Weekly Check-in May 27th

froggerblue · May 2024

I just wanted to start a new thread to know how everyone is doing this week. 😊

Did some of you got to have an ultrasound yet? Should we start a thread to share those precious moments?

How are you feeling?

Question/Rant?

wednesdayschild · May 2024

Thanks for kicking it off, @froggerblue!

Still feeling so tired. Like, way more tired than my first. But other symptoms are also much less awful. Do other STM+ notice big difference in symptoms between pregnancies? My friend said she had very different nausea between her son & daughter, but that feels pretty anecdotal.

Question: when do you tell your other kids about baby? I’ve got a 4 yo who has two best preschool pals with newborn sibs, so she talks about it constantly. In fact, she even told her teacher that we were expecting when we definitely weren’t 🫣 Definitely aren’t telling her before we tell the rest of the family (prob week 12?), but when??

froggerblue · May 2024

@wednesdayschild I would probably tell her like the night before and let her announce it to the family. That would probably make her so happy to be the one to do it.

I'm 13 weeks and we are planning to announce it to family this weekend. My daughter is too young to really understand what is happening (she's 8 month old) but, we are having a BBQ, so I thought giving her a picture of the ultrasound and letting her wave it around until she catches the attention of someone.

For your other question, as of now, I feel like my symptoms were pretty similar. I'm a bit more exhausted, but my thyroid got unbalanced this time around and would explain the fatigue surplus. I was pregnant just last year, so it's pretty fresh in my mind.

shakespeareaddictrn · May 2024

I’m 14w today, and I finally feel like I’m starting to get some of my energy back. I’m also staring down the calendar going “oh my gosh she’s gonna be here in 6 months and I don’t know what I’m doing.” I was gonna start a registry, and I’m so overwhelmed I don’t even know where to begin. I’m a FTM, and I don’t wanna get a bunch of superfluous stuff that isn’t helpful and miss out on essentials. Thankfully I have a few acquaintances who have had kids recently, so I have some helpful hand-me-downs coming my way like a nice rocker, a diaper genie and a changing table. That should do it right? 😜

I had two prior losses, so I’ve already had a week 7, 8, 9, 10 week US and a week 12NT scan. I’ll have my next on Tuesday. I’d love a place to share pics of our growing babes in fuzzy black and white!

Question: are there any other donor egg IVF mamas out there? We have been really open with family and friends about our path to pregnancy and using DE IVF, but folks forget (which is great and not a problem) BUT, I’m wondering how you manage things like a forgetful friend who hears about the baby being super active or doing something cute and saying something along the lines of “well she has 50% if your DNA so of course she will…” I don’t want to quash the enthusiasm and kind thoughts, but we are also trying to be transparent about our process and incorporate into our daughter’s story for herself from the beginning. Do I just appreciate the sentiment and leave it alone, or do I gently remind them that it’s not my DNA (though my uterus will help to determine epigentics and gene selection)? Does is even matter?

froggerblue · May 2024

@shakespeareaddict I haven't gone through IVF, but we thought hard about adoption so similar thoughts had gone through my mind. My best advice would be: do what is more comfortable for you. If you're uncomfortable with people misspeaking about your baby's genetic, it's your right to correct them. People do forget and can say distasteful things because of it. If you feel hurt by it, it should be address. If it's of no consequence, I wouldn't personally bother. They probably won't even remember they said that to you after a few weeks.
You will find your balance on when you feel it's important to rectify the situation and when it's inconsequential.
Personally, the matter around genetics is most important from a medical standpoint in my opinion. Like hereditary diseases or predisposition for health problems. Whether we are genetically connected or not, a child must grow to be his own person. But that's just my opinion.

