TTCAL w/o Sep 4

virginiaham · September 2023

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Questions?

GTKY: What’s in your cup this week?

virginiaham · September 2023

TW update

I’m here, again, WFAF, 12dpo BFN after 8-10dpo faint tests getting darker (plus having symptoms/elevated RHR), then all of it just stopped in the middle of the day yesterday with tests last night fading. I don’t think it’s just a bad batch of wondfos because the line progression and symptoms coming and going all lined up—but I also didn’t have any FRERs yet.

I haven’t told MH that any of the other tests were +, I just told him that this cycle was BFN from this morning, both on wondfo and FRER. I feel like an idiot for being hopeful for a few days.

My mind is just going to all the places. We’ve already had a full IF workup/genetic testing/MFM consult after the last set of two losses, and I’m taking everything I should (inositol, ASA, folate etc etc), except for progesterone which I was going to start today but then BFN. I’ll start that at 3dpo next cycle. Set a timer for my meds/supplements to cut out days that I forget them.

But those goals are making me feel like this is my fault, like there’s something for egg quality/pregnancy support that I don’t know to do or am not doing right that this has happened again. Or it’s making me feel like this is our sign to stop, that we’re having repeated chromosome issues or my body can’t handle even being just barely pregnant that we don’t have any business trying anymore.

I hate loss.

GTKY: crappy hospital coffee at work, good coffee at home, plain water no ice.

charmedlifex3 · September 2023

Status: limbo, likely going for a d and c again next week. TW for slim possibility of a viable pregnancy.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I’m struggling with remaining in limbo. I still haven’t gotten my cycle back and my hcg levels are elevated, but they did an ultrasound and didn’t find anything resembling a baby- just a pocket of fluid. The options are that this got left behind with my last loss (most likely) this is another loss that never developed very far (very likely) or (least likely but TW pregnancy) this was a new pregnancy they just happened to catch before anything was really visible. I went in for help since I wasn’t getting my cycle back after the loss.

Also (TW pet loss) our cat passed away this week. Natural causes, she was 15, but still.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just in case it was option 3, they wanted me to wait two weeks before scheduling the second d and c and confirm by ultrasound it looks the same. That’s tomorrow.

Lots of mixed emotions. I’m afraid to hope for a miracle, and grieving. I don’t even know WHAT to grieve. Remains from the little boy we lost in June? A new baby who was gone before I even knew they were there? Just really overwhelmed and sad.

Questions?

GTKY: What’s in your cup this week? Ice water! I quit coffee a few months ago because it was tearing up my stomach. #old

@virg@virginiaham please tell your SO what you are going through. I went through a chemical in 2018 and never told my husband- until it came out in an infertility appointment. He was hurt, sad, mad that I didn’t tell him and i probably could have used his support when it happened. I know it’s not the conversation you picture after a positive test.

And yes. I hate loss.

virginiaham · September 2023

@charmedlifex3 I’m so sorry this is all convening on the same week. This has been a long road for you this summer, hoping for clarity today.

I told MH last night and he responded, “Let’s not speculate too much.” 🫥 CD1 yesterday, all we can do is the next thing.

charmedlifex3 · September 2023

Well. This may be my “graduation.”

The location of the tissue is indicative of a Interstitial ectopic pregnancy. The treatment for that is a hysterectomy.

My doctor is a professor at Harvard and married to another, she is reaching out to her colleagues to see if we have any other options. But if allowed to continue this has a pretty high maternal mortality rate.

This isn’t how I thought my journey here would end.

virginiaham · September 2023

@charmedlifex3 has she ruled out methotrexate? There is at least one recent study showing successful treatment specifically with IEP. I’m so very sorry.

charmedlifex3 · September 2023

@virginiaham there are three diagnostic criteria you need to meet - I missed one. I pushed and they are going to try a two shot sequence of it, but if it doesn’t work I won’t have any options but surgery and apparently has a 65% fail rate.

So praying to beat the odds.

maggiemadeit · September 2023

@virginiaham I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. I had a chemical a year ago and had very similar experience. Sorry that your husband wasn't more supportive when you told him.

maggiemadeit · September 2023

@charmedlifex3 I am so so sorry. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I will be hoping and praying that the methotrexate is successful and you will have another chance. Big hugs to you. We're here for you during this difficult time

virginiaham · September 2023

@charmedlifex3 just wanted to drop a note that I’m thinking of you and have been praying for success with the methotrexate. When is your next follow-up this coming week?

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