The pregnancy announcement I have been petrified of happened.

smilee · January 2009

I am going to say this whole post makes me a terrible person, but It is how I feel.

Some of you may remember me talking about my SIL who ALWAYS makes comments whenever we see them about how they will be pregnant soon, blah, blah, blah, . ?She is so over the top, that others have noticed her insensitivity. ?

Well, she was ridiculous with her comments when we got together with my family for Christmas. ?To the point where my other brother was going to say something to her. ?( everyone is well aware of what we have been through)

Well, now I know why she was particularly smug. ?Yup, they are pregnant. ?And were pregnant when we saw them at Christmas.?

So, they are due in August. ?They are exactly as pregnant as I would have been if my FET worked. ?

Oh, by the way, they were just married in August. ?We have been TTC longer than they have even known each other.

I feel like and awful person, this is my future niece or nephew and it is my brother. ?But I am so angry and pissed. ?Part of it is due to how awful my SIL can be, but if I am going to be honest, I am just so upset that it has happened for them and not for us.?

kimarino13 · January 2009

Ugh. I am so sorry. What a punch in the gut.

Here's hoping your great news is just a short month away. Yes

epphd · January 2009

You're not a terrible person at all. If you don't particularly care for your SIL and if she is knowlingly acting like an a.ss, it's not unreasonable to feel resentful and frustrated. I wouldn't recommend acting like a jerk toward, but I know that's not your plan. Vent away ALL you want! You are not required to be her cheerleader - apparently she's a good enough cheerleader for herself!

IloveJAV · January 2009

Ugh! I know how tough that can be..I have two best friends that are PG right now, and they were both oppsies. They have no way of relating to what I go through, its so frustrating to watch everything happen for everyone else right in front of your eyes. You have every right to feel the way you do!

jmkatz · January 2009

First of all, huge hugs! You are not at all a terrible person for feeling this way - I imagine every person who posts on this board can understand to some extent. I, too, have a semi-awful SIL and I know I would be devastated if they got pg before we do.

The fact that your whole family knows about your struggles and she continues to talk about it proves how insensitive she is. Kudos to you for being the bigger person and not throat-punching her. I really hope IVF numero dos is it for you!

m&m2006 · January 2009

this doesn't make you a bad person at all...it makes you human. aside from that, your SIL sounds icky!! you'll be pg this spring...i can feel it!

firsttogo · January 2009

You are not a terrible person. We have a friend who is they same way. She even once suggested I let her "try my clomid" to see if she would get twins as she is so fertile and can plan her pregnancies. I want to dunk her face in the toilet whenever I talk to her about being pregnant. You are feeling how you feel, there is nothing wrong with that. IF is a traumatic life event, which unfortunately, you never truly recover from until you feel that you have completed your family. Hang in there, and be sad/mad if you need to.

smilelari · January 2009

Damn. That sucks

militarywife2b · January 2009

I don't blame you for being a bit upset, sounds like your SIL is a true winner. Praying that you are blessed with a BFP soon and maybe ask your brother if he can talk to your SIL about toning it down a bit

lnle · January 2009

well that is just crappy. I'm sorry you had to deal with all that. Here's hoping she has the most painful labor ever. Devil

katerena · January 2009

I'm sorry, that really stings

smeyer · January 2009

You're not a terrible person. ?It's OK to feel jealous, especially since she's been kind of an ass about TTC while knowing of your struggles. ?((hugs))

LadyRed7 · January 2009

first of all, don't think you are horrible, you are not at all. This is the one place where you can say what is on your mind and not be judged.

It is definately a punch in the gut, but you will get yours and you can give it right back!

My SIL who i don't care for either is expecting, her due date is my birthday (good times) and she is in a shotty relationship without a pot to pisse in, and it aggravates me to no end. So i can totally relate and vent anytime you need to. ;-)?

mrspresley · January 2009

don't feel guilty about feeling that way towards her. i don't understand how people can be so mean/insensitive like that. i mean - it's not like they had no idea what you are going through - she knew and chose to be insensitive anyway. just b/c you dislike her doesn't mean you won't love your little niece/nephew

vent all you want here - we understand.

jcombs · January 2009

I've got a similar situation and I'm waiting for that announcement too. It will throw me into a tizzy and I know I'll feel the same way. Its hard not to do so. Its OK and you just vent all you want! Big hugs your way!!!

