IF Testing and Treatment w/o Jan 9

britters314 · January 2023

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have started infertility testing and/or treatments. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on infertility. TTC can be a long journey naturally, then add in the difficulties associated with infertility, and it becomes a whole new ballgame. The road to infertility can be lonely, frustrating, and complicated, so let's make this a place where we can vent, ask questions, and support one another. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this as an ongoing conversation.

Diagnosis (if you've been):

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched):

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?):

How are things going?:

Any questions?:

GTKY: What is your favorite book?

bearmomma1 · January 2023

Diagnosis (if you've been): retired ovaries, LPD

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): TI

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): nothing, just the good ol' HIO

How are things going?: They're changing... put into a spoiler in case it's TL;DR.

I've had a major revelation that I'm still processing. I haven't even brought it up to my H yet and I'm not sure why. I guess because I'm still processing it all. I think I've decided I don't want to do IVF with DE. For the last 2 years all I've been focused on is having a baby..to heal myself and my family and to complete what I thought we needed as a family. I don't think I want to do this anymore. I'm tired of putting my life on hold for all the "what if I'm pregnant then" or "what if we have a newborn then". It's been 2 years of this. I'm coming to peace with what our family looks like now and I won't be moving forward with any more infertility treatments. I have a big stock of progesterone to last me a few more cycles, and I'll use that until it's all out. And then I think we'll nwave the white flag of TTC. It's an insanely huge monumental decision that I'm still processing, but I'm ready to be 'done' trying. I'm exhausted and ready to focus on other things, like planning vacations and going for the next promotion that I've been avoiding because 'what if I'm pregnant and/or have a newborn and won't have the energy'. I'll still be on here participating here and there, but I think once the progesterone runs out, my time here will run out as well. Of course I don't think I'll ever be done 'stalking' and cheering everyone on until I don't recognize any names. This sorta feels like a graduation post..and I guess it will be like that, just graduating on to something else.

Any questions?: nope

GTKY: What is your favorite book? I love the Harry Potter series. I just finished reading The Midnight Library, and I LOVED it. It was well timed for my recent revelations in life and was a very good read. I highly recommend it.

mambo5-2 · January 2023

Diagnosis (if you've been): RPL, MFI and Possible Funky Blood

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): Natural Cycle

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): First Natural Cycle after H's surgery.

How are things going?: It's going. H thought he had an SA on Friday. I was like no dear its not for a whole month. We went through tons of papers and wife was right is in February.

Any questions?: Nope

GTKY: What is your favorite book?
I just love books. SO MANY BOOKS. I like YA and Romance Novels. GROWN UP!

@bearmomma1 HUGS my friend. I completely respect where you are coming from and don't fault you for wanting to be done.

anniemarie887 · January 2023

*lurking* @bearmomma1 i completely understand and respect where your heart is on this

sending you a massive hug

gingermama29 · January 2023

*lurking*

@bearmomma1 hugs friend. This journey is so hard and takes such a toll both physically and mentally. I certainly understand where you’re coming from with wanting to be done. Sending best wishes!

maggiemadeit · January 2023

*lurking*

@bearmomma1 Just wanted to send you some love. Wishing you all the promotions, all the vacations, and all the peace as you move forward. Hugs ❤️

optimistgardener · January 2023

@bearmomma1 i know where you're at and i think, as strange as it feels, that there is real strength in reaching a decision like that. we're not quite in the same places but i decided for myself that if neither of my two embryos sticks, i am done. it feels very grounding to know what the limits are, and to know there will come a point where you can return to all the other priorities and loves and needs of your life, each of which deserves your attention and energy.

anniemarie887 · January 2023

*lurking* @optimistgardener when is your next check? i'm over here excitedly waiting for your xfer day

optimistgardener · January 2023

@anniemarie887 whoops i guess i better do my check-in, lol!

@mambo5-2 i love calendar arguments because i almost always win

Diagnosis (if you've been): petrified ovary

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): FET

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): currently shooting up lupron and estradiol valerate in prep for a Jan 20 transfer.

How are things going?: My e2 level for my blood draw last friday was a little low (196) so the clinic had me bump my estradiol dose and this morning's draw was better (261) and the clinic nurse seems happy with it but i can't seem to find any solid info as to what the preferred range should be by this point. i know that probably the most important thing is going to be learning what my lining looks like but i'm worried that it might be thin since it took me so long to respond to the estradiol. last transfer, my lining was pretty borderline. i don't have the info in front of me but i think it was at like 7.2. I had a nice plush lining during all of my ERs this summer, up in the 9-10 range, but i suspect it will be thinner than that when i go in for my friday proliferation check.

