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IVF for 3rd baby/gender selection

knottiebb9249c02322c065knottiebb9249c02322c065 member
edited March 2023 in Infertility
Hi everyone. I had two successful IUIS in the past and have two boys. A two year old and a 1 year old. I am having thoughts on a third baby. However, we’d prefer a girl for family balancing. Has anyone else done this? This decision is consuming my life and I can’t take it anymore. I’m in my late 30s so time is running out. What helped you make this decision if you went through this? PS I did not choose my username :) Thank you.
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Re: IVF for 3rd baby/gender selection

  • 00kim0000kim00 member
    Personally, I wouldn't do it, mainly because I see every embryo I create as my child, and I'm not morally okay with destroying any. So first, I say you should make sure you're very comfortable with when you believe life begins, and consult any religious (as applicable) and scientific resources you can to make an informed decision about that; once you do this, you cannot undo it.

    In order to do gender selection, you need to do IVF- at least one egg retrieval, genetic testing, and frozen transfer. The cost is huge. If you're in the US, the egg retrieval and transfer typically cost about $20,000, plus the cost of medications. For reference, my medications for one egg retrieval and one frozen transfer were about $15,000. The genetic testing is an additional cost, usually in the thousands. If you have insurance, it may not cover any of this. It's not unusual for insurance to require proof that IUIs are unsuccessful for you before covering any IVF. You actually have proof of the opposite, so insurance would possibly only cover another (or a few more) IUIs. So first, make sure it's worth the tens of thousands of dollars to you.

    You also may only end up with male embryos. In that case, will you do another round, give up, or transfer a male embryo? Another round, of course, will double the cost.

    You'll also want to consider what you'll do with the male embryos. Are you okay with destroying them? You could also donate them anonymously through your clinic or in a manner more like adoption where you choose the parents (https://nightlight.org/snowflakes-embryo-adoption-donation/embryo-adoption/)

    I understand wanting to have a little girl, but it's a big decision. You could also foster, adopt, or adopt an embryo, of course, if you decide this option won't work for you.
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  • Knottie36708981Knottie36708981 member
    I'm in the exact same situation. We have two boys and I always knew I wanted a girl. I started thinking about IVF gender selection years ago when we found out our second was a boy. My husband has three brothers and his entire side of the family is boys. Boy cousins, grandsons, etc. So our odds of having a girl feels so low but IVF felt like our best chance. We finally decided to go for it this past month. I have PCOS and high AMH (above 6) so the odds felt good even though I am 35. I had my egg retrieval last week and had 42 follicles, 33 mature eggs, 26 fertilized. Today I found out that we have 10 embryos. It will be two weeks before we get genetic testing results back but statistics say we will probably have half of those be normal. So if we are lucky maybe one or two of the five will be a girl but it still feels like a long shot. I'm trying to stay hopeful without getting my hopes up. But I'm also sharing this because even with 42 follicles, we will be lucky to get enough healthy female embryos to make it work. Definitely something to consider depending on your situation. In general it's unlikely that it will be successful the first time. But I convinced myself it was still worth trying!

    For cost consideration- my husband and I both have infertility diagnoses so we are trying to get insurance to cover it but so far they denied it once and we appealed. Waiting on the appeal decision. They said I needed to have three failed IUIs first even though it is covered by my plan. So the clinic has had me pay out of pocket and will reimburse me if insurance comes through. So far it's cost about $13k including PGS, and the transfer - if we are lucky enough to get there - will be another $3k. I opened a new credit card that has 0 percent interest for 21 months and am just going to pay it off over time.

    Anyways, just wanted to share my full story in case it helps you visualize what could happen. If it's in your heart, go for it. If it's meant to be it will be! I'm definitely prepared for it to fail, but I would have always wondered what if.

    Also, I know it's highly controversial to do IVF for gender selection and I am probably opening myself up to judgement sharing this. But we are all just on our own journey and your post resonated with me so I wanted to share. Good luck!!
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  • blacksnowwblacksnoww member
    congrats on your babies. IVF for gender selection is forbidden in most countries. From what I remember it is allowed in Portugal and Cyprus. If you wish to find the clinics, you need to do your research. Fertilityclinicsabroad, if I am not wrong, lists clinics with gender selection. Doing your research will help you save time, as undergoing IVF with gender selection is not easy as standard IVF. Good luck 
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  • ivfmeerutivfmeerut member
    Navigating the decision of having a third child is a common struggle. Many have desired family balance but found that focusing solely on gender can be challenging. Reflect on your motivations, discuss with your partner, and evaluate your financial and lifestyle factors. Seek support from professionals and communities who've faced similar choices. Remember, each child is unique, regardless of gender. Consider your age-related fertility concerns, and take the time you need to make a decision that aligns with your family's well-being and happiness.
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  • nken20nken20 member
    It is always a choice. If you can afford it and have the support of your husband you can go for IVF with PGD or PGS testing. We had our treatment done in Cyprus at a clinic called Dunya IVF. It's cheaper there but the quality of service is great! Their ranking in high among clinics in Europe.
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  • knottie44ee00e7707c7a35knottie44ee00e7707c7a35 Just Joined
    Hi! Just reading this post & I’m curious to know what your outcome was?
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  • knottie3fbe8726ed989794knottie3fbe8726ed989794 Just Joined
    Hi there! Currently in the same situation. Wondering what you decided.
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  • knottie3fbe8726ed989794knottie3fbe8726ed989794 Just Joined
    Hi there! Wondering if you ended up getting a female? Currently in the same situation and deciding if IVF is right for me.
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  • littlestepsslittlestepss member
    knottie3fbe8726ed989794 said:
    Hi there! Wondering if you ended up getting a female? Currently in the same situation and deciding if IVF is right for me.
    Lately, there have been a few similar discussions in the IVFAbroad FB group that might give you some extra insights.
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