My 4th Pregnancy felt unwanted

Re: My 4th Pregnancy felt unwanted

• harpseal135 member

  November 2022

  Your husband should get a vasectomy and you need to find a doctor that will do a tubal - its disgusting that our country doesn't allow women who do not want more kids to have tubal libations when they want.  Its just wrong that insurance companies dictate doctor/patient choices.  
  
  As for being pregnant, you need to do what you feel is best.  You emotionally know what its like to have 1, could you deal with 2?  If the baby truly is unwanted, would you be willing to give it up for adoption? What does your husband think? Have you told him? 
  
  

  madison-tin31 said:

  😞 I am very depressed and very upset after knowing I am pregnant with my 4th child. When I was much younger I secretly went for an abortion and I am extremely upset and regretful for a baby I didn’t get to meet till this very day. 😞
  
  After a year I am pregnant again and I got married. Everyone supported me but at the same time being judged for being in a shortgun situation. And I am really not happy even being married and pregnant at the same time.
  After that I went on to have my 2nd child. During my 2nd pregnancy I told the doctor I really wanted to have Tubal Ligation as I just wanted to have 2 kids. However the Doctor Rejected me on many occasions during my pregnancy checkup.
  
  After 2years I found out I am pregnant again with my 3rd. People were still happy for us and I discussed it with my doctor again, right after this I really wanted a Tubal Ligation but the same doctor rejected me again saying I’m still young, when I am already in my 27 and I am so done with having more babies.
  
  So right after my 3rd child I gotten myself a 5years plan Birth control via Arm Implant. During this birth control I gained so much weight that I am very Low self esteem and the implant is not cheap for me to continue. I tried many kinds of birth control but it has gotten my weight gain more and more and at the same time facing the side effect of the medication causing me not able to look after my kids.
  
  Then we decided that this is not working out and planned to use condom. However that one time we didn’t use and I am pregnant again. I am super depressed finding out I am pregnant again. As this time around my parents and my husband mum weren’t happy about it.
  
  I felt trapped and I felt like dying. I wished I can just disappear on this earth. I am a failure. I don’t have the heart to go for an abortion again. If I were to go for another abortion I know I won’t be able to live. But me keeping this 4th baby people are not gonna let me live either.
  
  I am already very grateful to have my 3 little Musketeers (Age 9, 7 and 5) Now a 4th. 😞 I lacked of hope in this now.
  
  What should I do? I really don’t know. I know I have to be strong for my 3kids but I am not able to live my head up in front of my parents and anyone.
  
  I just felt that other people being pregnant is such a Happy occasion. For me is such a shame, disgrace and disgusting

  
  

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• annemarie96 member

  November 2022

  That’s true, there’s a long list of people waiting to adopt babies. That could be a wonderful way to go at this point. And I agree, your husband can get a vasectomy or you can go in and demand the procedure for yourself based on your mental health condition. Tell them that you’ve had significant side effects from birth control that are affecting your daily life, and that you don’t feel mentally able to care for another child. If that doctor still says no surely another one will agree. Maybe that one is extreme? 

  There are fantastic adoptive parents out there and a lot of adoptions these days are even open adoptions. So many more of them than there used to be!! Maybe look into it and see what you think? 

  ❤️❤️

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• annemarie96 member

  November 2022

  Oh and the other thing is, if there’s any way for you to get therapy you absolutely have to! If you’re on medicaid I believe they pay for it, I have a friend doing that. And most other ins will pay for some i think? 

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• madison-tin31 member

  November 2022

  Thank you very much Ladies for you reply. No matter how hard it is we will keep the baby. Is not the baby fault but ours especially mine. I have no one to blame but myself. 😞 I will still give whatever that is best for the 4th baby just like the siblings. I will be meeting up with a doctor soon and I will demand a Tubal Ligation no matter what. I will change a new gynae to do so. To be honest the gynae I had was kinda bad 😟 I had 3 kids and it was supposed to be her who should be helping with my birth. Out of 3 she came for 1 of my child birth 🤦‍♀️And I was young and nobody to discuss this about to realise how stupid I was to still continue with her.
  
  But I am so grateful and Thankful you ladies gave some great advice. Thank you very much ❤️

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• harpseal135 member

  November 2022

  Um sweetie, I do not know you but your husband has responsibility in this!!!!!!! DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF! It is NOT especially yours! 
  
  If another baby is not wanted HE can wear a condom, HE can get a vasectomy, HE can help withhold penatration - he has blame too! 
  
  I pray you are not in an abusive relationship.  If you can, as PP said, maybe counciling would be helpful for you.  
  
  Also as part of doctors being at birth - if your doctor is in a group, you get who is on call, not necessarily your regular doctor.  But if you feel that doctor isn't giving you the care you need then most definately find someone else. 

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