Don’t want to breastfeed

tiff2023 · December 2022

Had a hard time with 1st and I’m just having this mindset to just formula feeding for 2nd.
I don’t feel guilty for not breastfeeding but I thinking should be the motherly thing to do,am I wrong?

meggyme · December 2022

Not every breastfeeding journey is the same. You could have a different experience this time if that is the only thing holding you back. But ultimately your baby deserves a happy mom, so if formula feeding is what it takes then go for it!

harpseal135 · December 2022

If you don't want to - don't! It is not for anyone to judge. Fed is best!

Knottie1433187098 · December 2022

The motherly thing to do is to love and care for your child. (Including feed them, however). Period. Do whatever feels better and don’t look back!!

tiff2023 · December 2022

Thank you!

00kim00 · December 2022

You may have read or heard the phrase "breast is best", and that is absolutely true. We know from scientific data that breastmilk is definitely superior to formula. But you know what we also know? Kids should get zero screen time before 18 months, there's no reason to give a child sugar or juice because it only has negative effects on their health, white flour (pasta, bread, baked goods, etc.) have basically no nutritional value so you should really always use whole grains, a baby should never co-sleep with a parent or sleep on anything other than a firm flat surface with nothing other than a fitted sheet, baby containers (swings, walkers, bouncers, exersausers, etc.) are harmful, parents scrolling their phones around their kids can hurt their development, and so on. Why we choose to shame moms who don't breastfeed- something only mom can do and really sacrifices part of herself for- is interesting and is probably rooted in the fact that only mom can do it and it is sacrificial, even though some of those other things are much, much more harmful than formula. And within a year, that lovingly breastfed baby will be just as likely as the formula fed baby to put whatever disgusting piece of dirt/bug/lint/poop/whatever that he finds in his mouth anyway.

Here's the thing- we make parenting decisions that weigh the pros and the cons, and choose based on our values. We give a one year old cake too see the joy on his face, even though the sugar isn't good for him. We may bring our baby into our bed to facilitate breastfeeding, even though it increases the risk of SIDS. We may choose formula over breastmilk or let or child have some screen time for our own mental health. Feeding your baby formula is fine and perfectly motherly. As long as you're doing it safely (do NOT make homemade formula, follow the instructions on how to mix it, etc.), don't let anyone make you feel like less of a mother for doing so.

mama_soon2_be2_18_23 · December 2022

I honestly didn’t breastfeed with my 1st, and a lot of family members told me I should do it. I’ve seen a lot of breastfeed baby’s be on the bigger side and I just kept thinking to myself because I am overweight myself, I know what it’s like for myself to be overweight and the struggles I live with. This is my last pregnancy and would love to experience it. But I’m not 100% sure that I can eat the right things and do it just for my baby girl. It sounds totally selfish but I have a food addiction that makes it so much harder to eat the right things. I also know that with my 1st born I didn’t get my supply in at all. I never leaked or anything.

00kim00 · December 2022

@mama_soon2_be2_18_23 if you want to breastfeed, don't let those fears stop you! If you don't want to, like @tiff2023, that's a totally fine choice, but it sounds like you want to. Breastfeeding actually lowers the chances of obesity, so if you're afraid of your child's being overweight, the first thing you can do to help them is breastfeed! Don't worry too much about eating the "right things". Your body takes the nutrients it needs for breastmilk, so she'll get what she needs. Remember supplementing with formula is also an option, you can breastfeed for the experience (and your baby still gets some of the benefits) and formula feed what you need/want to. Get an ICBLC certified lactation consultant to work with you on your goals, if you're in the US, it should be covered by insurance and they may even do home visits. My message to both of you is that you get to make the choice that's right for you AND you deserve the support you need to get there

Wishilivedinflorida · December 2022

@mama_soon2_be2_18_23 My breastfed babies were chunkers because I had oversupply and they liked to eat! They eventually thinned out and are squarely 50th percentile kids now. You also don’t have to 100% eat “the right things” as long as you try to stay balanced and take your vitamins. You can still eat junk! Your body will make the milk the right composition. That being said, you do whatever you feel is best, but breastfeeding is protective against obesity and doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

mahalove108 · December 2022

I agree - let's lose the judgment! Yes, breast is best for a bunch of reasons including the health of the person breastfeeding, but every family's situation is different and all of that needs to be taken into consideration - including the mental health and day to day life circumstances of the person breastfeeding. One thing to consider is giving your baby the colostrum you'll make in the first few days. You can give this with a baby spoon. This is a super vitamin that has tons of benefits for baby and you can provide that without having to breastfed if breastfeeding isn't right for your family. (You just pump it out. It's only a few tablespoons over a day or 2 or 3.)

tiff2023 · December 2022

Same with me I never really got my supply in and best of luck with both kids Thank you!

knottie_knottie1 · February 2023

From my personal experience, most women I know either exclusively formula feed or do a combo. Do whatever is best for you and your family

mallorikerr03 · March 2023

I didn't have the support for breast feeding with my oldest. I did with my second, I managed 6 months before my poor nipples couldn't take it any more, being chapped, cracked, and bleeding. My mother is law is pushing to nurse not exclusively pump like I did with my second with this baby. I do plan to try but if he isn't interested im not going to argue. He will be fed.

