Community› The Bump Message Boards› 2nd Trimester
2nd Trimester
New Discussion

Unvaccinated family member

nptwonptwo member
edited February 2023 in 2nd Trimester
Hello! 

I wanted to see if anyone here has an unvaccinated family member (whether its covid or dtap) and they refuse to get it. How are you handling it? any tips? it feels like it should not be up for discussion and as an expecting mother, should not feel so stressed over this! I am thinking of letting them know if they want to be around my newborn they have to mask + test before they visit. I feel like that is a good compromise, right? Thanks for any info! 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Unvaccinated family member

  • knottiec1bd6c5399b4642aknottiec1bd6c5399b4642a member
    With my first, we only allowed people to be around her once they got their TDAP. If they didn't get it, they had to wait until she got her first dose. Luckily, all of our close family members got their COVID vaccines, but if they hadn't, we'd probably do the same.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • fertile-turtlefertile-turtle member
     I don’t have any very close family members who aren’t willing to get vaccinated/boosted for the chance to be around our baby, but that’s absolutely fair in my opinion. Of course, I’m also someone who required Covid vaccines to attend the indoor portions of my wedding, which was controversial for some family members, but it was the right move for us.

    We also plan to require casual visitors (as opposed to our parents, who will at different times come stay with us to help because we live too far away for frequent helpful visits) to wear masks around the baby for the first few months whether they’re vaccinated or not. That’s because RSV and flu are generally high in February when I’m due, and masks are so standard and common now that it’s a simple measure that other family and friends have used to keep their newborns healthy. Anyone who won’t put your baby’s health and safety above a very minor inconvenience doesn’t need to get priority visits.
    Report Reply
  • Knottie1433187098Knottie1433187098 member
    I have heard (from Emily Oster) that at this point in the pandemic having someone unvaccinated test the morning-of should be sufficient. 
    Report Reply
  • fertile-turtlefertile-turtle member
    @knottieThe rapid Covid tests are great at telling if you’re contagious, so a day-of test is solid prevention. But if they’re completely anti-vaccine, there are other vaccine-preventable respiratory illnesses like pertussis and flu that can’t be tested for at home before every visit. And yes, the flu vaccine has variable efficacy and isn’t the most preventive, but it’s still a layer of protection that isn’t there if someone refuses to get vaccinated. I don’t think requiring both a test and a mask, or even just a mask, is unreasonable.
    Report Reply
  • nptwonptwo member
    thank you everyone! 
    Report Reply
  • socalscisocalsci member
    My MIL is refusing to get the TDAP, because "I won't get baby sick". She lives with us, so I can't just say she can't visit if she won't get it, but I'm not sure what else I can do. She gets like this (very stubborn) about random things, and usually we let it go because that's just how she is, but I don't want to on this one. Anyone have a similar experience and how did it work out?
    Report Reply
  • knottiec1bd6c5399b4642aknottiec1bd6c5399b4642a member
    @socalsc I wonder if it would be helpful to have your OB or a doctor talk to her. Maybe you can give your OB a heads-up and then bring her to your next appointment?
    Report Reply
  • socalscisocalsci member
    @knottiec1bd6c5399b4642a That was one thought I had, I'm going to try to convince her to come to my next appointment next week. That won't be easy either, we've asked her to come to ultrasound appointments so she could see the baby, but she's refused every time, so I'm not sure she'll come to this one. 
    Report Reply
  • nptwonptwo member
    that makes total sense and you are right! thank you for sharing that
    Report Reply
  • nptwonptwo member
    sounds like lots of boundary issues with her! while I don't have the same issue with my MIL, there were things that we needed to set up rules with and we had to be very upfront about it. It might be scary at first but telling her this is what I need from you and if you can’t do it then I would take drastic steps. Just does not seem very fair of her if she is living with you and you have a newborn. 
    Report Reply
  • knottiec1bd6c5399b4642aknottiec1bd6c5399b4642a member
    I've had two different OBs with my two pregnancies and both brought up the importance of anyone spending a significant amount of time with baby getting the TDAP vaccine. My mother-in-law's primary care doctor brought one out to give her as soon as she heard she was going to be a grandma. 
    Report Reply
  • fertile-turtlefertile-turtle member
    @coldlife2 I partially agree, but I also think it’s ok to be hurt when people you love won’t take small steps (in this case, I mean masks not the vaccines) to be a part of your child’s life. You can respect that they’re holding their boundaries, too, while still being hurt by their priorities. 

