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Parenting
stacynikki
member
Liam is 5!
Facebook, ex's, and DH
stacynikki
member
in Parenting
My ex asked to friend me a couple of months ago which I accepted. We never wrote anything to each other as I'm sure it was just a "let me see what you've been up to and you can see what I've been up to" thing. I never mentioned it to DH and after looking at his page once I never really even thought about him again.
Well last night I was on facebook while DH was at a game. I guess the ex noticed I was on and he IM'd me. We chatted for a few minutes basically him saying he's so very happy that I look so happy and what we've been up to thing. Totally innocent, no flirting, and in fact the whole time I was thinking how lucky I was that I married DH. DH came home so I ended the chat. I didn't mention it to DH because it's such a nonevent but I feel a little guilty for some reason. I don't expect to ever really talk to this guy again but should I mention it to DH? I don't want him to about it or think I'm talking to the ex every time I'm on facebook so part of me doesn't want to even bother.
Liam is 5!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Facebook, ex's, and DH
I don't have any advice for you.
I have a rule for myself on FB that I won't friend or accept a friend request from anyone I had sex with. keeps it simple, kwim?
it's funny, i would probably feel somewhat inexplicably guilty like you do, but whenever this happens and i mention it to DH he doesn't care at all - he completely trusts me and the thought doesn't cross his mind to care. i told him about some psycho soon-to-be-ex-wife of a colleague with whom i was (platonically) friendly because she was threatening to call my house and inform my DH that i was having an affair with said colleague. DH looked completely confused and just said "oh, this is that woman you mentioned abusing drugs right? she is probably too drugged out to remember to call me!" and elaborated that he recalled the colleague lived across the country and wasn't terribly worried. DH is so great at not overreacting.
anyhow, if it makes you feel better i would mention it in a casual way. "hey, guess who wrote me on facebook the other day. dave, that guy i used to date" but i definitely dont think it warrants a confession. maybe i'll get flamed but i don't feel like every omission equals some freudian dishonesty. sometimes a conversation may just be uncomfortable for no good reason at all and not worth upsetting your DH. if all was on the up-and-up then no big deal. you're aware enough that you know if you start having long chats with the ex every time you're online that it's a problem. until and unless that happens i say your DH doesn't have to know unless you care to mention it.
I guess if it is innocent you have nothing to hide and should tell him, right? Would you want to know if the situation was reversed? I would just say..." hey guess who IM'ed me the other night while I was on facebook". If he really has a problem with it, then you could de-friend him.
I think one of my ex's and I have avoided the FB friendship for this reason. In real life I know we would have no problems chatting it up and it's probably best just to leave it there...to avoid any weirdness or awkwardness with our spouses.