baby Jesus, please do not use me as your guinea pig for future Amazon training. Because I'm sure people will be think I'm like:

EmJ&B

Lolzzzzz

Love. Yay to the girls and thanks for the entertaining recap.

#hatetotellyoubutwheniworkedforsprintthiswasexactlythekindofcalltheyplayedintraining

mweav1025

There is an amazon customer service call center here in Grand Forks.  Wonder if you were connected to the one in my town!  Kind of makes me wish I had a job there so I could have taken your call.

jennlin

Uh huh, sure.

#blameitonthebaby

Amjoy25

Brava on only using Frozen gifs. Awesome! Oh, and CV style lollllzzz.

juliemay623

This was one of the best threads ever posted to TB! Thank you for giving me a good laugh while my child continues to not STTN during the 4mw. Sorry for your embarrassment, but I loved all the Frozen gifs!

shelley1002

Thanks for the laugh. I needed it after dealing with a puking toddler for the last 5 hours.

hlb622

That was a fantastic story. Love it.

carawasa

omg awesome. but think about how awkward it would have been if you didn't say ANYTHING and just let her use her imagination. bahaha

mrambo3

love this!

yesthisiskim0401

quartermisses said:

This is so fantastic, I will forgive you the use of all MY Frozen gifs  

(You know, 'cause I have the corner on those ;-) ). 

And DD1 does the same type of crap. I was on the phone with JCPenny today cancelling an order (jerks sold me a birthday present for a soon-to-be 3-year-old and then sent me an email telling me it was back-ordered for at least a month! I need that ish in 3 weeks) and she's "whispering" "what is that terrible smell?" *giggle* "I tooted." However, I don't think the lady heard her. 

#youFrozenhooker

bkeane619

Lmao!!!!

asilwhite

That's classic!!

LOL at A2 sharting and you trying to explain it away. 

I want to be a fly on the wall when they use that call for training. 

kimbo1216

Love amazon. I email if I have a problem though. I usually here back with my issue solved within an hour. They are pretty fast.

BMnatz11

Hilarious, and thanks for reminding me I need to call Amazon tomorrow. Our subscribe and save order of diapers should have been here by the 4th and the tracking shows nothing since Feb 28! Now I'm just hoping I don't have a similar story to tell with DS and DD!!