Any questions?: anyone got any good data on e2 levels before FET?

GTKY: What is your favorite book?

Like everyone else, kinda all the books. here's a handful: Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin, Big Rock Candy Mountain by Wallace Stegner (and really anything by either of these authors), Tolkein's Lord of the Rings, etc.

acleverusername · January 2023

*lurking*

@bearmomma1 girl…. That’s a BIG, BOLD, and BRAVE decision. I got chills reading your spoiler. 🫂

@optimistgardener data: https://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(20)30117-5/fulltext#secsectitle0030
But yes, lining will be an uber important aspect. Good luck on Friday!

mokamonster · January 2023

@bearmomma1 it takes a lot of strength and self-understanding to know when it's too much. I'm wishing you the best in your future, whatever it holds for you

@mambo5-2 sounds like an everyday conversation I have with my H lol

@optimistgardener good luck on your transfer!

Diagnosis (if you've been): Unclear, DOR, Hashimoto's

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): IUI

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Just taking progesterone and waiting at this point

How are things going?: I'm trying to stay distracted by cleaning/organizing the house before Chinese New Year on the 22nd. My in-laws will come over and they've never really been to our condo since we moved in. The distraction is clearly not working because I've solidified 5 baby name choices with middle names even. I feel a little crazy sometimes

Any questions?: not today

GTKY: What is your favorite book? I love classics and I love a shocking ending. I would say 1984 would have to be my favorite book still. The Giver is a nice quick read, too

optimistgardener · January 2023

thanks @acleverusername! no one else here probably cares rn but just for posterity: i also found this study, also recently published, that doesn't show the same drop-off below 300pg/ml. slightly larger dataset. instead they're worried about folks w/ levels above 500.

@mokamonster our brains are our worst enemy, ugh.

sunshine134 · January 2023

@bearmomma1, I think you are very strong to be making this decision. Good luck to you!

@mambo5-2, good luck with your natural cycle!

@optimistgardener I hope your FET goes well!

@mokamonster I know exactly what you mean. I have been trying hard to keep myself distracted, but I'm finding it impossible to really focus on anything!

Thank you to EVERYONE for the kind words last week. I really appreciated it!

Diagnosis (if you've been): High Estrogen, Low AMH, Anovulatory Cycles

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): I guess it would be considered NTNP right now. We're still thinking about the info we got last week.

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Nothing. Thinking...

How are things going?: Not great. I've been pretty down since the appt. It's also winter in WI which always gets me depressed. Overall, I'm just sad. I've also started to move on to mad, which is new. I'm mad that I didn't make different decisions when I was younger, and that my husband was so against TTC for so long. I feel like if we started earlier maybe things would have been different. I know I can't change the past, but it angers me.

Any questions?: No.

GTKY: What is your favorite book? I love to read. I love the book Angels and Demons by Dan Brown, that probably my favorite along with that series. I also loved Harry Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games and a lot of the YA novels.

mokamonster · January 2023

@sunshine134So much is out of our control but affects every part of us. I hope you're able to take some time alone to process everything this week

optimistgardener · January 2023

hi @sunshine134. i hear you on the sad to mad thing, although i don't have a partner to be mad at, just myself and some academic mentors from grad school who discouraged my stopping to think about what i wanted outside of a doctoral degree (the exact language was something like "whatever you do, don't get pregnant while you're in grad school"). you're right that there is no fixing the past. still, within limits, i think being angry about the circumstances you find yourself in now can be helpful. anger is an emotion with a lot of energy in it. so you can turn that energy towards things that are changeable in the present. it sounds like you and YH may benefit from some serious conversations, maybe even mediated with a therapist, about why you made the decisions you made when you were younger. try to give younger you (and maybe younger yh) a bit of grace, though. we didn't know what it would feel like to be the ages we are now (and i'm looking up your intro post now---you're only 35! i'm optimistic that you've got time on your side, even with some funky hormonal stuff happening), and you had all kinds of other priorities that were and are also important parts of your life.

sunshine134 · January 2023

@optimistgardener, thank you for your response. It's so true and I appreciate it.

@mokamonster Thank you!!!

mambo5-2 · January 2023

@optimistgardener FX for a good transfer, my lining was poopy and that was part of why my FET was cancelled way back in July and then I never did another prep because life happened.

