I suck at my job right now and feel terrible about it

Re: I suck at my job right now and feel terrible about it

• maggiemadeit member

  November 2023

  I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I was in the 4th year of my PhD when I had my first baby and I went through something similar. My brain just couldn’t work the way it did before I was pregnant. Please give yourself some grace. Like you said, you grew whole new body parts of a whole new human today. It’s only natural that would divert some of your internal resources away from your brain. And the good news is that you will become a lean, mean, efficiency machine once baby is born, because there is just no other option for working moms. Hang in there Mama ❤️

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• stress_engine member

  November 2023

  Hi @rachel-the-wolf-flower, I also work in a highly technical position in a male dominated environment. I primarily work in office right now. Aside from some really awful heartburn, my symptoms have been manageable for the most part. I am 12 weeks tomorrow and I chose to tell my manager this past week. I work with a younger team now than I have in the past, so it feels a lot less awkward since many other coworkers have young families. I also haven't been under a ton of pressure with deadlines in quite some time, but I do understand how that feels.
  
  I think my advice to you would be to start letting others know what you need. Tell your OB or general physician/care provider about your symptoms. Explain that you are in a stressful and demanding job and that you need to be able to think clearly. There are definitely medications that can help with nausea. I'm not as certain about fatigue. But there maybe other management solutions such as changing your sleep schedule to allow for more rest.
  
  Even without needing to discuss your pregnancy with your supervisor or manager, are you feeling like you have been set up for success with your current workload? Do you have the training, experience, resources, or support required for your current assignment? Is the deadline reasonable for the amount of work needed to complete? If you are missing something, tell them what you need. Reach out to experienced coworkers with technical questions. You are a team and supporting each other is part of the job. If and when you are ready to discuss your pregnancy at work, let them know what kind of accommodations you need if any to succeed better. Maybe you could ask for a more flexible work schedule so that you can take a nap or two during the day between work, for example.
  
  I know it's tough; you are doing two really difficult things at once and they are both demanding all of your effort! There is definitely a lack of support for women in these environments, so make sure to advocate for yourself and get things in writing for requests.

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• rachel-the-wolf-flower member

  November 2023 edited November 2023

  @stress_engine thanks for your reply. My workload, and the general stress of the team is way out of bounds. But, we are under so much political pressure that no one is gong to do anything about it until we have met our go/no go deadline. I don’t think there is any type of accommodation available, except leaving this project entirely and going to a different one. (Which, fortunately, I have the ability to do). There is no training, resources, or even management structure. It’s kind of a free for all. I’ve never worked in an environment like it before. The best way to describe it is a “task force”. A group of individuals assigned to a must pass objective. Now that I’m pregnant, the fact that I joined this part of the government feels crazy, lol. I know two people whose marriages are ending since joining this task force. It is not good for anyone. 

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• stress_engine member

  November 2023

  Man, I hope you get off that project then! That sounds like an awful environment for everyone involved. I felt like I was reading a lot of work stress in your post aside from just trying to manage the added pressure of pregnancy. I hope you get into a better situation soon!

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