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2nd Trimester
kjarcher87
member
Boundaries
kjarcher87
member
We're approaching the end of the 2nd trimester, and I'm trying to figure out how to set firm boundaries. There is some key information that plays a big part in the difficulties I have. The biggest is that my mother is a controlling, manipulative narcissist. As a child (& even now) I was emotionally and psychologically abused. Everything has to be said or done according to the narrative my mother wants to show to the world. I'm tired of wearing a mask, playing the games, and hiding the truth. I will not do it with my son!
I've been learning just how not normal and unacceptable the behaviors of and relationship with my mother is. I've never known anything different. (But really, who thinks it's okay to hit their daughter, in her own home, while her husband is away on business?!) My mother refuses to treat me like an adult, and when we told them we were going to have a baby, her first response to me was, "I can't raise your child for you". WTF? Who asked you to? & More importantly, what on earth makes you think that I'd let you anywhere near my child?! Definitely not often and never unattended, especially after the way she messed me up!
My husband and I are in complete agreement - a united front. We have to set very firm boundaries that will have consequences and we're going to stick to them... No exceptions! We don't want people, especially family, feeling entitled and thinking they have certain "rights". Yeah, you don't, we do. We don't want to see our son smothered and overwhelmed, we both feel that way a lot and we know it won't be good for him. We don't want anyone trying to "parent" our child or encroach on our time and space as a family. We have a list, which will probably get added to, of our "Rules of Engagement" and anyone who can't respect us enough to abide by our rules and wishes will simply be asked to leave.
So, how do we set firm, crystal clear boundaries without totally burning bridges? Is there a way to "politely" set boundaries or will they be taken more as suggestions than a permanent line, not to cross, carved in stone?
Everyone says they're afraid of my husband, lol. He's the quiet, pensive type, and he is not an angry man, but do not cross him or threaten those he loves in any way. It's a slow simmer but no one is willing to risk making him "boil over". The hilarious thing is that no one is afraid of me... But they should be! My husband has been laughing saying that people need to watch out because "Mama Bear" is already starting to come out! And he is right! Forget him, they do not want to mess with me because I won't be nice about it anymore and I will throw you out of the house and tell you not to come back! If I'm feeling like this now, try adding a newborn, being over tired, and healing from a c-section to the mix... I can see things getting pretty ugly. (I shouldn't feel bad about this, right?)
I've been learning just how not normal and unacceptable the behaviors of and relationship with my mother is. I've never known anything different. (But really, who thinks it's okay to hit their daughter, in her own home, while her husband is away on business?!) My mother refuses to treat me like an adult, and when we told them we were going to have a baby, her first response to me was, "I can't raise your child for you". WTF? Who asked you to? & More importantly, what on earth makes you think that I'd let you anywhere near my child?! Definitely not often and never unattended, especially after the way she messed me up!
My husband and I are in complete agreement - a united front. We have to set very firm boundaries that will have consequences and we're going to stick to them... No exceptions! We don't want people, especially family, feeling entitled and thinking they have certain "rights". Yeah, you don't, we do. We don't want to see our son smothered and overwhelmed, we both feel that way a lot and we know it won't be good for him. We don't want anyone trying to "parent" our child or encroach on our time and space as a family. We have a list, which will probably get added to, of our "Rules of Engagement" and anyone who can't respect us enough to abide by our rules and wishes will simply be asked to leave.
So, how do we set firm, crystal clear boundaries without totally burning bridges? Is there a way to "politely" set boundaries or will they be taken more as suggestions than a permanent line, not to cross, carved in stone?
Everyone says they're afraid of my husband, lol. He's the quiet, pensive type, and he is not an angry man, but do not cross him or threaten those he loves in any way. It's a slow simmer but no one is willing to risk making him "boil over". The hilarious thing is that no one is afraid of me... But they should be! My husband has been laughing saying that people need to watch out because "Mama Bear" is already starting to come out! And he is right! Forget him, they do not want to mess with me because I won't be nice about it anymore and I will throw you out of the house and tell you not to come back! If I'm feeling like this now, try adding a newborn, being over tired, and healing from a c-section to the mix... I can see things getting pretty ugly. (I shouldn't feel bad about this, right?)
Re: Boundaries
How are his family with all this if I may ask?
Praying you have at least one half grandparents support.