Do try to breastfeed, but if it doesn't work out you tried and baby will be fed and happy regardless.

mybimba · May 2023

I didn't breastfeed with either baby because I find it disgusting. The hospital tried to force with my first. They atttached hher whike I was still asleep from General Anesthesia csection. When I woke realized what was happening I.pulled her away and vomited for 10 minutes. My husband jumped up and said he told them not to do it but they ignored him. He got two hard slaps in the face because I blamed him for what happened. Nurse tried to intervene but I slapped her too. I got away with it because I was barely awake and frightened..

betsbirdy · May 2023

I've breastfed all of my babies. I never go into it knowing I will do it again. Each one for different lengths of time. I listened to my body and to how they were doing and cueing me. I do it because it is the healthiest option for them. But as stated above many things in parenthood are healthiest and we still stray.
A mother's sanity and well being is just as important in a babies health. If their is an inner struggle due to breastfeeding then maybe rethink.
If it's going well, then onward. If it's not then feed that baby, however necessary.
Mute the judgement. It's just noise anyway. I hope the journey is smooth regardless.

00kim00 · May 2023

mybimba said:

I didn't breastfeed with either baby because I find it disgusting. The hospital tried to force with my first. They atttached hher whike I was still asleep from General Anesthesia csection. When I woke realized what was happening I.pulled her away and vomited for 10 minutes. My husband jumped up and said he told them not to do it but they ignored him. He got two hard slaps in the face because I blamed him for what happened. Nurse tried to intervene but I slapped her too. I got away with it because I was barely awake and frightened..

That sounds abusive towards your husband. Being physically violent towards your spouse and blaming them for someone else's actions is not okay. I encourage you to really examine your relationship and get some help.

If you had made your wishes clear to your medical team that you were absolutely not breastfeeding, then the nurse's actions could be something that deserve an official complaint. Her touching you without consent and doing something you expressly told them not to do, especially while you were unconscious, is unethical at least and may be malpractice. Filing a formal complaint would've been the best response both for you and her future patients. However, what you did is assault and battery, and she could press charges. If you tried to file a complaint now, she may press charges in response, so that ship has probably sailed .

I think the things to learn from this are:
1. Hitting someone (spouse, nurse, etc ) is NOT an acceptable way to deal with things..
2. If you are against breastfeeding, make that very clear to your medical team. Put it in writing, tell the nurses, have it written on your whiteboard in your room, and make sure your support person is prepared to advocate for you. Breastfeeding is the standard of care in many hospitals now, both for the benefits for baby and mom. It helps both recover immediately following birth and can reduce the need for other interventions to stabilize baby and mom. It's totally fine to opt not to do it, but that choice could increase the need for other medications and interventions, so golden hour breastfeeding is likely to be the first line treatment unless you tell your medical team otherwise

knottie1c550164f6547569 · August 2023

Formula should be the backup plan. Biologically, breast is best. That’s a fact. It’s actually very important to the longterm health of the baby and it bonds baby and mom with hormones. That being said…..Breastfeeding can be difficult because a lot of moms don’t get the breastfeeding help they need. So I understand how many moms quickly give up. Even the lactation specialists can SUCK!
I highly recommend seeking out a homebirth midwife or birth center for lactation help if the hospital staff isn’t working out. There are organizations that provide lactation help as well as groups of breastfeeding moms. It is far too common for hospital employees to be extremely unhelpful; I don’t know why. I just recommend that moms keep seeking help, even if they have to supplement temporarily. Breastfeeding is convenient and worth it once it is troubleshooted.

clt2pwm11 · October 2023

I survived breast cancer and have no boobs to tie me down. Guess what? My baby will be formula fed! I have zero guilt about it. I breast fed my first and it was fine, but it was really hard on my mental health. They've done studies comparing siblings (one formula fed/the other breast) and there's no data to support one is better than the other. 🤷 I do think there's immune system benefit to breast feeding, but ultimately all the babies are going to get sick.

knottie403fad294bdf99a1 · December 2023

My first was a traumatizing delivery. I had zero supply, even tried to hand express colostrum and nothing. By the time we left the hospital he was solely on formula, I invested in a hospital grade pump and tried to pump, I took all the vitamins, ate all the food, and did everything I could. It would take me over an hour to pump 1 single ounce out of both breasts and at that time he was drinking 3 ounce bottles every 2.5 hrs.

My mental health suffered severely.

Same thing happened with my second, zero supply. Also formula fed.

Both my boys are in the 95th percentile. Incredibly active, athletic, smart and sweet and no one would know the difference!

Pregnant with my third and I won’t even be trying because honestly, I missed out on so much bonding time, and just enjoying my new baby trying to do “what nature intended” and I refuse this time. This is my last and I will soak in every moment with zero regret, zero guilt and a lot of joy!

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