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I need guidance

jamiedalyjamiedaly member
in 2nd Trimester
I’m 20 weeks pregnant and it has been a challenging 20weeks. My husband and I both struggle with infertility and we got our baby girl after two IUIs. My first trimester was met with sickness, weight loss, thyroid problems and heart palpitations. When I told my doctor about all the diarrhea and heart palpitations I had been having, her response was, “go to urgent care or hospital to run an IV and get an ekg if you’re that worried” I didn’t feel advocated for and felt pushed to the side. My PCP took the lead and had me monitored with a two week monitor and ran all of my thyroid and electrolytes via blood. Something my OB should have done. Then last week I was leaking clear fluid. I called the office and they said they couldn’t find the OB or medical assistant and they’d have to call me back. It took an hour. Well in that hour, I got a hold of a nurse who told me to go to the ER out of an abundance of caution especially because I couldn’t get contact with my OB right away. When the office called me back they had an appointment available but because I was on my way to the ER, they said to keep going. So during my follow up my OB basically took it upon herself to scold me like a child in trouble with the principal. She told me the ER was the last place she wanted me, she never told me to go there (her medical assistant did), and that there’s nothing they could have done to save our baby anyways even if my water broke or a membrane tore. I left feeling so ashamed and embarrassed. I literally walked out with my head down. Now, I don’t feel like I can call if anything goes wrong in the future because I feel like I’m a burden. I don’t feel advocated for and I’m exhausted from all of this trauma of infertility and pregnancy complications I’ve already experienced and I’m only halfway. 

I want to switch OBs and find someone who would be a better advocate, but is it worth it? She’s been with us from the start of infertility. Would you switch or stay and stick it out? 
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Re: I need guidance

  • 246jazzy246jazzy Just Joined
    I have never dealt with such but just reading what happened to you has me livid. Okay she was with you through infertility BUT now there IS a baby on the way, she isn't doing right by either of you. She was wrong initially then had the nerve to scold you after. That just won't do. You have to know if you rather put her 'feelings' as more important or the health of you and baby.
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  • harpseal135harpseal135 member
    I will say one thing - she is right about going to the ER for pregnancy related issues - they are ALWAYS worst case scenario and ate not adequately trained for OB.  As for the rest of stuff, I didn't think IVF doctors took care of you after so many weeks of pregnancy.  Look for someone else is what I would do. 
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  • jamiedalyjamiedaly member
    Yeah I realize that about the ER now. But I was just doing what the nurse told me to do. Didn’t know any better at the time. 

    She isn’t from the fertility clinic. She is just an OBGYN but she referred us to our clinic and my husband’s fertility doctor. She was great in supporting and guiding us through all of that. I just feel so… idk… confused with how our dynamic changed so quickly. 
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  • nerakh246nerakh246 member
    edited September 2023
    Who knows maybe she has something going on in her life that's making her act that way. Obviously doctors should remain professional but we are all human. You can't control how others treat you, you can only control how you react, so try not to take it personally. 

    Being pregnant can be a stressful time especially for us first time mom's. Fertility issues only add to the stress! You want to be guided through this process by someone who is going to make you feel comfortable and give you good advice and not make you feel "silly" for asking questions about you and your babies health.  After all this is your first experience with all this and all you want is what's best for your baby, it can be scary..
    I know! If this person is not providing that level of care for you at this time despite your previous experiences I'd say look for another doctor. The next 20 weeks will be as long as the first 20 lol. Who know what will come up, you'll want to be cared for as things progress! 
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  • knottiebf44256394af10dfknottiebf44256394af10df member
    At 20wks pregnant your baby COULD be delivered in the ER and their life could be saved. Earlier in the pregnancy I understand and wouldn’t go to the ER myself but I’ve had two friends who had their waters break at 20wks and went to the ER where they had emergency c-sections and both of their babies are alive and well. Get a new OB, or be prepared to fight like hell for what’s in yours and your babies best interests.
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  • knottiebf44256394af10dfknottiebf44256394af10df member
    Also I’ll add, go to the ER at the main hospital where you’d be delivering if you’re getting OB care in a smaller practice or clinic.
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  • jamiedalyjamiedaly member
    Thanks everyone 💛 I’m currently in the process of trying to switch OBs. This whole experience was just too big of a red flag to ignore. Hopefully this new OB I found will accept me even tho I’m halfway thru my pregnancy 🤞🏻
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