Opinions needed on in laws meeting newborn

Re: Opinions needed on in laws meeting newborn

• knottie_knottie1 member

  November 2022

  No, I don't think that's rude. You could also combine that with asking your husband to speak with his parents prior to set up some boundaries 

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• Wishilivedinflorida member

  November 2022

  I think you need to buck up and stand up for yourself and tell them that you don’t want to answer personal questions. If you keep being meek and avoidant it doesn’t fix anything. 

  
  

  Whenever my babies needed to eat, I left the room or told my extended family to leave the room. Simple as that. Don’t dance around the issue, tell them you need and want privacy. 

  
  

  If you are worried you can’t firmly set these boundaries, I would tell them they can wait until baby is a little bit older and you don’t feel so badly to meet them so you aren’t worried about bleeding, pain, nursing every five minutes, etc. 

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• sun0620 member

  November 2022

  Fully agree with your husband helping to set boundaries. You didn't feel pressured or burdened with managing them just after having a baby. My in laws are somewhat similar. I've found that using a little humor and sarcasm works well too. Ie. If they asked if I tore, I would say something like "we can only.talk about my vagina after we've talked about everyone else's private parts. House rules!" 
  
  Usually it's enough that they laugh uncomfortably and realize they're off base. If not, that's why my husband is there to redirect. 
  
  I also bought a little privacy sign for breastfeeding and pumping to hang on the nursery door for when they visit. 
  
  Don't feel compelled to be nice at your own expense. They need to respect your personal boundaries. If all else fails, simply say the truth "I'm way too private of a person to discuss that!" or "Ok I'm going to go nurse privately now." Or "I need to nurse now - we'll catch up with y'all later"
  
  Your body your baby your rules!

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• babyc0op123 member

  November 2022

  I'm not as nice as you. I'd tell them to call before coming over and only stay for 30 minutes. I've already made a list of things I'm going to send to my family and my in laws before the baby comes - like no one is kissing my baby, no one is holding him unless i say its okay, no one is taking him anywhere without our permission. my husband and I unfortunately live with some of his family right now, we have like a downstairs "apartment" but have to share a kitchen upstairs. we are putting a lock on the door to downstairs and no one is coming down unless invited lol.  I'm private too - and his family is nosey and loves to tell me how to live my life. they have no filter when they speak to me so I no longer do when I speak to them 🤷‍♀️ we get along fine but sometimes I have to let them know they're crossing a line I'm not willing to let them cross.

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• knottie0c156a972e30fdbe Just Joined

  December 2022

  I don't think that's rude at all. My mother in law was also extremely invasive and before my first child was born I set boundaries very clearly. She didn't like it but I didn't care. My husband and I were on the same page, everyone else thought my boundaries were reasonable and healthy except her. I had a high risk pregnancy and a hard delivery on one occasion while I was getting checked after birth (like nurses all up in my business, legs in the air type of situation) she barged in the room with a friend after being asked to wait outside while I was checked. Needless to say the nurses were aware of my request before hand and kicked her out. Also, I think voicing "I don't feel quite comfortable answering that" is also a healthy boundary. Hope you have a peaceful postpartum!

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