Ask a STM - August/September

excitedfortaurusbaby · August 2022

I was looking for this thread and realized the other one was for June/July so I’m starting a new one. This is a thread to ask our second (or third, fourth, etc.) time moms questions.

Here’s my question: I’ve started following various doulas and midwives on social media and I’ve seen conflicting info about the first week PP. Some professionals say that the best way for mom to heal is to stay in bed for at least 5 days and only get up to use the bathroom. Then the next five days only get up to walk one other time besides when you use the bathroom and maybe move to the couch. Other professionals talk about how the baby needs to go to the pediatrician for the first checkup within the first three days of birth. This obviously wouldn’t work if I’m supposed to be healing in bed for a week. What have you all done? Does the baby need to see a pediatrician that soon if there is no apparent issue? Is one trip to the doctor bearable on a healing PP body?

heytallmama · August 2022

Honestly I think it depends on your delivery and how you’re healing. Your doc/midwife will give you guidance but also listen to your body; that will be the best course. Here was my experience:

I saw midwives but wound up having a planned C-section (was found to have been losing fluid and baby was breech), so I had a very smooth delivery. I healed really well, but I also had four days in the hospital from the C-section (standard). I was mostly in the bed because I was on hooked up for 1-2 days and then was honestly just so fucking tired, and also where the heck would I go?? But, by the time we were home, I was walking around the block at 5 days PP. Pretty sure our daughter’s first appt was that same day because I remember getting a celebratory milkshake and we have a picture of me drinking it and pushing the stroller on the walk 🙃 it’s super normal to have an appt within that first week to make sure they start to regain any weight they lost after birth (also very common).

My take is: you’ll probably be sore af and recovering the first 5 days anyhow: be in bed if that’s what feels best to you! But if you’re healing well and feeling good; move around, take walks! Your mental health is just as important as physical.

mama925 · August 2022

@excitedforpiscesbaby that is entirely up to you and what you feel is best you and your babe!
with my first I did the three day ped appointment and chose not to with my second. We won’t be this time either but our homebirth midwife does I can’t care till two weeks so she will do a home visit for baby at three days instead! You can always have an appointment scheduled in case you want to go or cancel it if you decide not to! If you’re doing a hospital birth you can usually stay that long in the hospital and pediatricians will come to you.

mama925 · August 2022

*infant care

noxacanthus · August 2022

I think it depends on your situation. With my daughter, I had an emergency c-section and she spent 5 days in the NICU. So I spent the first couple days in bed except for the trip to the NICU to feed her every 2-3 hours. At first hubby wheeled me in a chair, then I used the chair as support to walk, and by day 5 I could make the trek without the chair. I remember that the thing that took the longest for me to recover was being able to stand up (from sitting) while holding anything (including her). Her pediatrician saw her for the first time at 7 days old, but she had round-the-clock support in the NICU.

burr1371 · August 2022

I thought I would be staying in bed too. I had a planned C-Section bye to a breech baby (saw midwives all the way through too). But I got stir crazy in the hospital room. I sat in the rocking chair and we took a walk around the maternity floor too. I definitely took it easy when I got home. I tried to make my stairs ‘count’. I wasn’t going up and down all the time.

Since we had a C-section, my son didn’t see his Ped until the 2nd or 3rd day after we got home. I couldn’t drive because of my C-section so that was more of a pain than anything. At his 2 week appointment he hadn’t regained his birth weight and so we went a week later again and it was fine.

Just listen to your body and give it grace where needed.

Wishilivedinflorida · August 2022

I’m going to be a big dissenter here and encourage movement. Now obviously every situation is different and I have only had vaginal deliveries. But, even post op you are at a higher risk of blood clots in the leg (they will put some leg massagers on you to stimulate flow but they are maddening). You are going to be losing a decent amount of old blood (think heavy heavy period) and peeing excessive fluids out and you will need to be in the bathroom a lot. You don’t need to be running marathons, but movement is good (what you need to get around, or even taking a little stroll around the hospital room).

