DH says I may have to go back to work....HELP!!!

Somethingclever25 · January 2009

Ok, so our situation.....DH makes really good money. He works on commission. and i have been home with DD since she was born. I had started going back to school to finish my degree when she was 7 months when she was diagnosed with cancer. I quit school and have been home with her ever since. (she is currently cancer free by the way:) ) So it wasnt like we planned for me to be a SAHM but I am now and I love it. ok so now i am pregnant and due in april and DH is going to change jobs around the same time baby is born. He will most likely take a massive massive paycut for about 2 years. until his commission picks up. besides being terrified about the economy and switching jobs now he thinks i will need to get a job to.

Not that I am not all for going to work and helping the family if need be but how do i word things to help him realize that between daycare for 2 kids and my income and all the expense that comes with that it will not be worth it for me to get a job. without it sounding like i am lazy and i just want to stay home...which is how he will see it. I should add that i have no degree...so any job i get is gonna pay what 10 bucks max and daycare for 2 kids?? ha i wouldnt even be making a paycheck.

Oh I am going to cry just thinking about it. I cant leave my kids....I have to be with them. I never thought I was going to be this way, but I need to be home. help.

ithadtobeyou · January 2009

((hugs)) Can you work up the numbers for him and then sit down and calmly explain to him just like you did to us, but in his language?

I mean, show him on paper, "honey, I'll be bringing home x amount of money, and daycare is going to cost x, and the new wardrobe I will need will cost approximately x, plus gas will cost x, plus the cost of taking the kids to the doctor will go up, because they will be getting sick from the other kids".

I would just show him the numbers. If you do that, surely he will be forced to realize it truly would not be in your financial best interest. If that doesn't work, then I would just tell him how much you truly want to be with your babies, and this time is not going to come back. It's the most important time in their lives (the first 5 yrs) for forming their little self-esteems, and you want to be there with them. Tell him how important this is to you. More important than anything ever, in the world.

Acknowledge his fears. Tell him you get why he is so worried, but that you will do your best to keep expenses as low as possible during the harder times, and that you will be the best wife and mama you possibly can be.

In my case, we are going through this too..my hubs just started back to school for his Masters, and we don't have the money we used to. So my compromise was to take a medical transcription class so I can work from home. I am almost done with it. This might actually be a good thing for you too, you don't have to have a degree, and it pays about $15.hr on average.. BUT it has taken me several months to do the class. Luckily, my DH has been patient because I had the heart to heart with him, very similar to my suggestions for you. Hope this helps, and good luck. Stay calm, you can work this out.

MrsL1022 · January 2009

Hugs to you! That is wonderful news that your daughter is cancer free too :-) Don't worry about the work thing do the research, interview for jobs and price out daycare for 2 kids. Your dh will soon see that there will be no benefit to you going back to work b/c after dc you won't have much or any money left over. Show your dh that you are willing to do what the family needs but that it won't make sense when all is said and done. My other thought is that maybe 3-4 months after the baby is born you could find and evening job a few nights a week to help alleviate the $$ situation but still be with your kids during the day? Maybe look for jobs at a gym daycare or something where your kids could go with you? Maybe you could have your cake and eat it too, it won't be easy but it would help if $ is going to be tight for 2 years. GL, I hope you find something that works for your family.

EnglishMajor03 · January 2009

What about taking on PT work after he gets home a couple nights a week? That way you won't worry about daycare and you can still have some extra cash coming in. Also, are there other kids/babies close to you that you could watch during the day? Instead of going FT right away, PT or a job you can do from home might be a better option for everyone. Good luck.

G_Hoping · January 2009

Unless you work at a daycare, so you can get a discount you won't make any money. I work part time now..make a lot more than $10 an hour..and I barely bring home much it seems, its not really worth the money..but its worth it to stay in my field for me.

Daycare for 2 toddlers is $262 a week...and we are on the low end of costs LCOL area.

My DH switched jobs around the time I had DS2. Either your DH can switch jobs safely...if not..then he should not be switching and should stay at his current job.

Delta24 · January 2009

Ditto pps. After we had dd#2 it stopped making financial sense for me to work. I kept working until she was 8 months; my last day at work was Friday. To give you an idea, it cost $218 a week for the baby and then they raised tuition $10 in January. It was $176 a week for the 5 year old over the summer. She is in kindergarten now but I still have to pay for after school care. My dh and I would always have to stress about who could call off when one of the kids were sick not to mention snow days now too. He is thrilled knowing his vacation can be used for what he/we want and when. The house was never clean when I worked and dinner was always a hassle. Definitely give him facts...I get the sense he is a facts person. It's agreed I will work in the evenings if money becomes an issue. BTW, why is he leaving his job...is the new one have greater earnings potential eventually?

citygirl_ · January 2009

Lay everything out for him... show him what daycare would cost and what you would get paid - that is if you can actually get a job in this economy! Can you think about maybe watching a kid at home after your new baby is born? Are there any expenses you can cut back on? Are you willing to make sacrifices and live without much extra money? Tell your husband how important it is for you to SAH - maybe he'll see your side. Best of luck and glad to hear your DD is cancer-free!

