Daycare-is it me? (long)

ToBeLee · January 2009

Hi, my son just turned 7 mos old. There was a situation that happened at his daycare the other day that I was SO upset about. I wonder if I overreacted or what. It's really bothering me and I thought I could see what others on this site thought. I have been conflicted about his daycare since he started 3 months ago. I began to feel good about it and then this occured. I looked at so many in my area and determined that this one was the best of what is available. That said, here's what occured:

I went to the daycare and they said he was napping. I was thrilled b/c he never naps there. I have talked with them repeatedly about this and they contend it's because he is stimulated and doesnt want to miss anything. FYI, I have him napping 2 times per day on the wknds for about an hour each. Anyway. I was happy b/c he was asleep, when I went to get him from his crib, he was in there with a huge stuffed elephant, a book , a couple of balls and another toy. He was squished against the rail of the crib with his blanket on. To me it looked like they picked these toys off of the floor dumped them in his crib to get them off of the floor and then he wound up falling asleep so they dumped him in there on top of it. I mean it really looked like a toy box and then he was plopped in there. I have told them repeatedly NO blanket when he is sleeping, too. I was very upset. I have seen his DCP, put a banner from the wall in his crib, its like they use it to get items off of the floor when they are cleaning. So my interpretation was that was what occured with all of those items in the crib this time. I talked with the leader of the room the next day ( she had already left that day ) and she contends that she puts things in his crib for him to play with until he falls asleep, but she was unaware/unsure why the number of items where in the crib and said she would talk with the staff. She also apologized AGAIN for the blanket and said she would talk with the staff. When I followed up with her,she told me she would put nothing in his crib now. I had provided 3 small toys since day one for him to play with /chew on. Does her rational sound correct? Did I over react? Interprete the situation incorrectly? Like I said, I am looking for opinions on what occured and also what people think about the napping situation. Is it too much to ask that they make more of an effort to get my son to nap during that day? Now I feel like they wont bother at all to have him nap b/c they are mad at me for confronting this instance and they wont bother to put him in his crib b/c he wont be occupied with loads of toys. Any insight / thoughts are appreciated. I am uneasy about all of this. Thank you.

alisonada · January 2009

I don't think it's you, I would be upset too. There shouldn't be random things (let alone a banner from the wall - WTF?) in your child's crib. Seriously, if this is a reoccuring problem I would probably look around to see if you can find another option that's more respectful of your wishes.

MrsSledge · January 2009

I don't understand him not napping. Do they only allow kids to nap in the cribs? Sometimes they will only sleep in bouncy seats or swings. Are they turning the lights off? I would be upset about them not following your instructions, but since you spoke with the lead teacher about it, I would consider the situation resolved, but be more aware to ensure it isn't still happening.

azuremama · January 2009

I would be upset about all of it. The stuff in the crib is a safety issue and I'm surprised they would let that happen. If it happened again, I would look for another provide. You might even want to look for one now if you're not comfortable with your son's care.

As to the napping, it's hard to say. How do you put him down for naps at home? If he has to be rocked to sleep, it may be asking too much of the dcp. Have you talked to them about what they try to do to get him to sleep? I know some kids in my son's room have a hard time sleeping, but they all take naps. They have been days where some kids nap in bouncy seats facing the wall in order to get them to sleep. At 7 months, he's way too young to not be napping at all, and if he naps at home, he needs the sleep. Our daycare uses a cd player near the cribs to block out some of the noise, and turns the lights down low. I have talked with our dcp a couple of times about napping and they've always been really good about addressing my issues. Sometimes ds doesn't sleep as much as I'd like, and that's okay, but if he not sleeping every single day, I'd have a problem.

molldoll71 · January 2009

Napping - Billy almost always naps better at home but it is quiet and dark and I lie down with him. No distractions. But at school they did let him nap wherever he was - I think he napped most of the time in a bouncy.

I would be really upset about them putting things in the crib with him - I am pretty sure it is a health violation. Esp. a banner from the wall? I guess just keep an eye - you spoke up and have to hope they will honor your request - which should be the rule anyway.

Good luck!