    We’re anticipating a similar battle around my BIL’s 8 dogs, who are untrained and have bitten his wife 3 times in the last year. Clearly, the dogs can’t be allowed around babies and children if they’re untrained and have bitten adults, but that means we’ll be left holding some hard boundaries around family gatherings and which family dogs are allowed to visit our house. It is completely possible and honestly probable that they will choose their dogs over our child, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be hurt that those are their priorities.
    Report Reply
  • fertile-turtlefertile-turtle member
    @paytonpedro that’s true for both Covid and flu vaccines, although both do somewhat reduce your chances of getting and spreading Covid and flu if you’ve gotten this year’s flu shot and the recent Covid booster. DTaP, however, is very effective at preventing you from spreading pertussis, which is absolutely brutal for infants. And wearing a mask during visits is effective for all three plus RSV.
    Report Reply
  • sleepyhead003sleepyhead003 member
    edited October 2022
    I misread the post. Just give out guidelines and if people don’t follow it, they don’t get to be around your baby. Your baby, your rules. I don’t agree with what you are saying but I also don’t plan on letting barely anyone around my baby. Maybe once I’ve gotten more adjusted, but I just don’t really want other people around me in general, having a baby heightens that.
    Report Reply
  • betsbirdybetsbirdy member
    At this point after reading the INSERM study done in France and many other studies, I believe that the covid vaccine is worse for you than Covid. (Please watch the "Died Suddenly" documentary) Especially the more boosted. The FDA even just came out about HepB. We have not vaccinated any of our children since 2019. I was naive to trust the vigorous schedule they give infants. I highly suggest everyone do their own research on ALL vaccines. I'm not an antivaxxer. I just don't agree with the adult dosage for kids and infants, the amount they get in their young lives, and the reasoning for many of them. 1/3 of school parents are now demanding schools change their vaccine policies. 

    We cannot blindly trust big pharma any longer. I think anytime anyone tries to mandate or force a vaccine even with being able to be around someone, that it is a dangerous slope. 

    I have never and will never tell a loved one what to do to their body and deny them access to their loved one because of a choice they chose. I am just very careful with a newborn. I keep the house super tidy. Keep kids home from activities for a couple weeks. When people come to visit they wash hands regularly. You cannot have a bubble baby or control anything outside of yourselves. And stressing over it is not healthy. Easier said than done, I know. 

    Having freedom to choose in health is a huge blessing we all share. Respect eachothers choices. And always listen to all sides and opinions. I know I regret not doing so sooner. 

    If you breast feed, a vitamin D supplement for baby is a great addition. My doc never recommended. They have drops you can just put on your nipper before feeding the and the baby will get the dose. Breastmilk is lacking in vitamin D unlike formulas. This I truly believe helps with immunity for babe in those early days.

    Best of luck!!!
    Report Reply
  • betsbirdybetsbirdy member
    edited January 2023
    I've also never been told people should have certain vaccines around my infant. I jabe had 3 OBs. Of course do what you feel is right. You are your child's advocate. But I'd truly truly study it all. Come at it from an unbiased side. Not being able to sue a vaccine producer is a huge red flag for me as well. When they made that law the schedule increased. I do not believe in coincidences. 