JLSBWG · January 2009

I would definately do the research, apply for jobs and let the numbers speak for themselves. If you don't, then he will definately think that you just don't want to work. Good luck!

gentrylove13 · January 2009

I know excatly how you feel. I got married at 19, with one semester of college under my belt. Needless to say, I didnt go back, and worked at a grocery store for 2 years. When DH got a new job and we moved, I was 4 months preggers. No one would hire me. Dh said that was fine, but even though we both wanted me to stay home, we wouldnt be able to afford it, so after the baby was born I would have to go to work. So I began to budget, and research, and learned that on the "average" paycheck here in my town, we would LOSE money every month in order to pay for day care. My husband is a visual man, and needs facts and numbers so I put togeather a chart, showing what we are making now, and where we are spending it, and what we have left over every month. And a second chart to show what we would be making if both working, and where we were going to be spending, and what would be left over every month. DH has saw immediatly that it made no sence for me to work. And although we will live pay check to pay check, we CAN make it work, and are going to. Good Luck!

Somethingclever25 · January 2009

thanks ladies for all the advice. I think sitting down with numbers crunched is what will work best for him.

as for why he is switching jobs....well he hates his job and although the pay was great it wont be soon. They cut commission in half at the begining of the year, so no matter what we are taking a paycut by half. and with the new job there is no cap at commission and how much he could make it just takes time to get established. It is in no way an ideal time to be job switching when you already have a great paying job, but this opportunity came along and he wasnt even looking for it. so its hard to pass up. plus now he works all day nights and weekends and with new job it will be an actually 9-5 type with some nights and no weekends.

I did talk to him a little last night and found out we have enough saved up to cover our house payments for a year, so that is at least a good feeling. as far as cutting back on things that would be all him. I am kinda lame I dont spend the money. I dont shop and DD and I stick to the house. He is the one with all the extra activities. golf....talk about a pocket drainer!

thanks for all the input.

mandymack · January 2009

ithadtobeyou:
((hugs)) Can you work up the numbers for him and then sit down and calmly explain to him just like you did to us, but in his language?

I mean, show him on paper, "honey, I'll be bringing home x amount of money, and daycare is going to cost x, and the new wardrobe I will need will cost approximately x, plus gas will cost x, plus the cost of taking the kids to the doctor will go up, because they will be getting sick from the other kids".

I would just show him the numbers. If you do that, surely he will be forced to realize it truly would not be in your financial best interest. If that doesn't work, then I would just tell him how much you truly want to be with your babies, and this time is not going to come back. It's the most important time in their lives (the first 5 yrs) for forming their little self-esteems, and you want to be there with them. Tell him how important this is to you. More important than anything ever, in the world.

Acknowledge his fears. Tell him you get why he is so worried, but that you will do your best to keep expenses as low as possible during the harder times, and that you will be the best wife and mama you possibly can be.

In my case, we are going through this too..my hubs just started back to school for his Masters, and we don't have the money we used to. So my compromise was to take a medical transcription class so I can work from home. I am almost done with it. This might actually be a good thing for you too, you don't have to have a degree, and it pays about $15.hr on average.. BUT it has taken me several months to do the class. Luckily, my DH has been patient because I had the heart to heart with him, very similar to my suggestions for you. Hope this helps, and good luck. Stay calm, you can work this out.

I agree and couldn't have said it better myself... stay calm (I know it's hard!) and continue to keep the lines of communication open with your DH! And big congrats are in order for your Emergency Fund Savings - having your house payments taken care of for a year is not small feat! Could you continue to work hard now, before baby arrives, cutting back and really pinching pennies as much as possible so you can save even more? Maybe post your budget on the Money Matters board and let them give you some feedback about how to cut some things down a bit, those ladies are really knowledgeable!

You could always work evenings, after he gets home, somewhere like a Children's Clothes Store (great discounts, up to 40%!!!) and could even work weekends if need be.

What about keeping another child in your home?

Very best of luck and I hope this works out so that you can SAH!

WheelerToBe · January 2009

I agree with poster about working when he gets home. I worked nights and my dh worked 1st for 2 years when I had my son. Now that I have 2 kids I work nights on the weekends and babysit 5 kids in my home during the week and make more money now than I have ever made in my life working a job.

Cyndea · January 2009

Praise that your daughter is cancer free!!