@sunshine134 SAD is so freaking real. From Nov 1 - May 1 my mood is poopy. My bipolar butt does not do winter well. I'm so sorry you are here friend and hope you can find the support and love that these wonderful humans give.

optimistgardener · January 2023

checking in with my endometrial lining #s. I'm right at the cutoff for what they want to see which is 7mm (she said it varies in thickness with some parts a little below and some a bit above), just like last time around. but they want me to move forward for a transfer next friday so i guess that is what we will do. the largest study on this shows no appreciable statistical difference in success rates for linings over 7 up to 10mm on frozen transfers so i'll hold onto that.

bearmomma1 · January 2023

@optimistgardener eeeeps! One week from today! and your lining still has time to grow over the next week, correct?

bearmomma1 · January 2023

also, hit post too soon.

@mokamonster good luck staying distracted! when are you testing?

@sunshine134 All your feelings are valid and sound so familiar. I was mad at myself though, because I delayed in TTC for so long. And then I got mad at my mom because she apparently went through menopause early and never gave me the heads up or anything. Like hello, at least tell me to get my shiz checked so maybe I could've frozen all my affluent supply of healthy eggs 10 years ago.

inthewoods23 · January 2023

*lurky loo*
@optimistgardener GL with your transfer!! FWIW, we have had a couple IF grads in the past who had lining thicknesses below 7mm and had successful transfers!

optimistgardener · January 2023

thanks for the good vibes @inthewoods23 and also 👋 hi!!! always nice to see you lurking.
@bearmomma1 usually what happens is that once someone starts taking progesterone (calendar has me begin sunday) the lining will actually compact a bit. but the measurement all the studies are based on is 1 day prior to start of pio, which is technically tomorrow for me so maybe i'll gain a couple fractions of a millimeter overnight, haha.

gingermama29 · January 2023

*lurking*

@optimistgardener yay for a transfer next week!! Sending you all the positive vibes!

anniemarie887 · January 2023

*lurkedy lurk*

@optimistgardener crossing every fiber in my body for you friend!!

mokamonster · January 2023

@optimistgardener wishing you a smooth transfer next week!

@bearmomma1 I was planning to wait until Monday (13dpo), then we need to do a blood test on Tuesday to confirm to stop progesterone. But my inlaws are coming over today and I know they will ask about it, so I took a test today (11 dpo). Bfn of course.

Venting in spoiler about inlaws

Anyone experienced issues with unsupportive relatives? We original didn't tell my in-laws about using art, but decided that we should tell them. They are the ones that give us so much pressure to conceive, like sending me videos of babies regularly. Infertility is very shameful in Chinese culture, as so in most. When we finally told them yesterday, my MIL started going on about how we shouldn't have done it and if we just BDed more, we would get pregnant. My H tried his best to explain to her everything the doctor said, but it didn't matter. She used an example of someone she knows who was TTC for 10 years naturally and finally succeeded, so we just need to try more. She even started blaming me, saying it's because I change my underwear too frequently and shower/pee after BDing. I couldn't say anything and was just on the verge of tears. Then, after going on about how shameful it is, she said that if it works, it's good. I just feel very defeated and needed a place to vent. Being in our mid-twenties, all of our friends are actively trying not to have children, so I can't really share these things with them.

Also, my inlaws are kind people, they just are from rural China and have little knowledge about medical practices.

optimistgardener · January 2023

@mokamonster re the inlaws i am so, so sorry.

bearmomma1 · January 2023

@mokamonster wooah. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I'm familiar with asian culture and how they feel they can just say anything regardless of how you feel. I hope you can separate that and their comments and try not to take them personally. ugh,

maggiemadeit · January 2023

*lurking*

@optimistgardener Rooting for you and hoping it all goes just perfectly next week!

@mokamonster I’m so sorry. Cultural differences aside, that’s really shitty and you don’t deserve that.

anniemarie887 · January 2023

*more lurking*

@mokamonster I’m just so sorry for their treatment toward you, that’s totally uncalled for.

mokamonster · January 2023

Inlaws came over yesterday and were oddly much more open-minded to it along with other life choices we have made. I have no clue what made them change their minds, but glad something did!

sunshine134 · January 2023

Happy Monday, all! Can someone please explain how to add a spoiler to a post? Thanks!

legallykate · January 2023

***lurker and TW IVF success***

@optimistgardener my lining was between 6 and 7 when I had my successful transfer. Crossing everything for yours!

optimistgardener · January 2023

thank you @legallykate! i appreciate you sharing your experience.

elle-0409 · January 2023

@optimistgardener Lurking to say good luck with your upcoming transfer! I am sending you every positive thought, vibe, etc. and endless hugs. You are amazing.

optimistgardener · January 2023

thanks @elle-0409. y'all lurkers are the best people.

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