Grandparents at Birth?

Re: Grandparents at Birth?

• knottiec1bd6c5399b4642a member

  September 2022

  I had my husband and mother-in-law with me when I gave birth. Having my MIL there was really helpful since my labor lasted a while. They could take breaks to eat, etc. and I wasn't left alone. Also, my MIL is a bit more empathetic than my husband, so that was nice. During the two days we were in the hospital after baby was born, she ran errands to bring us things we needed and helped watch baby so that we could get some rest. Overall, it was a good experience. This pregnancy, she'll be watching our 3-year-old while I give birth, so it will just be me and my husband. 
  
  
  

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• ElisatheBrave member

  September 2022

  Having people come after the baby can be overwhelming. I’m on baby number 4 now and each time I’ve felt different. It’s best probably to just tell anyone you invite that if it becomes too much and you ask them to leave to have them not be offended because you honestly won’t know how you feel until it’s time. 

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• rac2718 member

  September 2022

  My mom was at the delivery of my 1st. She was a great support but it also didn't leave as much room for my husband to feel as comfortable supporting. This time she'll be watching my son so it'll be just my husband. After having my son and my husband was back at work while I was on maternity leave, my mom would come over a few times a week to help me. She wasn't there just to hold the baby. She was making sure I had extra time to eat, drink, and shower. She'd help with dishes or cleaning. Other visitors are only there to hold the baby and will stay longer than you think they should to the point it can be stressful. It's ok to discuss expectations with grandparents in advance.

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• jzajac06 member

  September 2022

  It will just be me and my husband for the delivery. We had DD1 in 2020 and were only allowed 2 support people total (DH being one). We were sent in for pre-eclampsia so our hospital bag was not packed. My mom packed up stuff at home and brought it for us and got to meet her first grandchild which was cool. This time she will be watching DD so it’ll be just us. Having prior c-section and another this time my mom came to help with things around the house so I could recover. Biggest advice is make expectations known early. People like to come over and meet baby (which is great) but tend to show up in groups which is overwhelming. Make feelings/expectations known early. Don’t stay longer than an hour and have them help with little things while they’re there. Throw in load of laundry, do dishes, throw dinner in oven, etc. Getting any help is so great but still recognize the new parents are tired and don’t want visitors 24/7. We didn’t allow friends for at least first week or two after delivery either. Just our experience! 

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• jval2 member

  September 2022

  My mom has already asked if she can be there and I said no. Something about having that moment of birth with just my husband for my first was unmatched. I also really don’t want my parents or in-laws seeing me that exposed during birth and breastfeeding. To each his own, and may depend also on the dad and what kind of support he will be. My husband has a tendency to pass out, and he did twice with our first, so I got a doula this time. I also told everyone that nobody is allowed in the hospital while we’re there recovering. We did that the first time and I can’t imagine having a different experience. The first few days after were rough. Do what feels best for you, and don’t feel like you’re being mean or hurting people’s feelings for what your boundaries are.

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• tinyicedtea member

  September 2022

  Thank you all so much, it's really helpful hearing what worked or didn't for people! 

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• megsmith27 member

  September 2022

  Second time around for me. Biggest piece of advice I can offer is to speak up and tell people what YOU want/don't want BEFORE you go into labor. I was afraid of hurting people's feelings and also kind of thought people would be on the same page as me so I never said anything. In laws were trying to come during labor and making it super awkward walking in right after catheter was removed with cameras around their knecks like we were some kind of tourist attraction...getting mad other people were there. My mom was there as the lactation consultant was teaching me to breastfeed. Nawwww not this time round. Told my husband this time no visitors until we get home except him and our son. It certainly wasn't a vacation and I was so focused on learning what I needed to do to get back home and didn't need the extra drama.

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• jsa25 member

  September 2022

  Just hung up the phone with my mom after having this conversation, which didn’t go well. This is mine and my husband’s first and we want this very special moment to be just between he and I. I love my mother dearly but I know my husband will be all the support I need as he has been throughout this pregnancy. I’ve found it very necessary to communicate my/our boundaries early as my family tends to feel entitled to my life and his mom is much older and starting to show similar signs of entitlement. 
  

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• dogmom19 member

  September 2022

  I’m a first time mom and plan on only having my husband there with me! We blamed the covid hospital visitor policy and said I was only allowed to have 1 support person with me and no one questioned it or pushed back. We live across the country from our families, and told our parents they can come starting 3-5 days after we get home since they will be staying with us once they’re here 

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• bookmaiden17_ member

  September 2022

  My first was born June 2020 and I was only allowed one support person. My husband wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital once we got there. Honestly it was nice just having it be the two of us getting to spend that time together as a family of three. This time around our hospital only allows two people and they have to be the same two the whole time we are there. We are going to do the same thing again and just have it be us. Grandparents will meet the new baby when we get home. My son isn’t even allowed to visit in the hospital. Before making a decision I would check with your hospital to see what they allow. 

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• mahalove108 member

  September 2022

  This is my first and I'm planning on a home birth.  I'm a single mom by choice.  I have an amazing midwife along with her two lovely assistants. So, they'll be there obviously.  Then my sister and 3 of my best friends will be there.  (My sister is flying out from the other side of the country to stay with me for a month.)  I like that people can come and go and that there's no limit.  My mom may come in the early stages of labor to give me acupuncture to help things progress and then will come soon after my daughter is born.  Beyond that I'm telling folks that it'll depend on how I feel.  It's equally easy to imagine wanting more friends and family to come help and meet her as it is to imagine wanting a quiet house for a few days with just my sister helping.   So I'm going to play that part by ear. 

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• miavans member

  September 2022

  I’m currently pregnant with my 4th and just plan on having my husband there! My parents came right after my first and we had lots of visitors with my second. My third was in 2020 so we weren’t allowed to have any visitors and honestly that was so refreshing to have that time with just my baby and husband. My mom will be in town taking care of my other 3 when this one is born. We plan to just have the time at the hospital time for my husband, baby, and I to bond.
  
  I will say that I am definitely an introvert so prefer quieter settings and get overwhelmed with lots of visitors especially after giving birth. My husband is also incredibly helpful and supportive during labor so I don’t feel that I am lacking by not having anyone else there.

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