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January 2024 Moms
nipah_shadow
member
I lost my partner 2 months before I'm supposed to give birth.
nipah_shadow
member
Hi there, I'm new to this discussion forum thing of the app. I never really used any discussion forums before but now I feel like there's nothing really better to do.. I'm due to be giving birth to my daughter on January 13th and I sadly and unexpectedly just lost my fiance, the father, recently this past Sunday the 19th after a 6 day stay in the hospital for heart issues, and now I'm just extremely lost and I don't know what to do anymore... we live with my mom (I still live with her) so it's not like I'm completely alone, but I'm still alone when I'm in our room- especially at night before I lay down and go to sleep.. I keep wanting to believe that he's just downstairs fixing something to eat or that he's in the bathroom or he went to get something from the store and that it was just a horrible surreal dream, but then I see his bag of clothes from the hospital when he had called for an ambulance on the 13th thinking that it was his gallbladder attacking again, and then I'm hit with the reality that it's not a bad dream; it's real.. he was so excited about being a father and having a baby with me and even more ecstatic about having a girl because he knew it would be a girl before we actually knew her gender, and he would tell me multiple times that it's a girl he knows it and I just brushed it as he was wanting one really badly and I would tell him to just wait and see until we got the results, and boy was he happy to brag for months that he called it he knew she would be, which wasn't a bad thing, I thought it was adorable to see him acting like a girl over the fact that he was having a girl. He would even make phone wallpapers and icons pink and with her name everywhere he was so in love with her already. But I would take all of that over again if it meant that I could be with him again... he didn't want to die he was so scared of it, he didn't want to leave me to be a single mother and leave our little girl to grow up without her daddy, he didn't want to fail us by not being here.. he would break down at times and cry that he'd never be able to hold her and that he'd never be able to meet her when she's born.. it just kills me because I would tell him to get him to calm down that he would get to see her be born and he's not going to die anytime soon and I just feel like I lied to him... I'm so angry at myself and more depressed than I've ever been and alone and I just want him, and I don't know what to do anymore..... I'm sorry for making this incredibly long, but I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.. if anyone has any advice or just anything at all that would be appreciated, I just miss my fiance so much and I don't know what to do without him now....
Re: I lost my partner 2 months before I'm supposed to give birth.
Please lean on your mom, broaden your circle as much as you want to hide. Even if that just means posting exciting milestones or annoying things on here, we are here for that!
I truly believe at writing things, no matter how mundane, helps with healing (not anything the same but I started writing when I suddenly lost my father a few years back and it honestly helped, maybe not for everyone).
Get as much rest as you need, and do what you can to keep yourself and baby girl healthy for him.