    I have never had a severely vax injured kid, but one son did have a severe rash we could never get rid of, until we stopped getting vaccines. They said he was allergic to everything under the sun in an allergy test. So we changed diets. We wouldnt allow dogs near him or inside. The rash stayed the same or even worsened with each procaution. So we stopped vaccines as I was realizing it really flared up and was swollen and painful for him around each vaccine time. And as I'm sure many know sensitivity in skin is correlated with allergies and asthma. So maybe he was allergic to an ing? But no doc ever wanted to get to the bottom of it so we just halted until he is older. 

    What is right for one kid or family is not always right for another. We must all be accepting in this even when we disagree. That is the beauty of the brain and each person's experience. But for too long moms who have spoken about vaccine issues have been called crazy. That is not OK. Listen to all mothers. What happened to one of your kids may not be the same as the next. I am guilty of assuming this of mothers who spoke out early on about things they noticed. I'm so ashamed of myself for that and refreshed that I am no longer so narrow-minded. 
    Report Reply
  • bellefleursauvagebellefleursauvage member
    edited January 2023
    @jangojo , I’m sorry but how are you qualified to be giving out advice about breast feeding and vaccinations. Are you in your second trimester? As your profile says you’ve been on the app for 6 years I am guessing no. I don’t care how you feel about breastfeeding or vaccines, that is not what this thread is asking and you are not supposed to be giving medical advice. Go back to 4chan groyper and stop telling women what to do. 
    Report Reply
  • WishilivedinfloridaWishilivedinflorida member
    Yikes on bikes then. An embarrassment to the profession. A propaganda video is totes not research. 

    You do you girl, but don’t spew this stuff here, especially misinformation about vaccines that vulnerable people will read and take as gospel. And don’t hide behind RN credentials to make yourself seem credible when you are not. 

    And you didn’t link any studies. Would love to see these studies that support your claims and see if they hold up to scientific rigor and have sound methodology.  

    Please everyone, consult with your providers about vaccines, don’t look here for advice. While people are well-meaning, I think, some of the stuff they say could be dangerous or wrong. 
    Report Reply
  • betsbirdybetsbirdy member
    Many providers are proving dangerous and wrong. That's why I didn't tell anyone to do anything but fully research themselves. Not to just follow blindly. 

    As you see before I didn't mention my credentials as to me they mean very little. The new RNs coming in can barely do IVs well. I get called all over to run a darn IV. It's terrifying. The future of Healthcare is absolutely terrifying. As someone who has seen the old heads do their work and retire. The new as the old have said are not up to par. My retired colleagues say all the time they pity for us and for when we need healthcare. It won't be the same as it was. But hey that's just from their and my experience. 

    The FDA even came out and has said the vaccines cause blood clots. Especially teamed with the flu shot. 

    When pregnant we can't eat lunch meat, certain cheeses, take most meds. Tylenol even now they are saying causes problems even though previously they recommended it as completely safe. We are not supposed to ingest things but hey take this vaccine? Seems strange. 
    Same with a newborn and an infant. Can't take meds, can't eat certain things, but here is a man's dose of a vaccine in which you will receive multiple in the next months? 

    I agree everyone should do what they think is best. I am just saying from that what is best is not always what your doc has prescribed or suggests. Most the time yes, but not always. Do your own leg work. 

    See thalidomide babies. Mothers were told take this for morning sickness. And look what happened to their poor babies. This went on for years before being stopped. 

    This new vaccine is new. We don't know the outcomes. Seems irrational to spew hatred to someone simply warning people to do their due diligence on this vaccine especially, but all vaccines. 

    HepB for instance. Why is that given day one? My infant will not be sexually active, nor around anyone infected. Why is this a day 1 vaccine. We don't live in filth. Just seems odd. And again the FDA just came out with concerning info about this vaccine as well.

    There is 1 Doctor and he is ALL Doctors. 

    None of this is propaganda. If it goes against what you believe then all good. You do you boo. 😉
    But it is good to let others know that the concerns of the ones who have withheld from getting this vaccine and have not gotten their children vaccinated on schedule are not crazy people. Are your neighbors, are your coworkers, are your sisters. We are just like you. We just see an issue differently and it's safe to feel that way. I wish I had known more people or had people who I knew who spoke about this more openly when I started having children. 

