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Don’t want to bring kids to big family event (quince)

sssrsanchsssrsanch Newbie
edited April 2024 in Parenting
We have a family event this weekend (a quince) and I really don’t want to bring my kids. Not for selfish reasons but because I know they will not enjoy it and will just become fussy and myself and husband will be on edge and frustrated.
I have a 3 month old and 1. I feel like it’s going to be way too loud for her 2. Worried about her getting sick 3. She’s super clingy and gets colicky so I know she will be fussy.
My 5 year old daughter has autism and she’s a runner, which means me or dad will be having to chase her around the whole time. She also doesn’t like loud places much either.
My oldest is 8 and he’ll be okay for awhile but I know he won’t last the whole night.

My husband is the godfather so he has to be there and will have to do dances and be more involved and not just a guest. Since he’s going to be busy a lot that means I’m going to have to be holding our infant and chasing after our 5 year old. I know it’s going to be a nightmare.

I already asked my mom and grandma if they would watch the kids and they said yes because they know how my kids are and they understand.
Last week I talked to husband about not wanting to take them and how I don’t really care if everyone is annoyed or upset if we don’t bring them because they don’t understand how our daughters are and they’re not the ones that will have to be looking after them. Plus I feel like if anyone really wanted to see them they would reach out. He agreed but today he was talking to his mom and she was saying how she got my son an outfit. So now my husbands back on the page of bringing them.

I told him I probably won’t go then or will leave early because I already know within an hour one of the kids is going to be fussy or overwhelmed. He didn’t really say anything.

I would love to enjoy it, but it’s going to be difficult with my two young ones. But his family are kind of judgmental especially his mom and he always goes by what she says or suggests 🙄
Plus I know if we do take the kids I will be the main one looking after them which means I’m probably going to be a little overwhelmed and not really having a good time.
My husband always says that he hates how I never have a good time and don’t join in on the fun at his family gatherings but how can I when I have to look after my kids. And he would say this before we even had my infant. I don’t wanna “ruin the night” because I’m not in a spectacular mood. And I feel like he’ll get annoyed with me.

Any advice on what to do?
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Re: Don’t want to bring kids to big family event (quince)

  • j-redd222j-redd222 member
    I also have three kids but not so large of an age gap. While I have young cousins with autism, my own aren’t autistic so I have a bit of a reference point but as sure not a full understanding of everything that comes with that. That being said, if it’s something my husband requested I would bring the kids. In doing this, I would either talk to his mother or have him reach out to her to ask for assistance with them. If she wants them to be there, I would ask if she wouldn’t mind holding the infant if the 5 year old needs some attention. Also, at my sister wedding, kids were not invited, however, my autistic (child) cousin still was allowed to come because my aunt and uncle couldn’t leave her behind. She ran around and loves dancing so she spent most of her time dancing while her parents enjoyed their time with family. I don’t know if your daughter also is this way or would simply run around wherever she could, however, if you know people there are family and would have your children’s best interests at heart, that makes it more of a safe space for you to relax. For example, if anyone has seen my cousin running somewhere she shouldn’t have been or the dance floor getting too rowdy for her to safely be up there we would’ve made sure her parents were aware so they could make sure she was okay. I understand feeling like a default parent and the stress and pressure that comes with big events and small children and needing to make sure they behave, but I also know I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how well my kids did at many different occasions that I thought they’d be absolutely miserable for. I’d have a back up plan- mother in law watching one, maybe having an aunt or uncle who’s comfortable being on call to keep an eye on another if things go downhill- but I’d go and give them a chance to surprise you. I’d let my husband know my plan for help and that if I’m not able to get help and it’s going really poorly I’ll need to leave early for my sanity and the kids safety but I think that making the attempt is worth it, especially if it’s something your husband would appreciate. I hope it all works out!
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