Gender disappointment

knottie80737df180253f1f · June 2024

Hi ladies, I just found out I am having a boy. I am the only girl in my family (counting cousins on both sides too) and I’ve never wanted a son. Does anyone know how to handle the disappointment or have positive stories of having a boy.

nken20 · June 2024

Congrats on your little boy! I totally get how you're feeling, but trust me, boys can be so amazing. I have a son and he's brought so much joy and adventure into my life. It's natural to feel unsure, but you'll find your own special bond with him. Plus, being the queen of the house isn't too bad either! Hang in there and give it time—you'll do great.

babywiik · June 2024

Hugs mama! No real advice here but just want to sit with you. I don't have boys myself but i have lots of nephews and they’re pretty cool. Hang in there and hopefully the idea of having a boy will get easier, the closer you come to birth.

knmahon · June 2024

I had a boy in October 2023 and he is the most delightful, joyful, life giving little human. He smiles at me like I’m the best thing in the entire world, it makes me feel like a million bucks. I also have a daughter and I love her equally to bits but she NEVER smiled or looked at me the way my son does. Something about that son/mother relationship is special! I hope you experience the same!

Mamazon2014 · June 2024

I initially suffered gender disappointment when I found out my first was going to be a boy because I am also the only girl in a family with 5 boys. But man, I have loved these last 10 years as his mom! He was the happiest little baby and woke up every morning with big sleepy smiles for me. He is sweet, creative, funny, incredibly kind, and we are wonderfully close. He’s always been my lovebug and even now as he is getting older he still snuggles up to me when we watch movies and isn’t afraid to hug me or give me a kiss on the cheek in front of his friends and classmates. There’s been days with this pregnancy where I have fallen asleep on the couch and he will come into the living room, grab a throw blanket, and place it on me to make sure I’m comfortable and don’t get cold. He’s an amazing little human and I am so grateful every day that I get to be his mamma.

bluecampanula · June 2024

(lurking from December)
I think most of the time what helps the most is once he's arrived and you get to hold him, know and love him as an individual person rather than just the idea of boy vs girl. Specifically as your own little person who is naturally going to adore you more than anyone else!

Sometimes it's also helpful to identify what it is that's at the root of it. Example, the idea of all the cute little girl stuff... so then counteracting it with finding boy clothing/nursery stuff you like, especially if you're not into the stereotypical "boy" things. With my third boy pregnancy I taught myself how to crochet and made him a dainty, but still boyish, baby blanket and matching hat.

Or if it's the idea of being left out, they NOW have some matching mom & me things for moms & their boys.

My boys #1&#3 are just so uncomplicated and easy, really, just straightforward logic. Boy #2 is super compassionate and makes friends everywhere he goes. (His emotional sensitivity does come with the flip side that he's a little more complicated

but we get each other). Boy #3 was all mine for the longest time - dad had to tip toe in the middle of the night and pretend to be me just to tuck him back in if he woke up.

If the disappointment grows instead of getting better, and starts overshadowing everything else, do reach out to someone you trust, or counseling. All the hormones in pregnancy aren't always helpful to our emotions!

strongishmom · June 2024

I literally just found out that I'm having a boy, and I'm feeling the same way. I was really hoping for a girl! I really like what @bluecampanula said about figuring out where those feelings come from. And I'm trying to focus on the fact that it seems like he'll be healthy, thankfully, and we can raise him to be a good human, no matter what. I do think it will take some time to get adjusted to the idea of raising a boy, though!

fk18 · July 2024

Yesterday we got our NIPT results and found out baby is low risk and are feeling so relieved!! At the same time we discovered baby’s sex; we are having a girl! I was a bit shook, kind of convinced we were having a boy the whole time (btw I am a FTM). I think after having a tough relationship with my mom, the idea of a boy felt safer. I’m grieving that idea a bit, but also excited to reimagine our future, and the joys our little girl will bring. I also forgot that several other of my favorite people in this world are girls/women. Just wanted to share how I was relating ❤️

knottie853faac0ebefdfb0 · July 2024

I feel the same way! I found out we are having a girl and the entire time we thought she was a boy. It felt weird at first but now we are so excited with the thought of a girl 💖 congratulations!!! I got my NIPT results low risk.

dvmpow · July 2024

I had HORRIBLE gender disappointment with my May 2023 boy, even ended up taking myself to the hospital from how bad my mental state was. I got over it with time, probably took a month or so, and I’ll be honest he was a tough baby the first several months and still has his moments, took a long time for me to bond, but he has developed into the most amazing little man who cracks me up every day and is my heart and soul. I could not imagine my life without him and so glad he’s mine. That being said my current pregnancy NIPT results are in but I’m too afraid to look as I don’t want to have the same reaction as last time, even though I know I would love it either way…

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