I totally understand your feelings about going back to work. I felt the same way after I had my little one (7 months old)! I did NOT want to leave him and go back. So, my husband and I brainstormed some ideas of what I could do to be able to stay at home AND earn an income. I found out that there are a TON of scams out there! I didn't want to become part of a scam (obviously ) so I was really skeptical about anything that I found. I did end up finding something though. It's great and it has enabled me to stay at home with my baby as I supplement my husband's income! If you want to know more, check out my website : https://www.workathomeunited.com/cyndea.... and if you click to find out more info., put in your info. and I will personally contact you....not some random person! You can make sure that you hear from me, Cyndea and not someone else. I hope you find something to do and it all works out for you.....I feel your pain. Please contact me if you want to find out so that maybe you too can stay at home with your daughter and one on the way

Cyndea

https://www.workathomeunited.com/cyndea

jenny1980 · January 2009

*Heather~:

thanks ladies for all the advice. I think sitting down with numbers crunched is what will work best for him.

as for why he is switching jobs....well he hates his job and although the pay was great it wont be soon. They cut commission in half at the begining of the year, so no matter what we are taking a paycut by half. and with the new job there is no cap at commission and how much he could make it just takes time to get established. It is in no way an ideal time to be job switching when you already have a great paying job, but this opportunity came along and he wasnt even looking for it. so its hard to pass up. plus now he works all day nights and weekends and with new job it will be an actually 9-5 type with some nights and no weekends.

I did talk to him a little last night and found out we have enough saved up to cover our house payments for a year, so that is at least a good feeling. as far as cutting back on things that would be all him. I am kinda lame I dont spend the money. I dont shop and DD and I stick to the house. He is the one with all the extra activities. golf....talk about a pocket drainer!

thanks for all the input.

I'm concerned that you don't seem to be an active partner in managing your finances. You should have every bit of knowledge about your savings as your husband and every bit as much say in household goals and spending.

littleJen · January 2009

Sounds like maybe your DH needs to cut back on his activities??

I'm a sahm with 2 little ones. Things are very very hard for us right now and we are proly in a worse situation than yours, but I wont go into details. But if I went back to work, I would be paying for daycare, and wouldnt have any take home pay. Just wouldn't be worth it. I'm trying to find an evening/night job, but its almost impossible finding something around here.

GL to you!

BlessedMommy723 · January 2009

Maybe the easiest way for him to see it in black and white would be to tour a daycare in your area and have a talk with the director. They will be able to tell you what you'll be spending a month for two kids... and it's not cheap for infants.

Also, take a look at what jobs are available in your area that you qualify for and get an idea what the pay would be like. Then you can show him about what you would be making per month.

Maybe this will help him see that pretty much everything you make at your job will be going to pay the daycare center and the rest will be going to gas to drop your kids off, get to work, pick them up, and get home every day!

I know it seems like a lot of work... but I think this way, the numbers should speak for themselves without you having to seem like you're being lazy and just avoiding going to work.

HTH! Good luck with everything and I hope that it works out for you so that you're able to stay home with your babies.

sdc81 · January 2009

First, I have been there... my H told me about 18 months ago I would need to go back to work. He makes a great salaried living, but we're one of those 'smart' couples whose debt hit them really hard in mid-2007. At the time I had officially been out of work for 11 months, and we hadn't realized how much we depended on my PT income until then.

I found a way to work while still having my son with me, of course it all depends on what you are willing (notice I said willing, not 'want') to do. I never in a million years thought I would be cleaning lady, but I do it twice a month for my parents, since my dad is retired yet stuck in the era when men don't clean. I look at it this way- I can do it whenever I want, my son comes with me, and it only takes just under 3 hours each time- so we're talking 75 dollars for less than 3 hours each day I 'work'. I happen to be a neat-freak anyway, so the cleaning actually relaxes me (yes, I am strange), and my son gets to play with my dad during that time, and I know I am helping my mom out.

Cleaning doesn't have to be your thing, but I am sure you can find soemthign to do from home. There are a ton of sales positions that people are doing from home now if you have even just a coupel years' experience. Hospitals and always looking for people on weekends and dinner hour to answer phones and do some light secretarial work- and this way your kids could be with your H and you wouldn't feel as guilty about them being cared for by someone other than a parent. Or, maybe you can look in to bringing a child or two in to your home as an in-home daycare provider, and this doesn't mean you won't have a life necessarily- you can set certain holidays off, you can set pick up and drop off times, you can decide whether to foot the grocery shopping or have their lunches provided. If I had the chance to bring another child in I would, even if just PT, each week because I am at home anyway, already doing projects with my son and planning my days around him.

Good luck!

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DH says I may have to go back to work....HELP!!!

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