    So I will be that person for anyone out there concerned. You can never remove a vaccine. You can always get one later. 

    That's all. Just do your due diligence and research all you can. You'd be amazed how many healthcare workers don't vaccinate their own children and who haven't gotten the covid vaccine. We are just not allowed to talk about it. Odd isn't it? The hate one side gets is insane. I don't hate you for your choice. I don't feel myself above you because of my choice. I just hope people see they do have a choice. Even with the hate you will receive for choosing differently. Different strokes for different folks. 

    Whatever you choose, I wish you ALL the best and hope you have happy healthy babes. Safe deliveries with quick recoveries. 
    Report Reply
  • WishilivedinfloridaWishilivedinflorida member
    Sigh. 

    So no links to peer reviewed studies that back up your claims. Ok. Actually no links at all for any of your assertions. 

    Sorry, I don’t see any scary stuff from the FDA about hep B. Just so you know, moms who are asymptomatic can pass hep B to their newborn at birth. Not every mom has been vaccinated before and may be asymptomatic. Undiagnosed infection can lead to cirrhosis, liver cancer, and death. Despite our best efforts, about 1,000 infant cases are diagnosed annually in this country. That’s why it’s recommended at birth. Even a cursory google search will pull this information up, and it’s easily found on the AAP site. 

    The Died Suddenly “documentary” is propaganda. Full stop. 

    I’m not against making informed decisions. But I will trust immunologists and virologists to do their very complicated job and not getting my medical info from non scientific social media/internet and considering that somehow better than what these people have dedicated their lives to studying. I recommend speaking with people who have great knowledge and authority in the subject matter. 

    New is scary, I get it. But thank god we have ongoing studies by all kinds of places and centers all the time so we can make the best decisions with our healthcare providers. 

    Food for thought, are you going to request a c section so your baby doesn’t get exposed to all your vaginal flora? How do you know what “dose” of all those microbes are shooting in their nose and mouth and eyes? 

    I’m not going to convince you, and that’s ok. But I don’t want someone stumbling on this and go down the same conspiracy/propaganda rabbit holes you obviously have and think if it was good enough for a nurse then it’s good enough for them. 
    Report Reply
  • betsbirdybetsbirdy member
    Sigh. 🙄
    No links from you either. I'm not here to share links I just popped in to say research yourselves. Pfizer has been caught red handed time and time again. Bill Gates a non doc non scientist, a big nothing is heading these projects. He is injecting MRNA in our beef. He is a population control person. And we are allowing him to "inform" the public. India wont allow him over there. Why?
    Fauci failed with aids. And with this. We allow gain of function and a man mutated virus paid for by the people who are "fixing" the problem to head stuff? That's just insane. 

    I don't do propaganda I do follow science. 
    Yes if the mother has it then definitely the baby needs to be protected against it. Kinda the whole part of do your research and what is right for one is not right for another.  

    I have seen the blood clots up close and personal. The ones like the coroners are finding. I know it is not propaganda. Have you seen them? Have you ever seen a normal blood clot? Our coroner here is an elected position. He came out immediately about all this and even in the beginning when they said this many in town had died and he said well I never had to check this box before. Not one has died of covid alone. Most of cancer or heart disease but tested positive for covid. And one died in a car accident and had covid. He told the public to calm down. What a refreshing thing to read pregnant in the height of this to know it was being misconstrued at paperwork level. More people should have been honest and spoke out like he did in the very beginning. We would not be where we are now. 

    No I'm a naturalist. My babies have all been exposed to my flora. Many who get cesarean actually request the vaginal flora be smeared on baby's face so they have the natural exposure. I did time as a labor and delivery nurse. This is a thing. But what do I know?

