Unpopular Opinion (UO) - 8/11

marebear15 · August 2022

Let's hear those unpopular opinions ladies -- the more unpopular the better.

opinion

marebear15 · August 2022

Here's mine! I don't think BLW (baby led weaning) actually helps with pickiness later on.

auriculatus · August 2022

marebear15 said:

Here's mine! I don't think BLW (baby led weaning) actually helps with pickiness later on.

I was blw as a baby and I'm super picky now. I just know what I like, and it's not a lot😂

nopegoat · August 2022

@marebear15 it doesn't. I've done BLW with 5 out of 6 kids. And they ALL have gone through picky phases where all of a sudden they don't like anything. They slowly get over it. People say it helps with textures but I feel like if your baby can eat pureed meats they can get any texture down 😂

I do BLW mostly because I'm lazy tbh. It's so much easier to just throw bits and pieces of your dinner on their trays and let them have at it then sit there and feed them purees with a spoon. 😅

nopegoat · August 2022

Most of the baby gear they sell and a lot of the new must have stuff most of the time is completely unnecessary and ridiculously expensive.

nopegoat · August 2022

Also baby shoes are completely unnecessary. They are adorable but babies grow too quick and they aren't necessarily good for babies learning to walk either. Good socks, a blankets, and/or snow suit footed sleepers are more than sufficient for cold weather.

gravcass · August 2022

The big lebowski is a highly overrated movie.

ravenhairedgirl83 · August 2022

Having kids later is better.

To each their own of course, but I am so glad we waited to start our family. As a FTM at 39 - I feel much better prepared mentally, financially, and professionally, just more "stable" and confident in general. The physical aspects of pregnancy have been pretty easy for me so far and I don't stress or over Google minor things. I just ask my doctor. We're keeping the gender a surprise, just hoping for a healthy babe. Due in November, BTW.

P.S./ I HATE the "geriatric" term that some docs use. I hope to never hear it again after pregnancy!

nopegoat · August 2022

@ravenhairedgirl83 well hello there! Due in November! What brings you to March? You are getting close to meeting your LO. So exciting!

I had my first at 22 and it was definitely easier being pregnant in my 20's than it is in my 30's. But every pregnancy/person is different. I'm glad you're in a good place during your pregnancy and wish you all the luck with your first!! Also I agree. Many Dr's throw around advanced maternal age/geriatric like crazy. I had a friend who was 32 with her first and they threw it in her face often, like she was just withering away to dust right there. So ridiculous and rude.

ravenhairedgirl83 · August 2022

Hi @nopegoat,
I saw this interesting topic in 'Recent Discussions' and had to chime in. There's nothing similar going for Nov. I was curious what other unpopular ideas there are out there. I felt like this is a safe place to share.

I so agree about the baby shoes and some baby gear being totally unnecessary. I have been told that by several (newer) parents, and I really like listen to folks like yourself who have experience x6. A quick google, "The global baby products market is expected to reach USD 352.65 billion by 2030." It's a $$$ business. Maybe 10-15 years ago I would have wanted all the cutesy Tik-Tok-inspired clothing for little, but now it's just like, what do parents really need? We are definitely function over appearance type people.

miss_lynn9 · August 2022

@ravenhairedgirl83 I spent a lot of time looking up videos and articles on what baby items were essentials and what were unnecessary. The only thing we didn't really use was the swing since we did a lot of floor play. But I did get one that a toddler can use too. But she doesn't use it because we haven't let her watch TV yet so she never just sits in it.

mytrueloves · August 2022

I think parenting is such a unique experience for every single person. I know a lot of moms ditch the extra gear as they have more kids. But I personally find myself wanting more. An example is a lot of STM+ advise FTMs that changing tables are unnecessary. But this is going to be my third kid and I've never had a changing table and it's at the top of my list of things I absolutely want this time around. A dedicated space that I can keep all the diapers, wipes, etc, have a trash can / wet bag nearby for easy clean up, maybe some clothes there too for blow outs? Gimme. I want it.

miss_lynn9 · August 2022

I have my change table on the dresser. There's a dedicated drawer for diapers wnd cloth wipes. I keep the wipe solution, diaper cream, sunscreen, and ointment in a basket on top. This is the best picture I have of it. But I love it, it really work for us. Also, we didn't buy a nursery dresser and just used the furniture we had in the spare room. The mirror is a game changer! I really didn't want one but H convinced me to keep it on.

heytallmama · August 2022

I think it’s perfectly acceptable to swear around your kids, in the proper context. Not to yell at them or to be used unkindly, but in the descriptive, exclamation kinda way, yes. Did I drop a bowl and things spilled everywhere? “shit” or “aw, hell” or “fuck!” are acceptable.

“This fucking lid won’t come off!” Frustrated, helping me get that sentiment across, hurts no one.

I swear….a lot. But never in the “you fucking idiot” way that’s intended to hurt someone. That’s not ok and unacceptable.

