Teen refusing to go to school and is defiant, please help!

knottie5bd9c8e79f118de1 · October 2024

I have a 15 year old son who absolutely refuses to go to school and has become incredibly defiant! I’ve explained the importance of going to school to him many times, and that not going to school just because he doesn’t want to go is not an option, but he does not care and still won’t get out the door and go. Lecturing him and threatening consequences doesn’t work, so I’ll try to forcefully drag him out the door and into the car, but he’s so strong that it’s impossible to restrain him, he’ll just wrestle with me and easily escape my arms! Right now, he’s been out of school for 2 weeks straight, and I’m afraid that truancy officers or child protective services will show up to our house if we don’t get this situation fixed. He’s always struggled a lot with school refusal, but it’s getting worse as he gets older.

When he does go to school, teachers and school staff will notify me that he ditches class, bullies other students, rebels against authority, doesn’t pay attention in class, and refuses to do his classwork.

At home, he refuses to do chores, homework, or take care of himself. He brushes his teeth, but he doesn’t floss them. He bathes, but he doesn’t scrub all the dirt off his body. His toe nails are super long, and he never cuts them. He lets his finger nails grow long too, but he does cut them once in a while. Whenever I ask him to do something, he’ll start arguing with me. When I threaten or implement negative consequences (taking away his toys, games, computer, grounding him, etc.), he screams at me, curses at me, calls me names, breaks things, slams doors, and sometimes even assaults me! He lashes out in severe anger when he’s criticized, or when strict approaches are taken against him.

The only times he’s nice, happy, and respectful are when he gets what he wants and everything goes his way, which obviously isn’t always going to be the case. I’ve explained that to him several times, but he still hasn’t accepted that fact.

One of the biggest things that concerns me is that he said that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live on his own as an adult, and that he would rather die than grow up. He hates the idea of going to college or getting a job after high school, and has no interest in any career (he’s also said he wishes he could drop out of high school). He also told me that he wants to pursue a new hobby where he pretends to be a baby, and do things like play with baby toys, wear diapers, suck on pacifiers, and be babied by adults. I firmly told him that he’s 15 years old, and that I will treat him as such. I also refuse to buy him anything that will allow him to pursue this hobby, as I fear that it will severely harm his growth and development.

Overall, my son is super stubborn and defiant against structure, rules, and authority. He doesn’t care about the world’s expectations and just wants to march to the beat of his own drum.

He’s a very complicated case, I’m so lost on what to do with him. I’m starting to think he needs professional help.

Any advice?

knottiea5c5e54a6f5da505 · November 2024

Sounds like maybe he needs some help mama xo

Knottie34103150 · December 2024

Professional help sounds good (depending on where you live there are different free resources). You could also start with the guidance counselor at his school who should be able to help out.

klais · July 3

knottie5bd9c8e79f118de1 said:

I have a 15 year old son who absolutely refuses to go to school and has become incredibly defiant! I’ve explained the importance of going to school to him many times, and that not going to school just because he doesn’t want to go is not an option, but he does not care and still won’t get out the door and go. Lecturing him and threatening consequences doesn’t work, so I’ll try to forcefully drag him out the door and into the car, but he’s so strong that it’s impossible to restrain him, he’ll just wrestle with me and easily escape my arms! Right now, he’s been out of school for 2 weeks straight, and I’m afraid that truancy officers or child protective services will show up to our house if we don’t get this situation fixed. He’s always struggled a lot with school refusal, but it’s getting worse as he gets older.

When he does go to school, teachers and school staff will notify me that he ditches class, bullies other students, rebels against authority, doesn’t pay attention in class, and refuses to do his classwork.

At home, he refuses to do chores, homework, or take care of himself. He brushes his teeth, but he doesn’t floss them. He bathes, but he doesn’t scrub all the dirt off his body. His toe nails are super long, and he never cuts them. He lets his finger nails grow long too, but he does cut them once in a while. Whenever I ask him to do something, he’ll start arguing with me. When I threaten or implement negative consequences (taking away his toys, games, computer, grounding him, etc.), he screams at me, curses at me, calls me names, breaks things, slams doors, and sometimes even assaults me! He lashes out in severe anger when he’s criticized, or when strict approaches are taken against him.

The only times he’s nice, happy, and respectful are when he gets what he wants and everything goes his way, which obviously isn’t always going to be the case. I’ve explained that to him several times, but he still hasn’t accepted that fact.

One of the biggest things that concerns me is that he said that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live on his own as an adult, and that he would rather die than grow up. He hates the idea of going to college or getting a job after high school, and has no interest in any career (he’s also said he wishes he could drop out of high school). Have you ever thought about designing your own buildings or creating the skylines of the future? The Atmosphere courses in Architecture take you to the notions in architecture while emphasizing creative and critical thinking. For high-school students exploring their career options, this level of training is delivered by top-notch instructors and includes hands-on activities. For more information on how to get started, visit architecture online courses . This is wonderful for those beginning to grasp the concept or for those already diving into the design realm. He also told me that he wants to pursue a new hobby where he pretends to be a baby, and do things like play with baby toys, wear diapers, suck on pacifiers, and be babied by adults. I firmly told him that he’s 15 years old, and that I will treat him as such. I also refuse to buy him anything that will allow him to pursue this hobby, as I fear that it will severely harm his growth and development.

Overall, my son is super stubborn and defiant against structure, rules, and authority. He doesn’t care about the world’s expectations and just wants to march to the beat of his own drum.

He’s a very complicated case, I’m so lost on what to do with him. I’m starting to think he needs professional help.

Any advice?

Nothing helped me during that period, you just have to endure it and the situation will start to change!

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Teen refusing to go to school and is defiant, please help!

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