    The FDA has posted their stuff on these look there. INSERM is a French study done about shedding and how swapping saliva and even sex can spread the MRNA to the unvaccinated recipient. They only had 2 weeks post injection due to budgeting. But the levels did not go down in that 2 weeks. The whole shedding theory was considered misinformation, but has now been proven. So we don't know how long that continues. It was done around the globe not just in France. It is an unbiased research group dedicated to human health. Not in big pharmas pockets which is refreshing and not involved in any antivaxx opinions either. Also refreshing. Google is a very biased search engine. But you know all about propaganda so I'm sure you know that, yet still site it. Haha 

    And even with the studies being done new is new and we don't know 5 years out ramifications nor do we know 10 years out. I have had many people die at the 4-6 month mark post vax or booster. Not one person I know has died of covid itself. My Grandpa is currently on his deathbed and got the shot 5 months ago. He was running cattle just 2 months ago. He declined so fast and without warning. And is otherwise healthy. It attacks the recipient where weak. Why heart problems have increased and these aggressive cancers have also increased. 6 people I know have had a cancer diagnosis and died within the week. All vaccinated 5 months prior. 

    If I got the vaccine I'd be terrified. And I believe much of the anger and hostility toward the ones who said no is the fact that more is coming out. They will end the Covid "pandemic" in May. Finally and I believe a lot will come out as vaccines made under the emergency law will have to go through more trials. As they should have immediately. I am not politcal, I am not someone who ever thought I'd feel this way about the field I have dedicated MY life to. But here I am. I appreciate everyone's experience and thoughts. Which is why I wanted to voice mine as they may seem unique to someone out of the medical loop but majority of the medical folks I know who were forced to get the vaccine are scared, angry, and just disappointed in themselves and the field they have devoted their lives to. 

    Again this is just my own opinion based off credible studies and colleague's experiences. I am now on a more holistic healthcare journey. 

    We all failed soo miserably with this whole psyop that the next will be even worse. As Pfizer and Gates have warned us. 

    But navigating it with choice while we can is essential even if you do choose to go with big pharma. You choose that. I choose to not let people who are essentially drug pushers choose my future. 

    When you go to the doc and tell them you have migraines, what do they do? Try to prescribe a migraine medication. When you say no, I want to figure out the source of the migraines they get some act right. You have to not follow blindly. How many times have you heard people say my doc didn't listen. I had this and this wrong and he could have diagnosed it then? Often for me but probably because of my experience. We must strive for healthier habits, healthier remedies. Less medications.

    And again the testing has changed for docs and lawyers. Which is absolutely tragic and will affect us all in the long run. 

    I don't even know what 4chan is btw. To the lovely name calling lady. I did not link on here as this was just an opinion and didn't feel the need to. I love stuff to be sourced but figured I'd get flagged for linking things as that tends to happen. I suggest everyone look into the Twitter files that are continually being released. They are very eye opening about the propaganda that has been allowed as fact in these times. And how a very biased group has brainwashed the masses on what is mis and dis information. Kinda like what Google does. Why they are not a credible source. But anyone who knows how the search engine works, knows that. 

    Propaganda come in all ways. You just have to be able to see through it. I still very much believe in most vaccines. I still very much so believe majority of Healthcare workers are good. I still believe in my fellow countrymen. I do have my doubts about the ones who are getting rich off of all this. Especially when they created the mess in the first place. 

    But mamas you do have a choice in whether to get vaccinated. In whether to get your child vaccinated and when. Even when you are told they will need it for school. You always have a choice. And never feel pressured into it. Like I said you can never take it back but you can always get it in the future.

    And just because I disagree with many of you, I still respect you decisions, which I can see is not reciprocated. How little some people are. Where you go low I go high. 😘
    Report Reply
  • thoseboysmamathoseboysmama member
    It is your choice in who you allow around your baby. It's your decision and everyone will have to respect it as you will have to respect their decision to get it or not.

    I agree to pretend it is 2019 and act as you would then. Best wishes!
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"