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New Here and struggling

murphvillemurphville member
in Infertility
Hi all! My name is Emily and my husband and I have been trying for a baby since 2019. I don’t want this post to be a total downer, but I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so if this is not allowed please let me know and I’ll delete. We were diagnosed with male factor infertility in 2021 and started our first IUI with a donor in December 2022. Since the beginning we’ve used Letrozole and a trigger shot each time. Even with the added medicine, we’ve only been able to do three rounds of IUI so far. Unfortunately we’ve been unsuccessful so far, which has been really hard.

It seems like every time I am so hopeful during the period between the time of the procedure and when I am supposed to test. Unfortunately each time my period has come a few days before the test day and honestly wrecks me. It seems to just get harder emotionally each time it doesn’t work. Especially because I am typically an optimist and I want to think positively but it just seems to backfire and I get hopes up. Has anyone felt this too? How do you work through it? I don’t know how to be positive without setting myself up to be disappointed. Like I said I don’t have anyone to talk to because everyone just says it ok and you can try again. We really can’t though because donor sperm is SO expensive. It all feels very isolating.

Thank you all and sending you all good vibes!
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Re: New Here and struggling

  • 00kim0000kim00 member
    The roller coaster of emotions is SO HARD. I always felt like the more hope I had, the harder the crash when my period came. I tried therapy and support groups, which I know work wonders for some people (so try them if you haven't yet!), but only seemed to make it worse for me. My therapist discharged me because I wasn't "making progress". The support groups got depressing over the years as everyone else cycled out as they got pregnant, but I was still there. Ultimately for me, I had to stop hoping every month. Once I accepted that it most likely wasn't going to happen (probably about 5 years in), the roller coaster crashes weren't quite as bad. I was always low level sad, rather than hopeful then devastated, but that seemed more sustainable to me.

    What finally made me able to be happy again, at least sometimes, was turning to God. I don't know why He created me to desire children so much but not have any of my own. But I do know that He loves me and has good plans for me, so I devoted myself to Him and His will and plans for me. It didn't take the pain away, but it brought some purpose to it and to my life. I know God is good, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me doubt and bring me to the greatest crisis of faith of my life. I don't know if that's helpful for you and don't know if you're a believer, but that's the only way I survived.

    Hopefully some of that is helpful for you. You mentioned a couple of times having no one to talk to or feeling isolated, so maybe a support group would help with that. Some fertility clinics run their own, or you can find one through Resolve: https://resolve.org/get-help/find-a-support-group/
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  • sunshinescwsunshinescw Newbie
    Oh, this is such an insanely difficult place to be. I can feel your loneliness, pain, and isolation. I've been there too. I struggled with infertility for over 9 years and I felt so alone the entire time. I didn't have anyone around me that was experiencing anything close to what I was experiencing. Everyone around me was getting pregnant just thinking about it and always saying what they thought was supportive..."It'll happen, you just have to stop thinking about it", "Your young don't worry." "Just try and focus on something else.". No one knew what to say, no one understood and my sadness just grew and my hope began to dwindle. I scoured the internet to find hope in chat rooms or discussion boards and searching for the answer to why I wasn't getting pregnant.

    For me I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility although I knew my issues was my severe endometriosis. I went through years of testing and lots of surgeries and lots of money. I finally got pregnant with IUI and ovulation medication after about 5 years of working with the medical field to get pregnant. I struggled with secondary infertility as we tried to conceive another child. After 3 years of trying IUI, medication, surgeries and every intervention we could find locally, we had reach out to IVF and the closest clinic was 5 hours away. Once again, no one could understand where I was. No one around me had been through IVF or infertility and no one had endometriosis or had their body fail them month after month. I longed for a community to hold me up during this time. My marriage was struggling, I was losing any hope I had left, and the sadness was consuming me.

    I guess with all of this I can empathize with the severity of your pain, loneliness and loss of hope. If it feels at all supportive I am a mental health therapist that is starting up a small community online as a support system for women like you that feel alone, isolated, losing hope and needing support to keep going. If it feels like it could be supportive you can check out more information @ www.fertilityuplifted.com. Or you can reach out via my website or on this chat anytime. I'm sending you an embrace of support and empathy while you walk this lonely, scary, often hopeless path.
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