Discouraged to TTC at 40 - perimenopause?

knottie8667a695bf8c75ec · March 10

Hi all, just wanted to share first and foremost how discouraged I feel today, maybe its just the post ovulation blues or maybe just reading too many posts. I am currently 40 since October and I have a 2 and a half yr old I gave birth to at 37 about to turn 38. I always wanted a sibling for my child, in fact if I was younger I wouldnt mind having more than 2, my husband never wanted kids but ceded because I was clear about that before marriage.It was a mission to get pregnant with the first not because of infertility but because of lack of trying - long story but basically my husband can go months without sex and I have to initiate it so it happens once and I try to time it around fertile time. So the first child I fell pregnant around the 3rd time, so 3rd cycle of only bbd once each cycle around fertile days pinpointed by FLo app. Was actually surprised I was pregnant. We didnt have sex for TWO YEARS counting from the day I was pregnant at 4 months or so and insisted on it. Anyway let me forward, last year I started bbf in my fertile days, this time with didgital clearblue ovulation tests. On third try (again only once in the cycle), day of positive OPK I fell pregnant and had a MMC at 9 weeks but fetus was dead at 6 weeks. This was last year when I was 39. Decided to pass naturally, horrible and painful experience, was on holiday in Portugal with my family but no husband and didnt want anyone to know, except my sister who is a surgeon and managed to get me strongest painkillers but it was still horrible. Anyway,my husband promised me that would try properly now and that I shouldnt be sad but that was not true. we bbd when I got back two weeks after miscarriage as my OPK was positive and I then found out because I had remaining tissue. Anyway we didnt bbd after that, things were not good between us, only bbd once in November on day of positive OPK but nothing came of it. So now would be the 3rd time trying, I bbd on day of positive OPK (the pink clear blue didgital, solid smiley) which was Thrusday 3 days ago. Had cramps that day and two days before.My concerns are:
- I dont think I get EWCM anymore at my age, dont remember ever getting it actually properly
- I had lotion like discharge a little the day after positive OPK and read some women only get that
-Now it has been 3 days but I have cramps again and what is a white but strecthy discharge so I am worried that is EWCM
-The Flo app had predicted my ovulation day to be today because for the past two cycles my cycles lasted 31 dyas but once I logged in the positive OPK it obviously changed to two days ago.
I guess my question is, could it be the OPK was false and maybe it is because I am going through perimenopause at my age? Am i kidding myself I can fall pregnant at this age when there are women at my age trying everything and I just bbd once a month?
I am so confused I dont even know what I feel anymore, but I am sure I had cramps the day of and two days before I bbd and supposed ovulation and was super horny the day before and extremely bloated, hungry and fatigued which I have been getting around ovulation as I get older.
SO SORRY for such a long ass post but I thought you know what, let me put it out there and who knows,someone might have time to drop some words.
I appreciate it in advance. XXX

britters314 · March 10

To answer your question about the OPKs, it’s not unusual to get a positive OPK and not ovulate. It doesn’t mean the OPK was false, but sometimes our bodies can start getting ready to ovulate and then not ovulate and try again later. It can happen at any age, so it doesn’t necessarily mean you are going through perimenopause. I suggest temping in addition to the OPKs because then you can confirm if you ovulated every cycle.

I also suggest joining in on our weekly threads, since we don’t normally do one-off posts here. It’s a great community and can help you through the stresses of TTC. You should also change your username so we can remember who you are and easily tag you in posts!

emeraldcity603 · March 10

I agree with @britters314. OPKs don’t confirm ovulation they just alert us that it may happen soon. I highly recommend you get another BD in since you’re seeing EWCM. Temping can help you to confirm ovulation so you once that happens there isn’t any guess work about whether the app was right or wrong.

knottie8667a695bf8c75ec · March 13

Thank you so much, this was so helpful and I will def join a community 🤗

littlestepss · June 27

Getting pregnant after 40 might take a bit more effort. The first step is to see a fertility specialist who can check your ovarian reserve and run other key tests. It’s also recommended to check for any chromosomal abnormalities (aneuploidies), as these can sometimes be the reason behind miscarriages and are important for the health of your future baby. You might want to check out MyIVFAnswers — they offer free webinars by leading fertility experts, especially tailored for women over 40. They cover both natural and assisted conception, as well as tips to boost your chances. Wishing you all the best on your journey

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