Pesky · January 2009

I don't blame you for being upset. Once or twice, fine. But if it is a habitual issue, it just means you can't trust them to follow your requests. And the stuff in that crib is a violation, like pp said. When DD was put down to nap in her infant room, maybe she had a blanket (which eventually was discontinued) but no toys. Honestly, I'd keep one eye on the situation and another eye scouting for other daycare options.

ToBeLee · January 2009

Thank you all for your helpful responses.

Angela814 · January 2009

The large stuffed animal would bother me the most I think just because it's a potential hazard. A couple toys or a book aren't likely to suffocate him. Does he have some type of lovey he uses at home that might help him sleep better at daycare? It almost sounds like that's what they're trying to do with the blanket. Either way, since you asked them not to put a blanket in his crib, it shouldn't have been there. What are they doing to help him sleep? Do they rock him at all? Let him sit in the swing or bouncy for a bit? I think it was just around the 6-7 month mark that DD started napping in the crib. Prior to that she would fall asleep in the swing, or I would rock her or nurse her for a bit first.

momofolivia · January 2009

I think that you should trust your gut, which you said you had felt uneasy since he started 3 months ago. Do not discredit your instinct in the matter. I had a DCP for DD's first 2 months that gave me great grief - I never knew if I was overreactting, expecting too much. I finally looked into new DCPs and found her current one. I LOVE it. You should have trust when putting your DC in daycare.

I agree with pp that you did not overreact, especially since this is habitual. I wouldn't mind a couple of toys in the crib, but the large stuffed animal and blanket would upset me.

I'd start looking for a new provider.

bunny731 · January 2009

I would be very concerned.

Your rules should be adhered to, as long as they don't violate requirements. End of story.

springtime81 · January 2009

Well, I guess I'll be the lone voice of disagreement. It sounds like you're overreacting a little. Toys in the crib to keep him calm before he falls asleep - not a big deal. He's right there in the middle of the room, it's not like they would miss him being smothered by a "huge" elephant. Also, I never understood being concerned with a blanket for a 7 month old. I mean, they should listen to you, if you don't want a blanket, they shouldn't use a blanket. But it's not a hazard. Often the blanket helps snuggle them and block out the chaos around them - it helps them realize it's nap time. And storing a banner temporarily in his crib so they can clean up? SOOO??? Was it on top of him at the time? Would you rather they not clean thoroughly? You brought up your concerns, and they seemed receptive and that they would try better in the future. They're not going to punish your son for your concern. That's their job, to take care of children and deal with the parents.

Maybride2 · January 2009

Honestly - I'd be looking for a new DCP, tomorrow.

A 7 month old is still young enough to suffocate with a blanket or a huge stuffed toy (or a freaking banner, that had no business being in the crib to begin with).

If they are that careless with this one instance, I'd wonder what other types of things are going on there.

spinach · January 2009

I would look for a new day care, our day care does not put anything in the infant's cribs unless it's a lovely or something belonging to the child. I wouldn't pull my kid out like Monday but I would start looking for options, a good day care is one where you feel comfortable with them talking about stuff. I would be bothered that there was so much toys in his crib. That they can't get him to fall asleep, especially since your baby has been there for 4 months already. you had told them not to put a blanket in there (which I think it is ok), a good day care would not forget this and if you tell 1 teacher everyone would know about it without you having to tell everyone. Good Luck in whatever you decide.

jlw2505 · January 2009

On the issue of your child napping at home vs daycare - most kids act very differently at home and daycare. My older DD has never napped well at daycare but at home, she does great. I can get a 2-3 hour nap out of her on weekends but at daycare, most days she just rests and doesn't nap as she doesn't want to miss anything. When she does nap, she is often the last to fall asleep and the first to wake up.

As for having toys and stuff in the crib - sorry but I would not stand it at all. My daycare allows nothing in the crib, not even a blanlet or lovie. They use sleep sacks and nothing else. Kids can not have anything with them until they are old enough to nap on cots which they do at a year. I would seriously consider finding a different daycare as it sounds to me like the staff here just doesn't care.

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Daycare-is it me? (long)

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