Mother in law being stressful

knottiea367b6518052781d · November 2022

First off I want to say hi my name is Crystal me and my husband are pregnant with our fourth kid the other 3 our boys and this is our first girl as of lately my mother-in-law as pain in my ass she won't butt out of our marriage and it's stressing me out I don't want to stress but as of lately she's been pushy and won't listen to anything I say she won't stay out of me and my husband's arguments even though we live in our own place he'll sit there and call her and complain instead of talking it out with me and it's stressing me I don't want to get stressed out as if my kids see me stressed out they all start crying and don't need that but she she won't stop she keeps telling me that if you wanted to she can end our marriage just by telling my husband to end it with me and as of lately I'm getting fed up with it I been holding my tongue not saying things that I want to say I just really need help I've been stressed and I have nobody to talk to I need to know what to do

00kim00 · November 2022

Your problem isn't your MIL, it's your husband. He's the grown man calling his mom to complain and you think he's willing to end your marriage just based off his mom's suggestion. If that's true and he's putting his mom before his wife, he may not be mature enough for marriage. But that ship sailed a long time ago, so at this point, it's time to focus on your marriage. Do whatever you can to convince your husband to go to couples counseling; you two need to learn to deal with your own conflicts. And once your husband sees that he needs to put his wife before his mom, then he can learn to step up and deal with her- when she tries to talk to you about your relationship, exit the conversation and have your husband talk to her about staying out of it (not possible now because he's the problem, bringing her into it, but hopefully you'll get to the point where he can do it). Take your focus off of your MIL and onto the real problem. Don't let her stress you out, you didn't marry her!

knottie3c1b6f2643dda6e3 · January 2023

100% agree with 00Kim00.

glowingmama · January 2023

I also agree with 00Kim00. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s definitely very stressful. I’ve been through a lot of emotional and mental abuse with mine. In my case, she gaslighted me a lot. In front of people I was her beautiful daughter. I would get tons of affection and gifts. When no one was watching I was a nobody and the bad treatments would start. I kept a lot in until I started taking it out on my husband. This is YOUR marriage. You and your husband handle things in house and he should not bring in a 3rd person.

Communication is crucial, have a talk with your husband. Things didn’t change until I told him what I was living. My husband was very supportive and protective of me but it really upset my MIL and things got nasty for a couple of months. We both participated in therapy to heal from all the damage and trauma she caused us. We had the ability to move to a different city because we needed that space to protect our marriage and now our growing family. But a lot came down to my husband to enforce the boundaries. In 20 months I have only seen her once. Just her voice alone will make me shake and go into panic mode. We haven’t disclosed our pregnancy to her to protect our marriage and baby. My husband travels to see her but I do not. Set those boundaries and stick to them.

glowingmama · January 2023

I just want to clarify, I don’t mean to set the same boundaries as we did.

Set the boundaries you and your husband feel are the best to protect your marriage and family and stick to those.

Mother in law being stressful

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