Single Moms

Re: Single Moms

• sarahsays25 member

  June 2022

  Hi Hana! My name is Sarah and I'm 25, I don't know if I technically count as a single mom but my baby's father is my ex.  We were in a fwb situationat the time and honestly after being together off and on for 3 years definitely did not expect me to get pregnant. He wants us to be a family but tbh there's a lot of drama and distrust there so I don't think I could ever let myself fully let him into my life romantically.  Rn we are basically acting like we're dating but with some boundaries.  I know it's not going to last and tbh I'm worried about the consequences and how this is going to affect our baby.  We were talking about me staying home to be a full time mom, finding a remote position or quitting my job because daycare is basically my salary and at that point I'd rather be the one caring for my baby. He's in the military otherwise we could’ve come up with a better solution, but obviously when this goes sour it's going go really sour lol.  Worst part is I moved to another state with him and all of my family is back in my home state. I have a few really good friends and his family but not my own family to help me through this. Does your family work or can they look after the baby while you're at work? Maybe even arranging work schedules so at least one person would be home with the baby for most of the week. If you're going to have some weekdays off I would do a nanny since I believe day cares charge by the week (at least what I've seen so far). How are you holding up with everything?😊

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• peregrinemama member

  June 2022

  Hi Sarah! My mom is at home most days and my dad is retiring in December, so I'm sure they'll be a big help. I'm also currently looking for a remote position so I could stay home most of the time.
  
  My fwb was kind of the same (only one year though), but he pretty much decided he only wanted to stay involved with me if a baby wasn't part of the picture. Not sure why he thought I'd prioritize him first 🤔 I still want to have a respectful co-parenting relationship, but he's 21 and doesn't seem to understand that as a viable option. While I believe it's best for a child to have both parents, the parents need to be respectful and friendly towards each-other for the sake of the child. I think it's definitely more beneficial for baby if you are on good terms and separate than together and angry, or even exes and angry. Not sure if that helps. Maybe couples counseling would be good for that distrust, at least to build a better relationship for baby. 
  
  P.S. I think it's funny, Sarah is my younger sister's name!

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• sarahsays25 member

  June 2022

  Hi Hana!
   That's great that you'll be able to have their help also😊 That's what I'm doing as well I heard there's actually a lot more remote jobs available now also.
  
  Ah I see, that's a pretty big ask of someone. That's what I want also! Like no need to go to legal or anything but we respect each other as parents and come to agreements for times and parenting styles and such. Might be a little bit hopeful but a girl can dream😭 I agree, my parents stayed with each other even though they weren't happy and all it did was make everyone else unhappy. We were so happy when they got divorced and could focus on themselves.  We've discussed couples therapy so hopefully we can do that soon and I might start some individual therapy also for piece of mind. 
  
  LOL that's funny because my older sister's name is Hannah😂

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• janinegb member

  June 2022

  So my backstory…
  
  
  
  Had a romantic weekend with my ex to celebrate his promotion(lots of drinking and adult activities). Well on the final night We talked over dinner how he would be would be traveling back to Canada and that he would want us to end up living there for good(he is from Calgary job is in Quebec) and then he drops to his knee and ask me to marry him. I say no, I have my career here, my OWN home and my life is here. He tries to reason with me that I have enough time to sell my home and do all the necessary paperwork to be able to work and live in Canada. Say no again. Gets to the hotel grabs his stuff and leaves. He took a different shuttle to the airport, sat away from each other on the plane. Leave our separate ways from the airport. I made sure to change the access codes to my door locks so he couldn’t get in. We stop talking all together don’t even bother picking up/exchanging the stuff we had at each other’s place. Fast forward weeks later, after a night out with a friend, I end up with food poisoning and went to an urgent care clinic and found out that not only was it food poisoning but also pregnant. Couple days later call him up. Says he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and that he wants a paternity test before he’ll help. I told him not to worry that I’ll never contact him ever again and that he’ll never be part of the child’s life. 
  

  
  

  And that’s why I’m a single mom to be 
  
  there is a lot more but I don’t want to get into it

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• peregrinemama member

  July 2022

  Wow I'm so sorry for his reaction! My mom talked to a family lawyer at our church and she advised to get it in writing so he won't eventually change his mind and try for custody. I'm not sure where that leaves me because he hasn't responded to any of my messages in the past two months (I only tried twice, once for genetic screening and the other for mother's day), but I think it's important to get that stuff figured out now so he doesn't come crawling through the woodworks in a couple years.

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• janinegb member

  July 2022

  He is going to sign a “waiver of interest” but a judge has to sign off on it. The difficult part is the state I live in. A judge has to sign off on it but either way he already said he is not returning to the USA(hopefully). 

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• knottie6cc785eae073a300 member

  July 2022

  Hi everyone,
  I'm Marielle and 31. I was seeing someone not seriously, but good friends for a year and a half. He never wanted kids and 4 days after getting my iud out and thinking it would take a while to get the hormones out of my system after 3 years, I got pregnant. A doctor thinks maybe the iud wasn't really working if I was ovulating that quickly. Either way, the guy I was seeing suggested an abortion and told me not to contact him again. I have a super supportive family but, of course this wasn't how I envisioned pregnancy for me. I feel like I'm grieving what I saw for myself, my child not having a dad and also losing someone important to me me. I don't know any single parents, but everyone has an opinion on how I should handle the dad situation.

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• peregrinemama member

  November 2022

  Hi Marielle, thank you for sharing! I've been struggling a lot with the same things. My family is so supportive and amazing, but it's hard to talk to them about since they don't really understand. They try to, but I don't expect them to understand that while I'm so in love with my little angel I'm also grieving that I'm not where I wanted to be. I never imagined I would be a single mama and I wish I could give my baby the perfect, amazing family that he deserves. I try to focus on what I am giving him, an amazing set of grandparents, an incredibly loving godmother and aunt, two strong and supportive uncles, and me. All I can do is focus on giving him the best life possible because God has given me the gift of being his mama. 

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