Maybe as a FTM I chilled out a lot more but my H only had a couple days off work each time and I had to take care of another child (17 mo) last time, and will have two at home with me on the weekends and one at home some days during the week (DS will be in K and DD is in preK M/W/F). Plus I will need to eat occasionally. 🤣

excitedfortaurusbaby · August 2022

I really appreciate all of you sharing your experiences! I’m being seen at a large practice that has a group of midwives and a group of doctors and you choose which group you want to receive care from. For now, I’m sticking with the midwives (but if any complications arise they’ll switch me to the doctors). My plan is to aim for a vaginal birth at the hospital with the midwives but would do a c section if there’s an issue.

I’m kind of a wimp in terms of pain and I’ve never had any surgery or major injuries (no broken bones or burns) so I feel like I’m not going to want to leave my house for at least a week. I’m happy to hear that the first pedi appointment is optional! I like the idea of scheduling one just in case but canceling if everything seems fine and I need to rest. What I’m hearing from this group is that there isn’t one set way of doing things and I can listen to my body and decide what’s best.

mamahosch · August 2022

@excitedforpiscesbaby I will say in regards to the first pediatrician appointment 2-3 days after birth, it wasn’t optional for me. My son lost too much weight in the hospital so we were required to go to the first pediatrician appointment. We had to supplement with formula starting at that appointment to get his weight up because he wasn’t latching correctly.

marebear15 · August 2022

@excitedforpiscesbaby - As @mamahosch said, some of my first pediatrician appointments weren't optional. My first was a NICU baby, and it was a requirement for getting discharged from the NICU. My 3rd baby started showing signs of jaundice the last few hours we were in the hospital, and they released us on the promise that we would see our pediatrician within the next 48 hours. They wanted to keep us another day for observation, but the doctor literally said that since it was my 3rd, she trusted that I would keep my appointments.

Wishilivedinflorida · August 2022

My OB group has new materials since they operate through the patient portal/app. They have a graphic timeline of appointments and the 72 hour appointment for the newborn is listed on there. It wasn’t ever presented as optional for me prior to this. I would check early on with your ped provider to see what they require. Many have very strict requirements to take on your child (vaccines, appointment compliance, etc).

DS had latching issues and I was spoon feeding him hand expressed BM for a day when we first got home. He didn’t lose much birthweight at the hospital but I was so happy to have an appointment right away to make sure he wasn’t losing more.

nopegoat · August 2022

For many first time parents or if the baby is having weight or jaundice issues that first appt isn't optional with many providers. They want you to come in to ask questions, voice concerns, and make sure all is going well.

As far as getting up and moving around, I don't think there is one specific right answer. Listen to your body. If you are up for it, get up and move. If not, then rest. They do caution against doing too much because it can delay healing and cause post partum bleeding to pick up. You also don't necessarily want your baby around a bunch of people because of colds, viruses, etc. But life around you doesn't necessarily stop when you have a baby either.

With my first the only place we went for several weeks was the pediatrician. I tore horribly, was sore, and was not about to go out to do any extras with my huge pads, leaky boobs, and sore nipples while trying to figure everything out. By baby #3, he met Santa, ate at his first restaurant, and went to the Christmas tree farm at 3 days old. With #6 we did a day trip to the beach when he was 6 days old (obviously no water for me or him). My recoveries were much easier after my first and H doesn't have paternity leave so I'm up and going pretty quick. I also bleed postpartum forever because of it.

bbrahmbhatt · August 2022

I agree with movement. Being sedentary for too long is not encouraged, even after major surgery (I was a surgeon before I became a pathologist). We would want our patients out of bed within 12 hours of surgery to help prevent blood clots, pneumonia and other complications that commonly happen after surgery. If you tear, and you likely will, if you are laying down too much that can actually inhibit healing too. Also, our first pedi appointment was not optional, it was required. Also, we actually had to take DD to the lab for a bili draw the day after we were discharged, as part of the terms of us getting to take her home.

