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Am I Crazy to Be Sad? BIL and his wife are expecting

babyfever1238babyfever1238 member
in Infertility
My husband called last week to tell me his brother are expecting and it's very new so don't tell anyone. We've been trying for 7 years and know that part of the problem is male factor infertility so there's not much I can do, or else I would've done everything to help have a child. Now DH is concerned I'm going to rain on BIL's parade and go into mass depression mode when I'm just frustrated and sad that this isn't happening for us. Don't get me wrong, I'm THRILLED for them, but it's hard to watch someone in your family go through everything you've ever wanted when they've always said they never wanted children. An I wrong to be upset?
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Re: Am I Crazy to Be Sad? BIL and his wife are expecting

  • annah2022annah2022 member
    It is absolutely ok to feel the way you feel. I lost my baby at 20 weeks pregnant (fluke medical issue) and my sister was pregnant at that time. I cried in the hospital when he was born. Of course I was happy for her, but I was also really sad for me and my not-to-be son. It's ok to feel your feelings. Try to love yourself and your husband the most right now; remember they're not doing it 'to you.' Best to you
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  • 00kim0000kim00 member
    As someone who also had 7 years of infertility, I would say it's totally normal to be upset. I was sad when both of my brothers told me they were expecting their kids, and when my SIL was expecting. I ended up unfollowing them all on facebook because I couldn't handle it, and I've never met two of my nieces- my last visit to my home state with my brothers' kids (one of whom was born the same month my baby would have been due- but it was ectopic) was just too hard, I haven't been back since. If the sadness takes over your life/thoughts, then it may be helpful to consider therapy (didn't work for me, but I know many people it did work for) and/or a support group. But it's okay to distance yourself, take some time to process on your own, and do whatever you need to to take care of yourself and your own mental health.
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  • ttc3yttc3y member
    It’s definitely ok to feel what you are feeling, especially going through infertility. Set healthy boundaries for yourself to manage through your emotions. Counseling could help as well. 
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  • babyfever1238babyfever1238 member
    Thank you all so much. I'm mentally preparing myself for them to announce at Thanksgiving or Christmas at our house (we host both) and preparing a discussion with our fertility specialist and finding a support group to go through that. 
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  • iiridescentiiiridescenti member
    I feel for you, that has to be rough having them announce it during the holidays. Be strong, you've got this. There is a plan in store for you and your husband as well!

    I agree with others that it's completely understandable to feel upset. I get a little annoyed when I see others yelling at their little ones thinking they probably didn't struggle the way we're struggling to have their baby. But I also hear more and more about those that have gone through multiple egg transfers or even retrievals. We only know what stories we hear and anyone could be keeping theirs at bay to protect themselves. 
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  • mina-pmina-p member
    This has been a regular rollercoaster for me. And I find it to be 100% normal and okay
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  • jenniec14jenniec14 Newbie
    I don't know if it is normal, but I feel the same way. I can't be happy for any pregnancy news anymore.
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  • babyfever1238babyfever1238 member
    Well as expected, they did announce at Thanksgiving and SIL wanted to see if MIL could guess who was pregnant... that was shut down real quick at least! It was hard and gets harder every visit with everyone discussing the baby news but hopefully we'll have our own some day. Met with our specialist again today and will hopefully begin IVF in 2023 with a pregnancy by the end of the year! Never giving up hope :)
    Thank you all again for your encouragement. 
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  • Knottie73960501Knottie73960501 Newbie
    I completely understand, for me what is really getting to me is that there are people in my family who are not in a good place and are getting pregnant left and right. Obviously most of the family are excited for them but at the same time I am feeling guilty for being angry that they are pregnant and I’m having to go through IUI (and possibly IVF if this round (3) doesn’t work ).
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  • nken20nken20 member
    You're definitely not crazy for feeling sad about pregnancy news.  We're only human and knowing what we're going through just trying to conceive we get disappointed with ourselves.  It's going to be difficult to cope.  Joining a group would be a good idea and it is also good that you prepared on what to say or how to react during the announcement.  Congratulations on coping with it really well.  Good luck on your IVF journey and let us hope for your take home baby within this year!
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