TTCAL - Week of Oct 31

maggiemadeit · November 2022

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?

Any testing coming up/any recent results

Questions?

GTKY: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? What did you grow up to be?

maggiemadeit · November 2022

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Early loss at 6 weeks in Aug 2021, MMC and D&C at 12 weeks in Feb 2022.

Status: WTO on our second cycle back TTC again

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I saw my OBGYN today. She was very encouraging, but said there were no interventions that made sense for us right now, not even baby aspirin and progesterone. She essentially said that even though we've had 2 losses, the only real issue she can see is age. She did offer us some early monitoring in the event that we do get pregnant again, and told us to go straight to Boston IVF if it doesn't happen in 6 months, or if we do get pregnant and lose another one. I'm trying not to think too far ahead, and hoping that maybe I'll get lucky before I turn 40 in March.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope, but I will start peeing on OPK tests pretty soon.

Questions? None.

GTKY: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? What did you grow up to be? I wanted to be a dancer as a kid, but a knee injury my senior year in high school ended that. I ended up becoming a research scientist, and more recently a medical/science writer.

catem07 · November 2022

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Hi, I'm Caitlin. I just had a loss on Saturday. I was 11 weeks but the fetal measurement was 7w2d. It was my third pregnancy and first MC.

Status: Waiting for my period to return (which I know will be some weeks). I don't want to try again until after the holidays.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I'm still grieving. I saw my OB today and that was nice. I am kind of a miserable (depressed) pregnant person, so at least I'm not miserable in that way anymore.

Any testing coming up/any recent results: I had an HCG blood draw today but it turns out I should have waited until next week. My OB also had my maternit21 results today. She said they showed no chromosomal abnormalities. They also had the sex of the baby--I had her write it down for me. Maybe it we go on to have another healthy pregnancy then I'll look. My husband doesn't really want to.

Questions? How did conversations between you and your partner go about trying again? My husband hasn't committed to wanting to try again. I know it's probably different for those who already have kids and those who don't.

GTKY: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? What did you grow up to be? I wanted to be president or a lawyer. I'm an operations person/consultant.

catem07 · November 2022

maggiemadeit Did your OBGYN say there's any reason NOT to try baby aspirin?

bearmomma1 · November 2022

Two years ago today my son passed away. The start of the day was fine; i thought it would be ok. Then we received flowers from h’s parents and I started to lose it. I started looking at all the pictures we had for the 5 weeks that we had him, and then the last day he was alive when all his grandparents were able to meet him for the first and last time at the hospital. Another grief bomb was seeing pictures of my dad holding him, who we lost earlier this year. At 10:42pm was the time he passed. I took the afternoon off work today and laid in bed crying, then went and did some shopping. It didn’t help that my H was at work so I’m home alone with my feelings. My mom checked in on me and now we’re meeting for dinner, since my H has a work thing after work…of all days. Meh, I’ve said it before but I hate this time of year.

Anyway, sorry for not following the template. I’ve been alone all day and needed to do some talking.

anniemarie887 · November 2022

@bearmomma1 sending you a massive hug.

maggiemadeit · November 2022

@bearmomma1 I know there aren’t any words that can really help, but please know that my heart is with you today. Sending you so so much love and support ❤️

maggiemadeit · November 2022

@catem07 I’m sorry for your loss. It's so hard. I know you're in the early stages of grieving, so please show yourself a lot of grace and kindness now.

My OBGYN said that taking baby aspirin to prevent recurrent miscarriage is not an evidence-based practice. She said the same thing about the supplements I have been taking for egg quality. She said I am free to try whatever I want, but there is no evidence that these things will prevent another miscarriage.

As for the decision with your husband to try again, I'm sure every couple is different, but I can share my experience. It's long so I'm going to put it in a box.

Our first loss was early (6 weeks) and we easily agreed to keep trying. Four months later I was pregnant again, but had a MMC diagnosed around 11 weeks, followed by a D&C at 12 weeks. I was completely devastated so I started therapy. After 3 months I asked my husband to try again and he flat out said no, he didn't want to, it was over, end of discussion. I was still grieving these losses hard, he seemed completely unaffected, and I felt he was not giving me a chance to have what we had lost. I stopped doing anything fertility friendly, ate horribly, drank like a fish, gained 20 pounds, etc. Our communication completely broke down, I felt totally alone, and I feared the worst for our marriage. It took another 3 months and a lot of help from my therapist to find a way to communicate with him again, and it started a week long discussion/argument. It helped me to understand that he fundamentally did not understand conception, pregnancy, abortion, anything that had transpired. He wasn't grieving because he didn't feel he had lost anything, and any time I talked about my grief, he only understood that as me pressuring him to try again. When we were finally able to communicate, it opened up room in our marriage for my grief, and we were able to separate our losses from trying again. We celebrated our baby's due date together in August, and that was a big turning point for me and for us. Our marriage has improved tremendously, and finally one day not too long ago he said he was thinking about it and he did want to try again. And here we are.

I hope that it will go more smoothly for you and your husband. Everyone processes loss differently, and it can take time to get on the same page. I can't recommend therapy highly enough.

catem07 · November 2022

Thanks for sharing. My husband hasn’t been able to process our loss with anyone who isn’t me. I really think he needs to.

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