Monday bitch fest?

hitcj4687 · December 2022

Conversations been slow around here so thought maybe I'd start a thread and allow people to vent about holiday stresses! For those who celebrate Christmas, it is finally over. How did it go? Surprisingly it was really good for us! I was exhausted by the end of the night but hosting was a success! And my mother in law was only mildly annoying, so that's a win. My complaint is coming back to work today, we had a pipe burst over the weekend and the office is flooded. Yet I still have to be here. How did everyone else's Monday back to work go if you had to go back today?

kalesix3 · December 2022

@hitcj4687 that's so criminal. I can't believe they'd force someone to work in an office with burst pipes. The day after Christmas no less. What a nightmare.

My rant is that my MIL bought the damn KitchenAid. And not just a regular size one but the giant professional one. My SO apologized saying that MIL went behind my back to him about it and he felt too bad to tell her I meant what I said.
Which is worse. I wouldn't be mad if she surprised me unexpectedly with one, it would be annoying because she should know by now we have no space, but what pisses me off is she went behind my back and deliberately did something I told her repeatedly not to.
I haven't opened up the box so I'll just chuck it in our storage unit and consider it a housewarming gift for someday when we find our house.
My SO came through big time though and got me so many amazing gifts that were so special and exactly what I wanted so my Christmas wasn't ruined entirely but it sucks to be so disrespected.
Her Christmas was ruined because a lesbian couple in the family that she hates got engaged on Christmas and because she's homophobic trash she got mad and has to start spouting religious nonsense to make herself feel better. What a wonderful life she must lead being so hateful all the time.

ReadyForaB · December 2022

I have been MIA around here lately. Life is so busy.

@kalesix3 I have a mother in law like that! I try not to sound like a spoiled brat when I complain about her over the top gestures but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!! My most recent story with her is that I specifically told her not to buy my son pokemon cards bc we got him a ton for Christmas. She watched him like a week before Christmas and my husband got home before me and texted me "don't get him any more pokemon cards, my mom bought him like 500". She took him to target a week before Christmas and got him 500 pokemon cards!!!! I was FUMING. Why do they feel the need to do these things?!

pttomato · December 2022

My dad is upset that we didn’t abort this pregnancy because he thinks I am putting myself at risk of having diabetes permanently (he is T1) by being pregnant again and he can’t believe I would choose to put myself through that. (He knows it was unplanned.)

So whenever I’m around my parents they just ignore the pregnancy and it feels like
the elephant in the room that we aren’t allowed to acknowledge. Which gets super awkward when my kids talk about the baby and my parent pretend they didn’t hear. 🙄

thescarletmom · December 2022

@pttomato is that even a real thing? I was pretty sure that GD and Type 1/2 were almost completely separate things, because the insulin issues is caused by the placenta? I can't imagine how awful that feels to have him so upset about your pregnancy. This baby wasn't planned, and I'm pro choice but I would never personally get an abortion and would be *furious* if someone "suggested" it to me. Do you think they would still act that way after the baby is born?

@hitcj4687 so happy to see you're still with us after hosting 😂 I'm glad it went well! It is absolutely evil to make y'all show up the flooded office in wintertime though. I'm back in the office today and it's just me here so I'm not doing sh*t today haha.

@ReadyForaB our son also got literal tons of Pokémon cards for Christmas. I'm angry at *my* parents because we've told them a dozen times not to do this, but my new step-dad (long story, he and my mom met in like April and got married in August?? He's nice and very thoughtful but my mom has been divorced without so much as a boyfriend for 20 years so I'm still processing) bought DS1 a go-kart racing club membership and is buying him a go-kart 🙄 we've told them no less than 1 million times that he does not do competition well and would not enjoy it and he is weirdly hung up on this. We told them a bunkbed for the kids to start sharing a room before baby would be great, my mom agreed, and then 2 days before Christmas said that they weren't going to be doing that because she didn't think it would be fun for the kids 🙄 ugh.

@kalesix3 your mil is a real piece of work. DH has a cousin on his stepmom's side who fully came out as trans this Christmas (DH and I have known for at least a year at this point though) and even signed all their gifts with her new name and everyone insisted on still calling her "he" and by his old name like nothing happened. Thw family is all incredibly close so no "i didnt know" excuses. They're not openly hateful, but it's clear she's not accepted as she is and that makes DH and I sad.

pttomato · December 2022

@thescarletmom From what I’ve learned it’s complicated. Having GD increases the chance you will end up developing T2 at some point, I have relatives that had that happen. But I also have a family history of adult onset T1 (my maternal grandfather, my dad, paternal aunt). My aunt developed T1 during her first pregnancy. This is why they tested me so early the first time.

Because of my family history and atypical presentation the endocrinologists haven’t totally ruled out LADA-which is a slow onset version of T1. Although when I was initially diagnosed in my first pregnancy I tested negative for autoantibodies (which would indicate likely developing T1) and a monogenetic form of diabetes.

FWIW I did still have blood sugar issues after my first, but they went away after my second. However, the way my diabetes has presented has even different in each pregnancy seems to indicate a progression towards real diabetes.

Basically they don’t know. 🤷‍♀️

He didn’t come out right and say I should have terminated, but he kept saying “I can’t believe you would choose this.” When o pointed out, I had an IUD, so I didn’t really “choose” it, he just says “You had a choice.”

ReadyForaB · December 2022

@thescarletmom that's the thing with my in laws. They won't buy practical things, it has to be something "fun". My father on the other hand is all about the practical gifts and I love it. He buys my son winter coats and boots every year and for Christmas got him a lot of Dallas Cowboys gear and a bedspread set (which he was so excited about). But my in laws would NEVER. It's all about huge obnoxious toys. He is six. It's getting old.

thescarletmom · December 2022

@ReadyForaB right! My kids got literally so much stuff for Christmas. So much. Don't get me wrong, I also got my kids waaay too much stuff. But because my mom ignored the only thing we asked her for for the kids, and they dont spend enough time with the kids to really know their interests (not their fault, were just busy), the random stuff they got both the kids are definitely never going to be played with. I'm going to end up donating totally unopened gifts that I would have been able to tell them the kids would never touch. And the bunkbed *would* have been fun for the boys on top of being practical. She just wants to be the "fun grandma" so bad that she couldn't see that.

Speaking of winter boots, it snowed here last Thursday and we realized that day that even though we bought the kids new winter coats, gloves, and had snow pants in the correct size.... we completely forgot boots. DS1 has destroyed his snow boots every year (he always wants to wear them even when it doesn't make sense for the weather and DH lets him and they get overly worn out and the soles ruined 😒) and of course the shoe size difference between a 1.5 yo and a 2.5 yo is huge so DS2 was SOL too. Ugh!! When all the snow gear goes on sale in March I'm going to stock up and store their next snow boots sizes 🤦‍♀️

thescarletmom · December 2022

@pttomato that is so crazy. I am adjacent to so many people with diabetes so I feel like I should know more about it, but I just don't. There's an extensive history of T2 diabetes on my dad's side, and many of them including my dad were bad enough to need daily insulin, but I've been hypoglycemic my whole life. Chronically low blood sugar, and when I used to test regularly I would hover around 80 at nearly all times. 120 was incredibly high for me. There was a concern I might be T1 when I was a teen, but they decided I just live lower on the spectrum and have to be careful to watch my eating so I don't pass out. Diabetes has started to be a concern on my husband's mind recently, because he was born with a kidney disease (basically, he only has one functioning kidney, the other is filled with cysts and has never worked so he's effectively in stage 2 kidney failure and has been since birth) but that was totally random chance. The men in his family all seem to have kidney problems, his dad had a transplant a few years ago before age 55. So DH is terrified he'll develop T2. I don't know how likely that is, considering his dad's poor kidney health was about 70-80% his fault according to his nephrologist 😬

pttomato · December 2022

@thescarletmom Interestingly, I was borderline hypoglycemic as a child. Even in my first pregnancy my fasting was on the lower end ~70, and I was insulin sensitive but I had a delayed insulin response, so I would spike high and crash.

After my first I had low fasting insulin, but normal fasting blood sugar, and my BMI was 20 but I was negative for autoantibodies so they didn’t really know what to make of me.

Half way through the second pregnancy I had high fastings though. 🤷‍♀️

kalesix3 · December 2022

@ReadyForaB omg I would be livid too, that must get so old so fast. I know people think I'm spoiled and awful for complaining, some have even said it to my face but I think a lot of comes down to how people refuse to place responsibly on toxic parents for one and for two anyone who spends money on you must be good, as if lovebombing isn't a common problem with selfish narcissistic people. That's what my MIL does, she's not a good person I have a few disagreements with, she's actually not a good person at all and no amount of money makes it different. I'm sad you know the awful MIL struggles too, it's so frustrating!

@thescarletmom I'm so sad for your cousin. If I were her I guess I would be cutting everyone out of my life who thought my identity was something to disagree with. I'm so upset for her, that's exactly why the suicide rate for trans people is so high, shit like that. Would it kill people to be supportive of something that literally doesn't hurt them? Ugh.

@pttomato it's a huge fear of mine to be told that, especially by someone who's supposed to be supportive of you. I'm so sad that your dad would treat you that way and make you feel worse about a situation you didn't choose and isn't your fault. Ugh.

thescarletmom · December 2022

@kalesix3 it just breaks my heart. She's a good kid, and she's just trying to live her life. She's about 10 years younger than us, and I desperately want to find a way to be the "cool older cousins" for her but it's tricky. Last year I noticed she had put on makeup at a holiday dinner and then pretty much instantly went to go hide downstairs. I took a chance to chat with her alone, and she just completely spilled the beans, it's like she couldn't say it fast enough. It was obvious she's known this for so long and was desperate to acknowledge it. And the whole thing makes me extra angry about how hell bent they are on me having a girl. You have a girl right in front of you! You just don't think she's "good enough" or something? Ugh. It's terribly sad, and not to tell all the family secrets, but I think some of it internalized issues on cousin's mom's part. She used donor sperm to conceive in her 30s because she had never dated and wasn't particularly interested in it, but wanted a child. I think she can't acknowledge that her own sexuality is "not the norm" and can't handle her child doing what she could never - accepting herself anyways.

hitcj4687 · December 2022

I'm so upset to read some of these comments. I'm so sorry to all of you!!
@kalesix3 I would have flipped out on my mil on the spit for freaking sure. I cannot stand that. @thescarletmom same situation for you! What is with people?? @pttomato I'm so sorry to hear how your family is reacting to your pregnancy. That's such a dick move. Planned or not, you did make a choice to keep and love this baby no matter what and THAT is the choice you made. Why should you be ridiculed for that? I'm so sorry.

I second the discussion about gift giving. I asked for people to gift my son experiences this year rather than gifts and most people listened. I was so grateful for that. He ended up with several gifts, but nothing that was a total waste!

thescarletmom · December 2022

@hitcj4687 that is a GREAT idea. Next year we'll have to keep that in mind, ask relatives for children's museum or zoo memberships instead! Thankfully everybody except my parents did really great for our kids and didn't go over the top.

pttomato · December 2022

MIL keeps pushing me on getting my tubes tied after birth because apparently it’s unreasonable to expect men to get a vasectomy (even though DH wants one). 🙄

hitcj4687 · December 2022

@thescarletmom yes!! Its so helpful and the kids still love that! My mom did 12 months of experiences for him. So like January is a trip to the movies, February is bowling, March is rock climbing and then there are some bigger ones in there too. But it's amazing. So much better than filling my house with junk.

@pttomato what the hell??? Your husband can get a vasectomy after you've carried and birthed all the children. And if he's on board with that, what's her issue?

annemarie96 · December 2022

@pttomato I am so sorry about your dads response. And even your mom too it sounds like. That would wreck my relationship with any family member if they told me that. We’ve had some judgement from one of our family members before but they never completely voiced that kind of idea because they knew how angry we would be I guess.

And also, why does your mom care which person gets the snip?? Normally I think it makes sense for it to be the man, it just affects them way less and honestly they owe us one at that point haha.

I think my husband is reluctant but will definitely be willing when the time comes for that decision. He would never prefer that I have it done instead because it’s so much more complicated for a woman.

annemarie96 · December 2022

Our Christmas was surprisingly good! An extremely loud couple of family members, but that’s the norm when we’re around them and we just endure that. 😅
I didn’t feel too horribly sick and I think this might have been the first year I was actually glad I’ve never celebrated Christmas with gifts. I wasn’t raised with it and my husband actually ended up deciding the same thing, which I was fine with but a little disappointed because as a kid I always felt so left out. My parents were extremely dramatic about it, to the point where they won’t say Merry Christmas back to people and I felt like an alien family.

My husband is more chill, just doesn’t want to do all the gifts.

And this year I was so grateful for that. I’m really seeing how stressed people are over it, we do NOT have the money for that right now, and our kids have an overflowing toy box already.

We had a very relaxing Christmas, considering I’m pregnant and we have two small kids.

kalesix3 · December 2022

@thescarletmom you did the right thing, it's not tricky to take sides against obviously abusive behavior from the rest of the family. Man the more I hear about these people the more I wish you could go no contact, they sound like they do nothing but stress you out and make everyone decent feel just awful.

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