Stace26 · January 2009

That's perfectly ok to feel that way. Every time anyone I know announces they are pg it's like a knife in the heart. I couldn't imagine if someone I knew being like your SIL, and deliberately throwing it my face and being so insensitive about it. Maybe you could have a little talk with your brother if you haven't already and ask him to discuss with his wife being more sensitive to you and your feelings.

Tryingtogetpregnant · January 2009

OH NO SMILEE!!! I definitely remember this SIL and your Christmas incident!!! I am so sad that she was able to beat you to the punch on a pregnancy announcement. It is just so painful. And, it is even worse that you would have been due in Aug. with your FET.

Ugh. I just hurt for you right now. I had my most petrified announcement come in Oct, and it still hurts.

The only thing I can think for you is that you're going to have TWO babies and yours will obviously be cuter.

USArmyWifeToBe · January 2009

So sorry! I too have the same feelings towards my SIL who is pregnant. Not that I am in no way not happy to be an aunt, its the fact that I am in no way in my right mind to celebrate with her...I just don't have it in me.

Soontobehitched07 · January 2009

I am so sorry! You every right to feel how you feel.I remember your post about how awful she was during Christmas...she's horrible. My sister and SIL throw their newborn babies in my face all the time and they know our IF issues in spite if the fact that my SIL had to see an RE to get pregnant as well. Here's to us all getting our BFP's soon!!!!!!!!

WhiteysWifey · January 2009

It's completely ok....while my BIL and his wife are sympathetic...we found out at Christmas that she was 8 weeks pregnant. She got pregnant the first try, and she has PCOS....here' we've been trying for 3 years. It was hard, but It does get easier. Hopefully your SIL will lay off with the bragging.

USArmyWifeToBe · January 2009

Not saying WhiteysWifey is wrong but it never went away for me. My SIL is due in March and it has actually gotten harder. Realizing more and more the due date is coming up and realizing we will have next christmas with a new baby around which is the first grandchild in the family and due to husband deploying unless we get pregnant before the end of the month we won't have a baby That makes me kinda sad, so it tends for me to get worse as time goes on.

MerryMarisa · January 2009

Oh Kelly, I can relate. My cousin smugly announced to her BFP to me as well and I was dreading it too. Your feelings don't make you an awful person - you're human and you're hurting. I'm sorry, honey and I hope this cycle brings your BFP. ((( BIG HUGS )))

Marisa

lablori · January 2009

I'm very sorry that you have to deal with all that. Luckily most of my siblings have already "procreated" and are finished so I don't have to deal with that. I have the same feeling though when I hear of friends just married who have gotten pregnant and had their baby all while we've just been trying! I feel terrible for not being happier for them! Hugs to you!

harley12 · January 2009

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Your time is coming soon enough. I would just avoid her as often as I could. That is what I do with my pregnant SIL. Nothing against her, but she is also exactly pregnant as I would have been with my FET. I have to gear up when I see them to be as fake and cheerful as possible. IF just plain sucks.

chickibaby · January 2009

I too have a horrible, no good, psychotic SIL. If she gets PG before me, it will all be over. We will never hear the end of it.

I also have a BF that can literally get pregnant whenever she feels like it. She called me right before NYE to tell me she is 4 weeks PG. Then asks me why I don't go on meds for IF. Um...been there done that.

I am sorry and that sucks.

Danielvalentine · January 2009

I remember your post back during the holidays..No wonder she was just so sure she was going to get pregnant, b/c she ALREADY was. Ugh she sounds like a terrible person, honestly so I would try to avoid her as much as possible and hopefully you will feel better, and of course a BFP right now would totally help those feelings.Oh, and you are not terrible, your feelings are what most would feel if they were in your shoes.

chrissgrl · January 2009

You're not a bad person. It's ok to be sad for yourself even when something good happens for someone else. We've been trying for a couple of years, 2 m/c, fertility treatments, etc. My BIL and SIL have 2 kids already, one born a week after our wedding, one born the day before my birthday-and yes, no one asked us about our honeymoon and no one remembers my birthday anymore, but that's irrelevant. What is harder for me to handle is that they are expecting their third child right now. My SIL and I had the same due date except that I miscarried. I feel angry, guilty, sad and jealous everytime I see her. I think it's ok to feel whatever you're feeling, especially if your SIL is as cruel as she sounds.

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