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Anatomy scan didn't go as planned

finalcountdown5finalcountdown5 member
in 2nd Trimester
We are devastated. 
We could not find limbs and part of the back brain was missing. 
I'm seeing a specialist tomorrow. 
We will be scheduling an abortion if the results are the same. I know they will be. I've never had an anatomy scan like this one. I'm struggling with whether aborting is the right decision. I want to meet her so badly. I also don't want her to struggle and suffer her whole life. 
Has anyone been in a similar position? 
Thanks in advance. 

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Re: Anatomy scan didn't go as planned

  • MinnieMay9MinnieMay9 member
    While I haven't been in your position I'm sending good vibes to you that maybe something went wrong with the scan.  Either way I'm sure you are going to make the best decision, even if it has to be a hard one.
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  • blueberrylemonade12blueberrylemonade12 member
    I’m so, so sorry that this is happening. Sending you good wishes as you navigate this difficult time. ❤️
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  • nken20nken20 member
    If only I have the answer. This is a tough situation you are going with. Nevertheless, I believe that any decision you'll make is the best one.
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  • Knottie50197306Knottie50197306 member
    I have been in a similar position and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’m so incredibly sorry you are going thru this. We knew her life would be torture and as her parents, we couldn’t do that to her. So after more testing and education, we let her little soul go to find a new body so she’ll have a wonderful life. I am sending you so much love. 
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  • finalcountdown5finalcountdown5 member
    Thank you. I'm sick to my stomach waiting for this appointment. I have pinpointed what happened and it was an exposure to cats. (I loathe cats, now it's war) we were at my MIL for Christmas. I didn't know I was pregnant. The boys got toxoplasmosis and it of course infected all of us. So sick. It's about a 20% chance to come in contact with the fetus in first trimester but if it does it is detrimental to their development. I had told my provided about it and she blew it off. Ugh I hate OBs. This could have been detected much sooner if she had listened to me. 
    Hopefully find out good news. Doubtful. 
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  • finalcountdown5finalcountdown5 member
    edited May 2024
    We are inducing next week. A DNE seemed too cruel. Easier on me, but I don't want her torn apart. She will be cremated. They don't think it's genetic. A fluke. We will test her tissue. Then we will test me for toxoplasmosis. My boys are very sad and when they kiss the baby now they say they are goodbye kisses. We are doing fine a bit sad, but all apart of the process. I've had smooth pregnancies and deliveries, I knew someday my turn for hardship would come if I kept rolling the dice. 
    We can't wait to meet her and set her free.

    Thanks for your kind words in this time. It is much appreciated. 
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  • MinnieMay9MinnieMay9 member
    I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this.  I'm sure that even though she doesn't get to know anything about the outside world that she knows how warm and safe you made her feel.
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  • knottiec359f1b9df3ee549knottiec359f1b9df3ee549 member
    edited May 2024
    last year at the 20 week anatomy scan I found out my baby had severe spina bifida. It was a total shock and completely unexpected. I went to fetal medicine the next week for a more thorough scan. It was the worst decision I ever had to make in my life, I completely understand how difficult this time is. For my husband the decision part was more straightforward for him but I would go back and forward all the time. Ultimately we medically terminated. I had amazing doctors and nurses who were very understanding and provided a lot of support. I started seeing a therapist after (still do 1 year later as it helps with my life in general). I held my baby afterwards which I wasn’t sure I wanted to do but I’m glad I did now because I believe it helped me with the grieving process. After I held him, I also felt that I made the right decision (as hard as it was to make and go through). I knew that he would have had an extremely hard life if he even made it to birth at all. I’m so sorry you have to go through this, I know it’s awful. But you will get through it. If you need help, support or resources, just ask. Sending love and healing energy as you go through this tough time.
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  • finalcountdown5finalcountdown5 member
    Thank you. They are shocked I haven't miscarried. There is no question of her survival there are so many different issues. So that part has been easier. I feel weird playing God and ending the life as she fights to try.
    I am so glad you mentioned holding the baby. I asked my husband and he said he didn't want to. I think I need to. To know that I made the right decision. To look at all the anomalies that she has and know that it was what was right. 
    I'm sorry you went through this as well. I've had very normal pregnancies and the 20 weeks scan is always an exciting day. I get the first outfit after that appt, all those fun things. So when I went in. It was not what I was expecting a shocker for sure. I have had 4 sonos at 20 weeks. I knew before doc said anything. I was asking where is this, why is that like that. He didn't even try to sugar coat it. Which I appreciate. Definitely was a curve ball. 
    Again thanks for your kind words and your experience. It is very helpful to hear from other women especially ones that have gone through this or something similar. 
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  • knottiec359f1b9df3ee549knottiec359f1b9df3ee549 member
    It is a very heavy decision but one of the nurses made me feel so validated by telling me how brave I was being for my baby. Holding the baby was something I was so tormented by for the 2 week period I had to wait between finding out the bad news and having the termination. I didn’t know what to do until after the baby was delivered then I knew 100% that I needed to see the baby. A social worker I met on the day of the delivery told me that I would just know when the time came and she was completely right. You are correct when you talk about feeling like you need to see the issues with the baby. I looked at my baby’s whole body and saw the problems which, maybe sounds weird to some, made me feel more at ease about the decision. As hard as it was, I knew and I still know it was right and I feel no guilt. Take you time with healing, everyone heals differently. I’m over a year out from when it happened to me and I’ve been feeling well for awhile now. Take care 
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  • finalcountdown5finalcountdown5 member
    I'm so glad you are feeling well now. I agree that holding the baby will be a form of closure. I don't think we will name her. I don't want to tie her soul down to this world. I want her to be removed from this and free to move on. I'm not sure that is the right decision or not, but how I'm currently feeling. 
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  • knottiec359f1b9df3ee549knottiec359f1b9df3ee549 member
    I don’t think there is a “right” decision in terms of what you would feel comfortable doing or not doing in this situation. It will all work itself out. I live in Canada and legally we had to choose a name and go through a funeral home. I would have preferred not to have to choose a name bc now every time I hear it I think about it. 
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  • harpseal135harpseal135 member
    I am so sorry for what you are going through. My cousin went through this and it was a very trying time
      After baby was born, they held her took prints, cremated and have her little ashes in an angel rememberance plaque that they sealed the ashes in.  
    Hugs to you!
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  • finalcountdown5finalcountdown5 member
    edited May 2024
    It was quite the process. We ended up naming her Emerald "Emmy" May. For the month and her rebirth.
    She was born and died at 2:13AM 5/24.
    It was the right decision. That was what I was struggling with prior to seeing her. 
    I loathed the pity of the staff and the Doc who delivered her. She kept asking what I wanted even though it had been clearly stated multiple times. 
    My nurse was amazing. 
    I have a daughter now. I won't be able to bond with her or share experiences with her atleast not Earthside. But she has made the biggest impact on me. I have a whole new lease on life. My boys were created in absolute perfection. Every toe, finger, and hair on their body. I will never ever take for granted the miracle that life is. 

    Please pray for Emmy on her journey. We don't know what that journey entails, all I can hope is She gets another opportunity at the miracle that is life. She deserves that. 

    I didn't get sick with this pregnancy or with my miscarriage. To anyone who says be thankful, you are so very wrong. I had OB after OB tell me that when I voiced my concerns. I'd puke 10x a day if that means baby is healthy and growing as they should. Mamas listen to the intuition. Never again will I be dismissed by an OB. I will demand US and anything else I deem necessary. 
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