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Setting boundaries

nicademus20nicademus20 member
edited May 2022 in Families and Friendships
With the ever sky-rocketing prices for tiny spaces, my boyfriend and I are moving to be neighbors to his parents. They own farmland and are severing a lot for us to build upon. If all works out and the bank approves that, it would be nice but also a nightmare for me. 
His mom I already feel is going to be in my space every day to see her grandbaby. 
Picture it like the show "Everybody Loves Raymond" and it is what I am most certain it will be like. 
I love when it is just me and my little man, and my boyfriend, and not having any company. 
His mom is talking about retiring when we move there and "helping out with the baby" and I immediately wanted to say "no help needed". 
But didnt...and we'll be side by side, she'll be retired, ..and I'll want to spend my days alone with my little one.
My mom comes when I call her and it is only once a week or so and only a few hours to watch him whilst I catch up on sleep. She doesn't mind that amount of time though. 
But how to tell that to his mom, and if it turns out to be that situation. 

Have you had people you had to say "come over less" to? 
I know I should be grateful for the help she intends to give when/if we move there. 
But sometimes it's nice to just be you and baby, do you feel the same?
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Re: Setting boundaries

  • kelsnvinkelsnvin member
    I understand where you're coming from completely. My in-laws tell my husband and I when we need help, when they are coming over and that our house is never in good enough shape. They are also buying a lot of stuff for our baby that I know we wouldn't be able to afford on our own so I feel like I can't say no to them... A part of me can't help but wonder if that's why they buy things (we never ask for the things). My father-in-law in particular is a very hot headed, controlling, Jersey shore Italian. So, he has the shortest temper and loudest voice. I really don't want my baby to learn those behaviors if he forces his visits on us all the time. I LOVE my quiet time too. Gosh, what a tough spot to be in. If lived right next to them... I don't know what I would do.
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  • mummsquishmummsquish Just Joined
    You need to talk to your husband about this. You and him need to be on the same page, and he should be the one who puts his own mother in her place. You are not being unreasonable. She is grandma not 3rd parent. Set your boundaries firmly and unapologetically. She might not like them and throw a tantrum. What do we do when toddlers throw tantrums? We don't give in. This is where your husband needs to protect your family space and time. She is extended family now. You your baby and your husband are nuclear family. You deal with your side of the family, and he deals with his. To be honest I would never go into this living situation. Your happiness matters, and this seems like a recipe for disaster. Your husband took a vow to forsake all others. That means your feelings should be prioritized over his mothers.
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