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November 2023 Moms
knottiee3a565ac10d4d5f7
member
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Hello from a worried old Dad to be
knottiee3a565ac10d4d5f7
member
Hi all,
As there seems to be no community resources or support (that I can find) for expectant dads, here I am in moms to be group!
I am 50, and my wife is 48, and we are pregnant for the first time. (We met and married in our early 40s and have been trying) This is absolutely our one and only chance to be parents. My wife is currently 11w2d and right at this moment things seem to be relatively calm.
We had a hell of a scare at 9 weeks, ironically the day after our 9w obgyn appointment where all was reported well, with a strong heartbeat and on point measurement. We were delighted. The following day I got a call from my wife at work to say she was bleeding heavily and had lost her baby. When i arrived to pick her up, she was in such distress that it took all my strength to be positive and support her. While driving to an emergency appointment in the same room we had been in the day before (through Manhattan traffic) my wife told me she had the fetus wrapped up in a towel inside a bag she had on her lap. She though maybe the doctors could analyze it to see what went wrong. It was a horrific and traumatic drive.
An hour later, as the locum doctor was doing the transvaginal scan, he said 'I can see the baby'. About 30 seconds later he said he could hear the heartbeat, and we looked at the screen to see the baby, the heartbeat and the blood circulation. We cried. They were confused, disbelief, traumatized cries. It transpired that what my wife had wrapped in the towel was a blood clot the size of a mandarin orange. As non-medical people, we are still in disbelief, and dumbfounded how our baby could be fine after so much blood was discharged. The doctor said it happens, and it could happen again, but for now baby and everything else looked fine. It took us days of just laying on the couch watching mindless netflix to even start to process. Since then we are so nervous. We have the 12 week appointments in 4days, and we are sooo anxious.
Not sure why I shared all of this, and I apologize if i have unnecessarily scared anyone. It just feels cathartic to share it. I'm hoping it might give hope to anyone who has the misfortune to experience this. Those last seemingly hopeless lost causes and prayers that folks might cling to in such a situation, can sometimes come to pass.
We are still confused and anxious. The 12w scan is trying at the best of times, but knowing this happened since we last saw my wifes own obgyn is giving us added cause for concern. Monday is going to be sooo difficult and emotional. Praying for strength for my wife, and praying I have the strength to support her. Thanks for reading.
Sam
As there seems to be no community resources or support (that I can find) for expectant dads, here I am in moms to be group!
I am 50, and my wife is 48, and we are pregnant for the first time. (We met and married in our early 40s and have been trying) This is absolutely our one and only chance to be parents. My wife is currently 11w2d and right at this moment things seem to be relatively calm.
We had a hell of a scare at 9 weeks, ironically the day after our 9w obgyn appointment where all was reported well, with a strong heartbeat and on point measurement. We were delighted. The following day I got a call from my wife at work to say she was bleeding heavily and had lost her baby. When i arrived to pick her up, she was in such distress that it took all my strength to be positive and support her. While driving to an emergency appointment in the same room we had been in the day before (through Manhattan traffic) my wife told me she had the fetus wrapped up in a towel inside a bag she had on her lap. She though maybe the doctors could analyze it to see what went wrong. It was a horrific and traumatic drive.
An hour later, as the locum doctor was doing the transvaginal scan, he said 'I can see the baby'. About 30 seconds later he said he could hear the heartbeat, and we looked at the screen to see the baby, the heartbeat and the blood circulation. We cried. They were confused, disbelief, traumatized cries. It transpired that what my wife had wrapped in the towel was a blood clot the size of a mandarin orange. As non-medical people, we are still in disbelief, and dumbfounded how our baby could be fine after so much blood was discharged. The doctor said it happens, and it could happen again, but for now baby and everything else looked fine. It took us days of just laying on the couch watching mindless netflix to even start to process. Since then we are so nervous. We have the 12 week appointments in 4days, and we are sooo anxious.
Not sure why I shared all of this, and I apologize if i have unnecessarily scared anyone. It just feels cathartic to share it. I'm hoping it might give hope to anyone who has the misfortune to experience this. Those last seemingly hopeless lost causes and prayers that folks might cling to in such a situation, can sometimes come to pass.
We are still confused and anxious. The 12w scan is trying at the best of times, but knowing this happened since we last saw my wifes own obgyn is giving us added cause for concern. Monday is going to be sooo difficult and emotional. Praying for strength for my wife, and praying I have the strength to support her. Thanks for reading.
Sam
Re: Hello from a worried old Dad to be
I posted here because, despite it being 2023 and a digital world now, I have found zero support for dads to be. Yes, quite rightly, pregnancy is all about the mom. But on some level, obviously emotionally as opposed to physically, it is also a minefield of worry and new information for dads. But they dont seem to post or share anywhere.
My wife is doing fine for the past few days. She is positive and happy - talking about 'when' our baby is born instead of 'if'. I on the other hand, despite putting on a brave face for my wife, am feeling really anxious and stressed. This really is our unicorn chance.
As a footnote, and slightly off topic, it drives me crazy when I hear of fathers or fathers to be who are apathetic or negligent about their kid(s). I just dont understand it. I love this baby so much already and just hope everything goes smooth.
Wishing you all a happy and successful and smooth pregnancy and sending good vibes.
Sam
Second kid: Dec 2021
First kid: Sept 2019
We saw the baby, saw and heard the heartbeat, saw it move around like crazy! (Flipping and kicking!) We saw the 'butterfly' shape of the brain, which shows it is well formed. Baby size is on point for age. The nuchal showed no abnormalities. They said everything looked great.
However, there is still a mass of blood (which measures about 75% of the size of the baby sac. Doctors said the heavy bleeding could happen again. The body could 'reabsorb' it. Or it could just stay there until birth. But they said not to worry about it.
They are taking us back again at on May 22nd (16weeks)
Second kid: Dec 2021
First kid: Sept 2019
The hematoma (leftover from the heavy bleed at week 9) has decreased in mass by about 20%
Even though it was scary and obviously a stressful situation, it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard