I want another baby. Would like some input.

turtletaylor0522 · December 2022

Hi, moms!

I’d like some input from moms of multiple kids! My husband and I had our first son six months ago and I have decided it would be great for my son and the future kid to have a sibling to grow up with. I have a brother 18 months younger than me and we absolutely loved it growing up. We are still very close as adults. My husband has an older brother but had a bad childhood and they are not close at all. I think this is giving him some doubts about having another baby, but he is open to it. He’s leaning towards waiting another few years as opposed to me wanting them to be close in age.

How do you feel about having two kids close in age? I’m expecting the early years to be difficult but later it may be so rewarding to have kids with a built in friend. We are going to homeschool and I know having a sibling would help with their emotional and social growth (even though this can be fostered in a single child as well).

One issue is that we currently live in our “starter home” that we bought when we married and do not plan on moving within the next five to six years. How would it work having young siblings share a room? I know I shared a room with my brother for three years but I (obviously) don’t remember it. My mom and I will talk, but I want some other opinions too!

I'm a stay at home mom so we don’t pay for childcare (other than with my time and energy). Financially I wouldn’t think another baby would drain us much more. We have the essential baby hardware already. How much did your second cost versus your first?

TL;DR: What age difference do you like? Do you have insight or tips on kids sharing a room? How much more did your second coat versus your first?

Thanks in advance for any input!!! 😊

Wishilivedinflorida · December 2022

My first two were 17 months apart and it was easy to transition because we were already in the thick of diapers, baby/toddler food, and had all the gear.

The second one cost the usual medical bills and new furniture, and doubled our diaper budget. We did not have them share rooms so I can’t speak to that but once we started traveling again when youngest was around 2 they shared a room just fine.

Now, it is double the school costs, double activity fees, double car seats, clothing, double Christmas presents, birthday parties, doctor visits, dentist, etc. If you homeschool this probably won’t be as cumbersome, but the costs do escalate no matter what.

And now I have number 3 on the way! Back to buying diapers, extra food, and eventually, all the stuff we already spend on 1 and 2. I am thrilled, but have no illusions this will be cheap. We at least have 4 bedrooms but now we have to shift my husband’s office and he is working so hard to finish our basement in time to accomplish this.

Keep in mind toys will multiply and you will need more space eventually!

Ultimately there’s no magic answer, but personally, if you want more than one, I vote for doing it back to back. Pregnancy at 37 is no joke years after we are past the baby stages.

knottie1a16deebdcf53e05 · February 2023

Speaking from a strictly health Based perspective, studies show that you are physically in your best health and have rebounded from the previous child about 3 years later. Putting you in your best position to have the energy and not he depleted for baby number 2.

My sisters and I are all 3 years apart and we are very close ☺️

Either way, I hope the best for you and your fam!

complexity · November 2023

I grew up with two older brothers and always wanted a sister. So when we had children, we were thrilled to have two daughters, 3.25 years apart! I envisioned that they’d be close and would support each other throughout childhood, as well as adulthood. I was wrong.

My older daughter was not a good big sister. Even though I did everything in my power to ensure that neither child felt one was a favorite or one got more of anything than the other, my older daughter just did not want to be close. This persisted throughout childhood and into adulthood.

Over time, it became clear that my older daughter had emotional problems which caused her a lot of difficulties throughout her life. She gave birth to my granddaughter whom I had to bring to our home her first week of life. Then, sadly, my older daughter passed away almost 5 weeks after my granddaughter was born (due to a rare side effect of medication which caused a brain bleed). Now I have guardianship over my granddaughter. Since my husband and I are too old to raise another child, my younger daughter has agreed (happily) to adopt her. She and I share in the care of my granddaughter to ensure a strong bond between my daughter and granddaughter.

We had our second daughter when we were living in a two bedroom house. It was hard. Our daughters’ sleeping needs and habits were very different. We ended up putting our second daughter to sleep on our bed and moved her to her crib once both girls were asleep. I don’t recommend it.