froggerblue · May 2024

Also for the registry, to be honest, this is my second and I still wouldn't know what to put in it. If you have a safe place for baby to sleep, if you have baby milk (whether it's breast milk or preparation), diapers, changing/rash creams, and onesies/pyjamas, you are good for the first few months.
I would add a carseat, a stroller or a baby carrier adapted to newborn to go around as there are a few medical appointments in the first weeks. A baby carrier was really helpful to me as my tiny one wouldn't sleep comfortably if she wasn't held, and although she was tiny, she got heavy fast in my tired arms. So the baby carrier, would help me hold her safely (it was a wrap).
If you have a good sized house, a baby monitor is necessary. Some babies are not that loud when they cry.
I received a comforter for my daughter and we use it a lot since it gets cold in the winter here, so it kept her warm everytime we went outside. I'm definitely getting another one for this baby. I love it so much.
It's hard to say what you'll need exactly because some of my friends gave me things they valued a lot in their experience, but wasn't needed with my daughter. And I'm sure, I've used stuff (like the baby carrier) that not all of them needed.

missa_lyssa · May 2024

I’ll be 11 weeks on Saturday and have my first appointment with ultrasound on Monday!

I’ve been feeling tired, queasy but no vomiting, constipated, and VERY sore nipples… still working on weaning my 2yo. Hard to keep up with him right now!

Question for those who have weaned, especially a toddler: We’re down to only nursing at napping, bedtime, and when he wakes up during the night, and I’m not sure how to start eliminating those! I’m trying to make sure he has a good snack before sleeping so he’s not waking up hungry (not that he’s probably getting much milk anymore, but he might want to nurse because he’s hungry). I’d also like to gradually shorten the amount of time nursing before sleep, but if I try to cut it short, he just screams until I let him fall asleep nursing… Any advice?

@wednesdayschild, My 2yo knows because we were not careful about not talking about it in front of him, so even though we didn’t directly tell him, he started saying, “Baby in Mama’s tummy!” 😂 So when he brings it up, I talk about it with him, but otherwise I don’t bring it up. So far he hasn’t spilled the beans to anyone else, but we’re planning on telling after our US next week anyway. As far as symptoms, mine are pretty similar this time around, maybe slightly worse because I’m not getting as much rest as the first time.

nj_newmom · May 2024

I’m super tired as well, ready to get some energy back soon I hope!

Had an ultrasound today and it was awesome to see baby look like a baby this time! Haha. Also got some bloodwork done and we will find out the gender from these results which is very exciting/I can’t wait!

I am interested and don’t know where to begin on the registry either, but my sister, who I’m very close with, is pregnant with her second so I’ll be asking her and I can respond back!

Question: has anyone told their employer yet or have they for other pregnancies and if so at what week did you tell and do you have any suggestions for those conversations?

froggerblue · June 2024

@nj_newmom Depends on your country and your employment conditions. Here, I have to tell my employer at least 3 months before I plan to start my leave.

new_mom_mn · June 2024

Here is a spreadsheet a friend shared with me of items you'll need and estimated counts! Seems like a useful place to start for a registery or finding secondhand items. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/13Hd7-hsMso9SYw1_NLG8WAAjgc0Y2V3P/edit?usp=drivesdk&ouid=112213346440584200041&rtpof=true&sd=true

froggerblue · June 2024

@new_mom_mn It's a good idea to share your spreadsheet. I will add: for those who will go through a vaginal birth, I really liked the Frida cold absorbent pads. I had second degree tear, and the cold brought lots of relief. I could sit and move around with those.

wednesdayschild · June 2024

@nj_newmom, I told my employer at 12 weeks, since I'd gotten genetic testing results and the miscarriage risk was much lower. I give them information about my due date and parental leave plans, as well as what I was thinking about coverage for my role. My office is super family-friendly, but if you have any HR-related questions (at least for the U.S.), that's what I do for work and I'd be happy to answer them :-)

@shakespeareaddict, my friend had an IVF baby and made him a personalized book with pictures of the process and her pregnancy, which I thought was a sweet way to share his story with him. And re: friends...if it's bugs you, it's worth saying something! Just a quick: "Oh! Actually, we won't share DNA since it's a donor egg!" is probably enough.

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