Postpartum Depression
knottie774cdb3f6f058630
member
Postpartum depression/psychosis, my story
knottie774cdb3f6f058630
member
I’d like to tell you all my story about postpartum depression and psychosis so you will know something about it and get help if it happens to you.
I had a great first pregnancy, but after the baby was born I just didn’t feel happy. I felt myself feeling more and more down until I started thinking of suicide. I’ve suffered from cycles of depression all my life and I knew what it was, so I went to my doctor and he prescribed Zoloft. I took it and felt SO much better after that. I wish I had started it even sooner.
So when my second pregnancy came around, I told my OB my history and said I thought we should be prepared this time. It was a hard pregnancy and I felt pretty down a lot of the time, partly because I had morning sickness for almost six months straight. I felt so sick all day long, there were days I just cried. Fortunately I began to feel better at about six months. After the birth, though (which went very well), within two days I felt myself sliding into an unmistakable depression. I went straight to the doctor and told him I needed an antidepressant. He prescribed me a low dose of Prozac, because I wanted to nurse the baby.
The Prozac helped, but not totally. However, I wanted to keep nursing, and I thought because I was taking Prozac I couldn’t really be that depressed. I was so wrong. Again, I started to feel suicidal. I started cutting on my skin, which I had never done before in my life. (I was 35.) I started becoming paranoid that evil things were hiding in the closets and that inanimate objects were looking at me. I didn’t know what this was or why it was happening. I knew that I needed to see a psychiatrist, but we lived in a very rural area and there were so few psychiatrists available, I couldn’t get an appointment for three months. So I just kept on putting one foot in front of the other and hoping it would get better. At about 10 months after the birth, my daughter stopped nursing. In the next three days, as my hormones changed, the TV started talking to me. It scared me to death. I couldn’t function. My husband called the psychiatrist I had an appointment with and he said to take me to the hospital.
I was hospitalized for two weeks, during which time my baby learned to walk. When I came out I was on a number of anti-psychotic and anti-depressants. But they weren’t quite the right thing, and so I had to go back to the hospital multiple times, and work with a psychiatrist until we got some meds that helped. Because I had waited so long to get help, the consequences were severe. And because I had had such a total psychotic break, the condition became permanent. This is VERY rare, but it happens. I will have to be on anti-psychotic and anti-depressant medication the rest of my life. I had to quit my teaching job, which I dearly loved, and I’ve gained 100 pounds on the meds, which frequently cause weight gain. The weight gain alone has caused all kinds of problems and kept me from doing the things I used to do.
So, ladies, the moral of the story is, if you start feeling depressed, GET HELP. Don’t think you can just pull yourself up by the bootstraps or snap out of it, because you can’t. You can’t pray it away or do more yoga. It’s hormonal. It’s chemical. If the medication your doctor gives you doesn’t work, go back and talk to him again. And if you’re experiencing depression, look up symptoms of postpartum psychosis so that if it happens to you, you will know what it might be. This is NOT common, but it does happen to some women, especially if you have a history or family history of mental illness. Don’t make the mistake I did and let it go until it was a crisis situation. It’s not your fault! It’s your hormones and your changing body doing a number on your brain, and you can do something about it. Please go. Talk to someone. Don’t let it go, like I did.
Take care, ladies, and best wishes to each of you for a healthy pregnancy, in body and mind.
Re: Postpartum depression/psychosis, my story
it seemed the doctor didn't want to help me just band-aid it with zoloft.
Although it is hard to say what I need aside from a time machine or a miracle that could have changed the entire situation.
It's been 5 months today actually, since my little one has been born. I cried numerous times today, like many days. Mainly situational, but some just happen. Sleep deprivation..nerves, anxiety, anger, etc.
Your story does make me want to reconsider the help that zoloft may provide. Also why I read this mainly is for that feeling I have of being alone in these thoughts..very much thank you for sharing your story.