The point is that no matter what we envision for our children, there is no guarantee that it will work out the way we planned. Neither my husband nor I ever dreamed any of this would have happened to us, our children, or our first grandchild. All you can do is do whatever you think it best and then roll with whatever happens. I wish for you and your family the very best with whatever you decide.

annemarie96 · December 2023

I think siblings can be really close and have a beautiful bond with any age difference, and that had a loooot more to do with how they're patented.
We have had 3 kids around 2 years apart each, and it's an intense season when they're tiny but they do love each other so much and while I'm EXHAUSTED I do also love so many things about our life, and so many moments each day. It's not easy, but whatever life you choose will always be hard. I like this hard better than other kinds, I think. I do really enjoy thinking about how we'll move on from this baby stage at some point, instead of dragging out the baby and toddler years by separating our kids ages more. They'll all be out of dialers much sooner, and then car seats, etc. And we're young now. I think it's good to have them closer for those reasons, but that's just what fits us best.

annemarie96 · December 2023

Oh, and also, our boys have been in the same room for a long time now and it was a much easier transition than I imagined it would be. Black out curtains and a sound machine for the first year or so may have helped. Our daughter will be joining them in the next couple months as she grows out of her night feed better, and I think it'll be very doable for another year or so. Then we'll be outgrowing this house, but mainly because my husband works from home and I need napping places away from where he's working.
I think our culture overthinks kid's bedrooms a lot. Especially when they're young! My boys love sharing a room and would be lonely all by themselves. Often the younger crawls into the older ones bed.

annemarie96 · December 2023

Oh, and about costs, mainly the food has changed. They both eat a lot. Lol
But they're boys and the second wears hand me downs for now and doesn't care at all.
I homeschool, so we don't have childcare or school costs past what The Good And The Beautiful costs for preschool and kindergarten, so far. Highly recommend that curriculum!!!
We have a simple life and don't need fancy things, and my kids are honestly really content, not watching any TV except for special occasions, and we just don't have a lot of expenses for them.
I shop second hand, we have a lot of free fun, and we have good insurance, so it feels like the kids don't cost too much?
We've almost never bought toys, etc because grandparents buy plenty.
Kids just don't seem expensive so far.
Our oldest is almost 5, but I don't s ee this changing in the next few years, especially because I'll be homeschooling him at least for the younger grades.
I wouldn't let that deter me if I were you!

jesslorraine16 · January 4

Hi, I just had a baby 7 months ago and I'm pregnant again, 9wks! It is scary to be pregnant again so soon but exciting as well! I have 2 older boys they are 18 and 14. And they are close, they shared a room for a long time but that's because they had too, but it wasn't a problem! I only decided to start over because my boyfriend didn't have any kids, so I took one for the team lol. And we're 38 so I said if you want 1 more it will need to be back to back because I'm not having any kids at 40! We for sure now need a bigger house and vehicle so we're working on that. But we're not stressing everything will fall in place! Good luck to you and your family!

knottie4030763df97ba78d · January 7

I have two girls that are almost exactly 18 months apart and I love it! They are so close already and will be sharing a room in about a month or two. I’m also a stay at home mom and plan to homeschool so we’re kind of in the same boat there! I just found out I’m pregnant again and the third will also be 18 months apart from the second. Having these two so close and seeing their relationship even at a young age being what it is made me and my husband want all of our kids to have that tight knit family bond.

I could’ve put them in the same room earlier but I wanted to make sure the youngest was fully sleep trained before making the swap so my oldest (who loves her sleep and does not like it messed with) wouldn’t be caught in the sleep training crossfires lol. My oldest loves to help teach her little sister and it has made the youngest’s development go very quickly- she was rolling over, crawling, pulling herself up onto things, etc much more quickly than my first. It is so awesome to see my oldest run around saying “watch me sister!” or “this is how you do it!” And wanting to share her things with her and play with her already (although that’s not all the time, of course).

Each family is going to be different and what you are wanting to take on is going to vary from person to person but if you’re wanting that age gap I would 10000% recommend it. Ultimately, whether it’s 18 months or 4 years their relationship will be a reflection of how you teach them to interact with one another and the type of family relationships you show as valuable in your home.

Best of luck whenever you and your spouse decide to try for another!

I want another baby. Would like some input.

Re: I want another baby. Would like some input.

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