I think it is great to have plans, but try to keep an open mind about what will happen. I think when FTMs get too locked into their birth/recovery plans it is really hard for them to be able to accept the change to plan. My OB told me that once you're pregnant you have to get comfortable with not always being in control, and her advice helped me with the tough initial PP days.

nopegoat · August 2022

@bbrahmbhatt yep!! Two of the first and hardest lessons of pregnancy and parenthood is never say never and be prepared for anything.

gravcass · August 2022

@excitedforpiscesbaby I agree with most of what's been said here... except in regards to birth and parenting plans. I think it's great to do all your research and come fully prepared with certain things you want and even fight for them if needed. I still Remember being laughed at for having a birth plan at all from my MIL at the time. Doing all that reading and advocating for myself at the right moments helped me mentally be ok with the c-section I ended up having. Certainly expect the unexpected, but being knowledgeable beforehand about certain aspects that could change/go wrong helped me to actually have conversations with my doctor about my care instead of just being told what to do.

heytallmama · August 2022

I have a question! ... Moreso...a call for ideas?

I'm stuck on the best way to tell our daughter (almost 7) that I'm pregnant! We're waiting until after my first midwife appt at the end of this month, and then I'll be in Nashville for work, so by the time we tell her, I'll be just about 14 weeks. I'm totally cool with that timeline; just unsure of how to actually tell her! She definitely wants a sibling, so it's not going to be an unwelcome surprise. But all of the blogs on fun ways to tell are just a little extra for my style (and ability level)-- I'd frankly just tell her, but I do want to make it special.

For those here that are more clever than me... what would you do for an older kiddo where this will be their first sibling?

Wishilivedinflorida · August 2022

@heytallmama I’m kind of in the same boat, but my kiddos are 5 and almost 4. I’m now leaning toward NT scan to confirm baby is still ok prior to telling them and the world. I’m all for any ideas that are low key but memorable. I didn’t have this problem the first go round because my son was 9 months old. 🤣

muggsd · August 2022

@excitedforpiscesbaby echoing most of the above and saying, listen to your body, but don't necessarily default to doing nothing. When my first was born, I INSISTED on getting outside for a (very short) walk because it was beautiful and I just wanted to feel a bit human again after being in the hospital. Then I went home and laid down for a rest. Do what you'd like, within reason

@heytallmama could get her a new shirt that says "big sister" on it? I'm in the same boat of not doing big things. Since I've been so sick we just had to tell the kids because sometimes I can't be taking them here there and everywhere!

marebear15 · August 2022

@heytallmama - I gave my 4yo the ultrasound and asked her if she knew what it was. She thought it was her baby cousin that had just been born in June. When I said that it was a new baby, she immediately asked, "Are you growing a baby in your tummy??" She's also been a big sister twice, so she probably has memories of the others.

miss_lynn9 · August 2022

@excitedforpiscesbaby I agree that it really depends on you. I had a MW and she did mine and baby's care for the first 6 weeks. I was encouraged to rest and go for small walks when I could. She said if my bleeding worsened, or if I had any pain then I was pushing myself too hard.

heytallmama · August 2022

marebear15 said:

@heytallmama - I gave my 4yo the ultrasound and asked her if she knew what it was. She thought it was her baby cousin that had just been born in June. When I said that it was a new baby, she immediately asked, "Are you growing a baby in your tummy??" She's also been a big sister twice, so she probably has memories of the others.

Oh THIS is a cool idea! Plus she’s seen ultrasounds from when I was pregnant with her— I bet that’ll be super cool for her to put the pieces together. Thank you for the idea!

miss_lynn9 · August 2022

Have any STM+ done a home birth? We went back and forth last time about it. We had decided on a home birth and got so much backlash from H side of the family. MIL told us we were horrible parents.

My MW really wants me to done a home birth this time. She said I did so well during my last birth that she uses me as an example in all of her groups. I'm open to it and a little scared. Studies and stats always help me lol.

I'd love to hear the experiences of those who had had a home birth. And those who have had hospital and home.

nopegoat · August 2022

@miss_lynn9 me! I've had 5 hospital births, 4.5 (with my second I got an epidural to just push. Legit crowned as soon as I scooted back into position on the bed 😅) of those pain med free and then my 6th was a homebirth. Definitely going that route again this time unless something risks me out.

Is there anything specific you are curious about? I don't want to overwhelm you with info and make you read an unnecessary novel. 😂😂

miss_lynn9 · August 2022

@nopegoat you have a lot of experience haha

Right now, I'm mostly interested in the difference of outcomes between hospital and home. I've done some reading and from those studies there isn't much of a difference in Ontario and BC.

