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Big Age Differences Between Siblings. My mom pregnant at 40.

m-i-c-h-a-e-l-m-i-c-h-a-e-l- member
in Pregnant after 35
I am an only child, 18 years old, my mother remarried last year and is pregnant with her second child.
In truth, I never wanted siblings and I am really shocked!
Are there other families who have this age difference between siblings, are your children happy?
Thank you and have a great day!
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Re: Big Age Differences Between Siblings. My mom pregnant at 40.

  • monew82monew82 member
    My kids are 21, 20, 18 and 11. I haven't told them about this VERY unexpected pregnancy yet. It's too early. I suspect they will be shocked, but my older kids have moved out and it won't affect them much so I can't see them minding. My oldest son will probably want to use the baby to pick up girls, lol. It's the 11 yo I'm more worried about. Go easy on your mom. You never know how you're going to feel once the baby arrives and I'm sure she's feeling uneasy too given how long it's been since she gave birth. Try being supportive if you can but talk to her about your concerns so she understands where your head is. Mom's just want their kids to be happy!
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  • m-i-c-h-a-e-l-m-i-c-h-a-e-l- member
    Hi, first, thank you for sharing your family's story.

    I am just now reading your comment and apologize if I am responding with considerable delay. Actually, I was no longer checking this discussion, as the forum is a little desolate.
    Yes, even my mother is convinced that I will eventually like the new role of big brother, and she considers this phase of discomfort as temporary....

    Actually, it is different for me.

    I am an only child, and to find myself overnight sharing my mother, space, and whatever else, with a little sister is like a big wound.
    It was different for my mother.

    Ella told me clearly that she sought this pregnancy with all her heart, and this causes me a lot of pain, as if it represented a diminution of my value.
    Everyone thinks I am an adult, that I should be happy because my mother carries the gift of life in her womb, but instead I am losing confidence in myself.

    If my mother had truly wanted my good, she would not have needed to bring more children into the world. 
    I hate it when she asserts that it is just natural transient jealousy, of my ambivalence of wanting to have a baby brother, of fear of being ousted.

    That, no child, despite age, can be given an unspoken promise of uniqueness and exclusivity. 
    That thanks to this life experience, I will learn to develop resources, thanks to which, I will be better and more mature, and still will have to rebalance myself in the new family context. 
    I had never heard my mother speak in this way, and this is really surreal for me.
    Thank you, I hope to see you again soon

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  • lilswedlilswed member
    My parents adopted a baby when I was 22, my sister 20 and brother 18. All three of us have children now that are closer in age to our adopted sister than we are. When we get together as a family she acts more like a cousin than an aunt to our kids.

    We all made the choice to invest in her and make sure she is part of the sibling group- but right now the relationship looks a little bit more like aunts and uncles - we are very careful to just let my parents parent her. We know our parents didn’t adopt to replace us or make a new family, it was just an addition.

    It changed my relationship with my mom - but not negatively. It has actually been cool to see my parents parent as an adult- just sometimes my little sister comes first - not less love to go around just less time or different activities.

    Can’t imagine our family without her. Like every situation in life, I think it comes down to your own choice about your attitude. 

    If she’s like my mom she’s probably going through a lot of emotions, excited but also scared about being an older parent- supporting my parents changed our relationship- took it from me being the child to a closer friendship. Hope this encourages you!
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  • m-i-c-h-a-e-l-m-i-c-h-a-e-l- member
    Hi, thank you for your comment.
    Actually, maybe my problem is really that I have been an only child all these years.
    If I already had another sibling I would have seen it from a different perspective.
    My mother is now very adamant, strong temperamentally, and I am experiencing it very badly.
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  • m-i-c-h-a-e-l-m-i-c-h-a-e-l- member
    Up
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  • momsiepopsiclemomsiepopsicle member
    Hi Michael, 

    First, I'm sorry to hear how hard this has been on you. I don't personally have a big gap between siblings, and the gap my daughter will have won't be as big as the gap you're experiencing, so I'm not sure how relevant my comment will be for you. 

    Having said that, as a mom who has hoped for a second child, it has NEVER come from a place of being unhappy with my first born, or feeling she isn't enough. I'm not looking to replace her, and I view her value just as high as before I found I was pregnant. 

    You have something unique that your younger sibling will Never have. You were the first. All the firsts your mother had with you cannot be firsts with this new child. You gave her the gift of motherhood. You will not lost value, even being an older child (and I know you're on the cusp of adulthood, but I learned that even in my 40's I'm still my mom's "little girl" so we never out grow being her "child").

    You may someday have children of your own, and your sibling may feel some of the same sting you're feeling, having a grandchild in the picture that makes them question their value. You may understand more at that point how having another to love does not diminish how much you are loved. 

    I hope you know how cherished you are to your mother, and that no other child can change that. 
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  • m-i-c-h-a-e-l-m-i-c-h-a-e-l- member
    Hi, it's much better now.
    It's not very common to have brothers or sisters after so many years, and it was something I didn't expect anymore.
    However, in the end my mother's happiness is important, and her peace of mind.
    I think I also learn many things for when I get married.
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart and congratulations on your pregnancy!
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  • m-i-c-h-a-e-l-m-i-c-h-a-e-l- member
    @momsiepopsicle,
    Thank you for the little heart.
    I n sent you a private message. 
    Please read it when you have time.
    Kind regards
    Report Reply
  • knottie77efce0866aa6298knottie77efce0866aa6298 member
    edited September 2022
    🙂
    Report Reply
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