Maybe I’m wrong. But I’m worried.

I’m sorry you all. I just need to vent about tomorrow.

My son is meeting his father for the first time at my home tomorrow. I’m not sure what his fathers intentions are. But he hasn’t been involved since two months before our baby was born, and the baby will be 11 months old on Saturday.

He went and decorated a room for him at his house, and everything, served me paternity papers, is offering to pay child support, and is wanting us to be friends.

I haven’t received any amount of child support yet, but I also have not turned in the paternity papers due to him meeting him this weekend and me worried he may dart off with the baby. (I have until the 3rd to turn them in)

I don’t know. I’ve been doing this all in my own while he was saying he had no kids on dating apps. But his mom and friends abandoned him due to him choosing to stay away, and he couldn’t handle that. Now he’s trying to be a dad when it’s convenient for him. He made his choice, he should have to stick with it. Maybe I’m being too harsh. But he never reached out or anything. I didn’t get 12-13 months to wait when it’s convenient for me to be a mom. I had 3 months to get everything ready and I’m in a lot of debt due to that. He’s bought a new watch, phone, video game consoles, fireplace, etc. Not only that, he got to have sweet sleep while there were several weeks I was barely getting by on just 4-6 hours of sleep total for a week. I did the hardest part, and now he gets to waltz in as if he’s father of the year?

I also do not get back child support. It only starts once paternity is established. So, I’m still in debt.

I’m not sure how this is going to work. He’s wanting to do outings together but at some point I’m sure he will want baby to stay over night and I’m not comfortable with unsupervised visits until my son can tell me what’s going on due to what my ex tried to do before around with my oldest who is not his biological child. He said he is able to come over too with his brother and that’s a straight up no. Makes me wonder if he is trying to get him alone. That’s what my gut feeling says. (Someone related to him said “insecurity comes from the mind not the gut” so idk if that was referenced to me but no, not insecurity- when I became a mother, there’s this weird radar feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when something seems off and it’s NEVER been wrong and there have been times I have not listened to that feeling and I’ve wished I did.)

I’m just so frustrated because this was all out of nowhere.

From my own personal experience, my mom forced me to have a relationship with my dad. My dad used that to his advantage and used me as a way to get to my mom. He bribed me with money. Both of them would ask me if I wanted to live with them. Both got mad at me when I told them both I wanted to live with both of them. This distracted me from things I should have been worried about like school, and making friends. I developed depression at age 11, as well as an eat ing. d is order. I was in therapy consistently, but it didn’t help.

I just don’t want my kids hurt. Or my other son crying wondering why his baby brother is leaving (they are best friends) or asking why he doesn’t have a father. (His bio dad started threatening us, and I was smart enough to get proof, and he says he is child free “by choice” now. He had a great stepdad, but he passed away when he was 3 months. He was a great man. I don’t know what I did to deserve what I’ve been through and continue to go through.)
A lot of people think I’m being bitter against my youngest’s dad, but he wasn’t helping me at all, and clearly didn’t want to be a father until his family pushed him into it. I truly just want what’s best for my kids and I want them safe. I was even struggling and going without so my kids had what they needed and were happy.
I don’t have a lawyer due to finances and legal aid is a joke around here. My kids are well taken care of tho.

Idk, I just needed to vent. I’m nervous about tomorrow. He’s asked if I wanted to go an hour away to do Black Friday shopping in his hometown. I’m not doing that. You hear stories about people acting nice just to hurt you in the end. He hasn’t necessarily been violent with me. I just wish he’d either be a good father or just stay away entirely.