I let my husband slack on parenting

pretzelmama30 · January 2023

I made my husband this way by not speaking up. My first husband did not help me with my daughter. We were young and he wasn't ready to be a dad, he would say.

So 8 years later, with my current husband, I didnt think it would be an issue as he's a completely different person and I've changed as well.

I thought I was in denial, thinking things like, "he just needs time" "he's overwhelmed, I need to support him" or " I'm a strong woman, I can do this" "his work schedule is demanding"
But now it's almost been a year and the excuses have run out. He keeps saying, I'll help you when I get rest but I've been on mommy duty for 11 months straight, not taking time to go see friends by myself, not going out, not driving anywhere by myself. I'm completely overwhelmed and my house is suffering because I'm trying to take care of two kids and 6 cats. I'm either constantly cleaning, or constantly tending to the needs of the kids. I get it, they're mine so it falls on me but I'm holding everything up except the finances which I worked until December so I helped with that too.

My husband will help on his time. After he sleeps in, has his morning routine... he will hold her for a 10-15 minutes but he is always saying "I have to work." "I need rest because I need to work"

10-15 to sleep or shower is NOT enough but I havent been as open to saying I'm tired so it builds up and I got pissed this morning and told him to hold the baby while I take a walk. He got upset because last night he said that he would let me nap and I woke up him just now asking for help. "I'm just trying to get 8 hours and then I can help" So, I said never mind, I'll put the baby to down for her first nap
But this is the story, I ask for help, he gives conditions, conditions fall through and I'm stuck with the house, the kids, the cats and then i blow up and he like " I'm sorry, I'll help.you have to speak up" but when I do, its never the "right" time.

I dont have family or friends to vent to so internet strangers, go lightly, I'm seriously at a loss.

swizzlemalarkey · January 2023

I’m sorry this is happening. I’m in the same boat. I let my husband get away with not helping for the longest time and now that our son is 2 it’s become the norm now and I hate it. He does the same things so you’re not alone. I don’t really have any advice unfortunately since I’m still dealing with it as well but I hear you and your feelings are valid

knottief3f829662d86ca85 · April 2023

After 4 months of letting my husband slack I was so exhausted I was irritated, overwhelmed & hallucinating. He was working n going to school and I'm at home so I thought it was a temporary sacrifice. It was too much for me.because baby was not sleeping well and would regress after the slightest change in routine.we finally made a schedule and I make sure he sticks to it. No excuses. some times it's 1put down or 2 hours while I go to the gym or shopping. On his day off after sleep he's the Main Caregiver. Im even looking into PT babysitter. I could benefit from a scheduled 3-4 hrs babyfree time. Ask ,insist or pay for help. Don't wait until it gets too much.

knottie51299626e2ec9fc8 · September 2024

sooo sorry to hear- going through similar emotions myself- but I am constantly sending and speaking to
hubby about how I’m feeling. Showing him how my mind is here and I need recognition, aide, anything to help my load- and I do mention his weight but of course what is more important? Finances or health? Save the mother who’s caring for the baby! Or he doesn’t get fed and then where do the finances go lol. Communication and reminders is how I’m dealing and going to start therapy again because I’m starting to experience the post partum rage again. Don’t give up on him if he’s willing to learn. But if he’s not that is
literally the worst. Time to mature and see the hard work you’re doing.

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