And so far, our daughter (7) has sworn a handful of times, but she understands the context in which to use those words and those words have power, when it’s (socially) ok to use them. On the whole I think it’s been a net positive. Plus hearing your kid mutter “shit” after losing a round of Uno is funny 🙃

Wishilivedinflorida · August 2022

@miss_lynn9 That’s the exact set up we used for both kids. I bought them nice dressers like that that should last them all childhood. When no longer needed it became a nice space to put books and toys and such.

@mytrueloves I had a changing station also in my family room with a foldable pad, diaper caddy, and extra clothes on hand. I will do the same again!

ETA I forgot my UO. I think diaper genie is everything. They get a lot of hate but I think they work exactly as advertised and I’m so sad I sold mine at my garage sale before I knew I was pregnant. I highly recommend the off brand inserts to save money though.

nopegoat · August 2022

With 6 boys I am in a lot of boy mom groups. I know gender disappointment is real for some and I don't judge those that go through it, but I cringe every time I see gender reveals that involve their boys and they either are so disappointed and mad because it's another boy or so over the top excited they "finally get their girl" and you can just see the boys in the corner feeling like chopped liver.

I guess I've gotten enough horrific reactions about my all boy crew in front of them that I can't help but want to shield them from all of the negativity.

**I feel the same when I see all girl mom's do it too, but obviously it's a bit closer to home when it involves boys.

missmuisq · August 2022

@heytallmama I read (linguist, Columbia professor, NYT contributor) John McWhorter's Nine Nasty Words: English in the Gutter — Then, Now, and Forever last year, and, for me, reading that he curses around his kids was liberating! As was the reassurance that children are smart enough to pick up on lexical appropriateness faster and better than their nervous parents tend to suppose.

heytallmama · August 2022

missmuisq said:

@heytallmama I read (linguist, Columbia professor, NYT contributor) John McWhorter's Nine Nasty Words: English in the Gutter — Then, Now, and Forever last year, and, for me, reading that he curses around his kids was liberating! As was the reassurance that children are smart enough to pick up on lexical appropriateness faster and better than their nervous parents tend to suppose.

Oh this sounds like an interesting read!

That’s what I’ve found so interesting, daughter doesn’t swear inappropriately and I think it helps that we aren’t nasty when we (okay, it’s mostly me) swear. But it’s also super cool that’s she’s picked up on which people around us would be OK with it or not, without specific disclosure. Kids are neat.

missmuisq · August 2022

My most UO is probably that I think much of the whole natural birth narrative is a bill of goods that's part and parcel of a whole industry that makes women feel like they're never good enough (but if they buy XYZ stuff/experiences and sacrifice all their happiness and comfort, they can redeem themselves). Not saying that's the intention, just the unfortunate result, all too often.

@heytallmama Cool! That's so interesting. My family has zero tolerance for cussing, and my husband's family doesn't speak English. Pretty sure that means our house will be a free-for-all

mytrueloves · August 2022

@heytallmama I guess that's a UO of mine too. Our kids are actually allowed to cuss as well. We have 3 rules:
1) no cussing in public / mixed company. You don't know who may be offended by swear words in general
2) We are never allowed to cuss AT people and that goes for adults too

3) Slurs are never acceptable

Both of them have only cussed a few times even though DH and I admittedly cuss like sailors

@nopegoat lately I've seen so many gender reveal videos where one or both parents have overdramatic reactions / throw temper tantrums over the results. I always think, if you know you're going to be disappointed by possibly having one or the other why have a public gender reveal? It's so cringe

disneybaby23 · August 2022

@missmuisq I’m so glad you said that and I second it 100%. My cousin is so into that lifestyle and pushes it so much and I just don’t want to participate.

My UO is the birth experience in general. To me birth is a means of baby leaving the body and I really don’t want to get hung up on birth plans and expectations but people seem to get weirdly upset with me for not caring about it.

miss_lynn9 · August 2022

@disneybaby23 I felt pressures to have a birth plan wish so I tried to write one but three it out. I knew I wanted to do an unmedicated water birth. But I also knew that I had no fricken clue what to expect and I needed to be open to all possibilities.

mytrueloves · August 2022

I've definitely seen a big shift in how people discuss birth choices since I was pregnant with my first. 10 years ago, unmedicated birth was definitely pushed hard and prioritized. Then my next BMB 4/5ish years ago, there was clear anti-natural birth sentiment. Not just "to each their own" but "I think it's weird to even try to go unmedicated". It was strange to see such a dramatic shift. But obviously, both extremes are harmful.

On the subject of birth plans, I personally recommend everyone do them. You don't have to take it to the hospital or discuss it with your doctor. You don't even have to print it out or use it at all. But I found that making one helped me to be informed on choices / options / scenarios I didn't even know were a thing. With my first I went to the hospital with the only "plan" to follow the doctor's recommendations and my second labor I had a birth plan that I discussed with my doctor beforehand and also printed and took to the hospital.

marebear15 · August 2022

RE: Minimalistic
I tried to go minimalistic with my first baby, but found there was a lot that I didn't buy that I needed. We got a diaper pail the week after we got home, soon followed by pacifiers, swaddles, lots of toys that were on the "skip" list. I bought a swing that was "unnecessary" for my 2nd, and I've tried different bathtubs with ever child and still don't have one I like.

RE: "Natural" birth
This one I do felt let down on. I was a week overdue with my 1st when I went into spontaneous labor. Labored at home for 18 hours, unmedicated for 24 hours, used a bathtub for labor. Got all the way to pushing when we lost the baby's heartbeat and had an emergency c-section. She was a NICU baby too, so I didn't get to see her for 12 hours, and didn't get for nurse for 18. I felt so let down because I'd done everything "right."
My 2nd and 3rd births were complete opposite: induction, epidurals, and ultimately VBACs with healthy babies that got to room with me.

Wishilivedinflorida · August 2022

I wanted to have “all natural births.” My mom had myself and my brother unmedicated so I figured I could tough it out. However, I have very lax ligaments at baseline and pregnancy made me have the worst pelvic pain and instability. Contractions hurt, but didn’t particularly bother me because I’ve had horrible menstrual cramps my whole life. What did hurt was the sensation of my pelvis ripping in half. I couldn’t relax and my babies wouldn’t descend despite hours of walking, ball bouncing, shower water, etc. Both times I got an epidural and delivered a baby within a hour. I don’t want to know what unholy pain needed to be masked to let the babies down and fully dilate me. You bet your sweet ass I’ll be getting an epidural way sooner this time because I know I need it. And I’m totally ok with it if it means avoiding a c section. The staff kept reassuring me that some women need the epidural to deliver vaginally. I wasn’t a failure at all and I listened to my body.

DD was a swing junkie. I found one that folded flat that I felt comfortable using for sleep. I’m so sad I sold it but it was huge. Now I’m researching moving bassinets because both of my kids needed movement to sleep for at least 6 weeks. 😑

cheznet · August 2022

Oh! I thought of an UO.

I don't really care for Target. I don't get the whole obsession with Target because it's just a big store and it's weird to have groceries and toys in the same store.

TortugaAzul · August 2022

@cheznet I went to Target for the first time in like a year (we live 1 hr away) and it was disappointing. It didn’t really seem much better than Walmart and actually I liked the selection of clothes at Walmart much better.. I don’t know if it’s just me getting old or what but Target just isn’t it for me anymore.

nopegoat · August 2022

@cheznet Target and Starbucks both are so overrated and overpriced to me.

excitedfortaurusbaby · August 2022

My UO is that blue and pink don’t need to be for only boys or only girls. One of my cousins is giving me her bassinet and she mentioned if I’m having a girl I can have the pink sheets for it too. I don’t care either way! I’ll take the free sheets! I also bought 2 large botanical prints - one is a chart of pollinators (flowers/insects/birds) and one is a chart of wildflowers. I’m putting them up in the nursery (which I’m painting green) and my mom said - “but if you have a boy you can put these up - they’re too girly.” My eyes were rolling out the back of my head. IMO decorations don’t matter when they’re small. When our child is talking and can share his or her opinions we’ll do a redesign and start customizing their room to their taste. I was inspired by another cousin who has three girls (twin 5 year olds and a 3 year old). The twins are super girly and both bedrooms are painted/decorated girly, however, the three year old became fascinated by firefighters 🚒 and now all her bedding is firefighter themed and she wears a fire chief hat every day!

cheznet · August 2022

@excitedforpiscesbaby hopefully that's not such a UO anymore! Gender is a construct and in the 30's or 40's I think pink was for boys and blue was for girls! It's sad that your mom thinks nature is "too girly." I love the idea of the wildflower and insect charts!

noxacanthus · August 2022

@excitedforpiscesbaby We did a blue dinosaur nursery for our daughter. We both liked the theme and she was too young to care. Now at 2.5, she likes pink, dinosaurs, and monster trucks (really cars of any sort). We plan to reuse just about everything for this next baby whether it's pink, blue, boy, or girl. Until they're about 2, they don't care.

disneybaby23 · August 2022

@excitedforpiscesbaby I love that you mention tailoring it to their tastes when they can talk and have opinions about it. My sister started out with a lamb themed nursery that very quickly turned into a buzz lightyear room. Another favorite was John smith from the Pocahontas movie. You never know what your kid will like.

@noxacanthus I am beyond excited that they make dinosaur and vehicles and space stuff now for girls - none of that stuff existed when I was a kid and I would have been all over that. I remember being really bummed about legos being “for boys” as a kid and wanting them so badly.

mama925 · August 2022

Re Target/Sbux overrated: 100% agree lol I’ve worked at both and I feel like less people would support these stores if more people knew how horribly they treat their employees

Re kids swearing: I was raised that swearing would send you to hell so naturally as a young adult I started swearing like a sailor lol 😂 we swear around our kids, appropriately and not at people. There is nothing funnier then your four to finding the puppies poop accident and mutter effing sh*t under his breathe lol 😆 but ya boundaries are good so we don’t lose friends haha

mommarosie1 · August 2022

My UO is that I buy everything second hand or get hand me downs from family and friends. Not just for my son and this next baby but for myself and my husband too. Paying full price is over rated. I would much prefer getting something free or dirt cheap. I have friends and family who only buy new because they consider it gross to reuse something.

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