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Parenting
Seeking Advice: Considering a Third Baby After Believing Our Family Was Complete
I’m feeling a bit conflicted and would really appreciate some advice or words of encouragement.
My husband and I have been together for 12.5 years and have two daughters, aged 11 and 5. After our first, we thought our family was complete, so our second was a surprise. Following her birth, we agreed that two children were enough. I’ve even been encouraging my husband to get a vasectomy so I could stop using birth control, but he hasn’t scheduled it yet.
However, over the past four months, he’s been dropping subtle hints about wanting a third child. He sends me Facebook reels with messages like “no one regrets having more kids” and “just have that other baby.” He also shares old pregnancy photos and tells me how much he misses that time. About two weeks ago, he directly asked how I’d feel about having a third child. I immediately said no, but part of me is reconsidering.
I’m torn because I remember how exhausting and draining pregnancy and the postpartum period were for me. I have high-risk pregnancies, requiring weekly progesterone shots to prevent preterm labor. I experienced postpartum depression with both children, and despite having support, I often felt overwhelmed, & dealt with PPD, especially while breastfeeding a baby who needed me constantly.
I sense that my husband genuinely wants another child but hesitates to express it fully, possibly to avoid pressuring me. I believe that if he openly shared his feelings, it might help me better assess whether I’m truly done or open to expanding our family.
I know we need to have an honest conversation, but I’m curious: How did you decide whether to grow your family after initially thinking you were done? What factors influenced your decision?
Thank you for taking the time to read and share your experiences.
My husband and I have been together for 12.5 years and have two daughters, aged 11 and 5. After our first, we thought our family was complete, so our second was a surprise. Following her birth, we agreed that two children were enough. I’ve even been encouraging my husband to get a vasectomy so I could stop using birth control, but he hasn’t scheduled it yet.
However, over the past four months, he’s been dropping subtle hints about wanting a third child. He sends me Facebook reels with messages like “no one regrets having more kids” and “just have that other baby.” He also shares old pregnancy photos and tells me how much he misses that time. About two weeks ago, he directly asked how I’d feel about having a third child. I immediately said no, but part of me is reconsidering.
I’m torn because I remember how exhausting and draining pregnancy and the postpartum period were for me. I have high-risk pregnancies, requiring weekly progesterone shots to prevent preterm labor. I experienced postpartum depression with both children, and despite having support, I often felt overwhelmed, & dealt with PPD, especially while breastfeeding a baby who needed me constantly.
I sense that my husband genuinely wants another child but hesitates to express it fully, possibly to avoid pressuring me. I believe that if he openly shared his feelings, it might help me better assess whether I’m truly done or open to expanding our family.
I know we need to have an honest conversation, but I’m curious: How did you decide whether to grow your family after initially thinking you were done? What factors influenced your decision?
Thank you for taking the time to read and share your experiences.
Re: Seeking Advice: Considering a Third Baby After Believing Our Family Was Complete
First of all, your feelings are 100% valid. It's totally normal to feel conflicted when a big decision like this comes back into the picture — especially when you’ve already walked such a tough road to get here.
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot physically and emotionally with your past pregnancies, and that absolutely deserves to be at the center of this conversation. Your well-being matters just as much as anyone else’s. Honestly, it might help to gently bring that up with your husband — not in a dramatic way, but just so he understands the full emotional and physical toll you’d be carrying again.
That said, it’s beautiful that he’s feeling nostalgic and maybe dreaming of that “baby phase” again — a lot of partners do. But you’re the one who’d go through the shots, the recovery, the mental load, the sleepless nights... it’s OK to not be sure, or even to say, “I need more time to figure this out.”
Some couples talk to a therapist when they’re at this kind of crossroads. Others sit down and weigh the why behind the idea of a third — is it a genuine longing or more of a romanticized memory?
Whatever you choose, just know you don’t owe anyone a yes unless it feels right for you, too. 💛 Sending strength your way — you’re already an amazing mom.