I like to dive into things so anything you think is interesting and worth the read I'll put it on my list!

nopegoat · August 2022

@miss_lynn9 So my decision to do a homebirth was kind of on a whim. My last hospital birth went well during labor but it was sh!tshow afterwards as far as child care and my husband going back and forth. Like he brought my boys up, was there for 10mins and had to immediately leave again because our neighbor called saying our bull escaped and was chasing a water truck. 😅 Then he was only able to return to pick me up.

Then Covid happened and he wouldn't have been able to leave at all and come back plus I didn't want to wear a mask during labor and all that fun stuff. I have very fast deliveries and I was also terrified of giving birth on the side of the road so we decided to go the homebirth route.

I was incredibly nervous and asked her lots of questions at our initial meeting. How many births she's attended, her transfer rate (only 7%), reason for transfers, her certifications, and what they look for/do to catch and prevent emergencies from happening. I felt much better after her our meeting.

Books that were recommended to me were

-Heather Baker's Home Birth On Your Own Terms
-Ina May’s guide to childbirth

-Childbirth without fear

-Birth without fear

-Emergency childbirth A Manual by Gregory J

My personal experience was, I had far better, but less hands on and pushy care than in the hospital. I also never felt like I was on the clock and doing the whole hurry up and wait thing. She was extremely attentive to me and my needs but also respected my space and body. It was definitely a more one on one experience than a Dr or nurse that comes in every hour or so and then leaves. She was also certified to do the newborn wellness checks until 2wks minus the hearing test.

She did all the cleanup and it was amazing to be able to shower in the comfort of my home and sleep in my own bed!

gravcass · August 2022

@miss_lynn9 I'm c9nsidering a homebirth as well! I want to so bad. Just got finished watching the movie "why not home" and it was very informative.

miss_lynn9 · August 2022

@nopegoat haha that sounds like a very chaotic recovery for you the first time.

My first birth, I had a midwife and did it at the hospital. Positives were I didn't have to worry about not having enough hot water for the pool, the toilet has the poles, which I used for pushing, and the bed has the squat rack which turned out to be the best position for me for pushing. And because I had a MW, I was able to leave within 2 hours of giving birth. I also didn't have to deal with any nurses; my MW was in the room the entire time and was amazing. The negative was driving the 45 minutes there, having to park across the street, walk there and all the way through the huge hospital while contracting, and then being covered in blood and just wanting to get home instead of showering right away.

Your home birth sounds like it was so much less stress. Thank you for the book recommendations, I will start reading through them, and I like your questions. I have the same MW I had last time but I will definitely ask the ones I don't know.

miss_lynn9 · August 2022

@gravcass I'll take a look at the movie thanks!

muggsd · August 2022

@miss_lynn9 I've had 3 hospital births, but with the speed of the last 2 coupled with a move that puts us 15 min further from the hospital, my MW is saying I might not have a choice this time

I'd rather do the hospital again just because I can be a bit anxious with the endless possibilities of complications, no matter how remote they may be.

I say, you do you, and forget about what other people say. When they are the ones pushing a baby out of their hoo-ha, they can decide.

gravcass · August 2022

This might be a question for third time moms, but STM let me know if you are feeling this as well.

My boobs feel like they do when I need to nurse. It's so bad sometimes that all I want is that letdown sensation and I already can't wait till baby comes to have that relief. Anyone else feeling this?
Any third time moms have more production with their second than their first? I can already tell that my super boob from last time is going to outpace the slacker again. 😅

muggsd · August 2022

@gravcass I’ve heard that multiple girls can boost production, but I didn’t experience that myself. 🤷🏻‍♀️

marebear15 · August 2022

@gravcass - Around 5 weeks, I already was starting to produce milk, and last week at 11 weeks, I was talking to my SIL about pumping for her newborn, and I got a let down. Weirdest sensation!
I didn't produce more with my subsequent babies than I did with my first, but I always had an adequate supply.

Want a personalized experience?

Ask a STM - August/September

Re: Ask a STM - August/September

Choose Another Board

Search Boards