Need help. Emotional abuse?

bearsy669 · August 2022

This is a long one… but I’m desperate…

My “husband” and I have been together for almost 9 years now. We have a 6 year old daughter who is my rock, and my best friend, really my only friend at this point… I found out I was pregnant on Mother’s Day and it was a HUGE shock, I was told I couldn’t get pregnant again and we didn’t want more kids (well I always wanted more but convinced myself it would never happen). He wouldn’t talk to me about it so I gave him space to take in the news. Over a week passed and he kept shutting me out, at this point I was 13 weeks pregnant and kept trying to get him to talk to me but he just told me to shut up and then got mean… saying he wanted a dna test, I’m a ***, leave him alone etc. I went on a trip with my daughter the next weekend and made the decision to keep the baby I wasn’t getting answers or support and I did what I wanted for once, I told my daughter and she was beyond excited (she’s been begging for a sibling for a few years now) anyways, it’s been weeks and weeks of no support and resentment that I told her and he told me to have an abortion and he doesn’t care and doesn’t have any part in it so I can eff off and more emotionally abusive words, my daughter even gets sad when she goes to tell him things about the baby or things she’s excited about, she felt her kick and she ran to her dad and was SO excited and he just looked away and it broke her heart too… ok this is getting way too long I’m sorry… but basically he makes me feel worthless and useless, doesn’t help around the house (I’ve been on bed rest, the house is so disgusting it makes me cry) slams doors and sends disgusting messages about how I don’t have sex with him!!!! Hahahah it’s all he cares about!!!! I can’t even look at him without getting tears in my eyes and I’ve sent multiple messages and letters of my feelings and he says I’m not reading that *** off… I don’t have time for this ***… but plays video games all day! I got home from work tonight after 8 hours on my feet, I’m a waitress, and he accused me again of lying about where I was cause my schedule said I was off a diff time, I’m exhausted and at my whits end, I get so sad that I don’t even want/think I can have this baby anymore… I don’t have any friends and I don’t have anyone to talk to or support me… I feel like a *** mom because I just want to lay in bed and cry… my daughter even knows I’m hurting and I hide it well but she sees how he treats me and she’s said things that hurt me even more… if you read all this, thanks for listening and any words are appreciated l. Do.

mahalove108 · August 2022

Please leave him. Now. You deserve so much better. Your daughter deserves so much better. Your new child will deserve so much better. I'm so sorry this is what your relationship has become and I know how scary it is to make a big change, but nothing good about him makes this relationship worth it. I'm sending strength, peace, clarity, confidence, and love your way.

justkp · August 2022

I don't even belong in this group but this came up in recent discussions, and oh my. My heart breaks for you, and I could not just "read and run".

Honey, first of all you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are in a horrible situation and you show remarkable strength, you are doing the absolute best you can for your daughter and your unborn under the most terrible circumstances. Don't beat yourself up over not being the mom you want to be for your daughter right now, you are being the mom you CAN be, and the love and concern for your kid shines through every sentence. So don't worry about that for a second.

I agree, you need to leave this good for nothing "husband" before he ruins your confidence and your life - and your daughters. Nothing, nothing can be worse than the status quo. I know the future is scary for you, but you will find your strength once you cut this toxic asshole from your life. He is verbally and emotionally abusive to you and does not care about your feelings or - apparently - about his daughter. He does not deserve to be anyone's husband or father.

I don't know where you live, and so I don't know what ressources are available to you. Do you have family you can go to with your daughter for a while? Or any ressources near you available to women in crisis who escape dysfunctional relationships? It does not matter if you have to live a bit uncomfortably for a while - get out and get help, so that you can steady your nerves and have a clearer head when you decide what to do next. I am sure people who love you will show you great warmth and helpfulness if you reach out to them and explain your situation. Even if they are not very close. I always found people's willingness to help others in a crisis nearly inexhaustible. So try and ask a coworker or a former school mate, you might not think you are close friends, but they might surprise you.

You deserve only supportive, loving relations in your life, and I hope you find them (in a sibling, a close friend, a parent - maybe a new partner some day). This guy is not going to bring anything good to you or your children. I know the thought of single parenthood may be frightening to you, but you are so strong, and you will find strength to do this for your children - alone if needs be.

Feel free to send me a message if you want to chat! I'm probably as far away time zone wise as I could be, and I don't have any personal experience with any of the horrendous stuff you're going through. But: You need and you deserve support. So if I can help in any way, even just to listen, give me a shout!

knottie_knottie1 · August 2022

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. You don't mention whether this is a new behavior or if these types of behaviors have been going on throughout your relationship. Either way, at this point it does sound like he's emotionally abusing you and your daughter and it's an unhealthy environment for all right now. I agree with the PPs that if you have friends or family that you can reach out to and stay with for awhile (a family shelter is an option too), that would be healthiest for you, your daughter, and unborn child. I understand that leaving isn't always an option and/or that you may be wanting to try to work things out with him. If that's the case, I suggest asking him to join you in couples counseling and to also see a therapist on your own. Therapy may also be beneficial for your daughter as well. I've also provided some additional resources below if you wanted to talk to someone via chat or phone, they'd also be able to provide you resources in your area (if you're in the US, Canada, or UK at least)

Resources:
US: 800-799-SAFE
CA: https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html
UK: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#get-help-and-support

janinegb · August 2022

It’s always best to get out of those situations.

Want a personalized experience?

Need help. Emotional abuse?

Re: Need help. Emotional abuse?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards